BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I'm done apologizing

Sorry in advance for the rant...

DH and I just spent a FANTASTIC week in Mazatlan, MX. Great weather, great food/drinks, great people, etc.

Today is my first day back to work. I didn't make this grand entrance and start yapping to anyone nearby about how great it was. First thing this morning, our secretary isn't speaking to me (this is her thing when she's upset with someone).

But it's not just her - in general, I find myself downplaying my trips to some people, esp. if I know they can't afford something similar. But on the other hand, if someone asks, I want to be able to talk about it without feeling guilty or worrying that she'll hear me. This woman doesn't make great money, so I know that's a factor. But we all make choices in life. It infuriates me that it seems I am expected to apologize for mine. If she is jealous, then she should save HER money and take a great trip.

Does anyone else feel this way around others - that they have to downplay or apologize their lifestyle? I'm just tired of it - it's not as if I'm living like Paris Hilton or something. I just took a nice trip and would like to share my experience with my friends/coworkers who are interested (and I haven't said a word about it to anyone who hasn't asked first).

oh girl you need to rethink this! It is your money YOUR LIFE and YOUR CHOICE to go and it is YOUR RIGHT to go! If she doesnt make enough money then she can ask for a raise or get another job that pays more. I agree that you should not rub it in her face that you can take better trips and more often or anything like that but you should not feel guilty or down play it just to make others feel better!

I have been in the other womans shoes with a dead end job and always broke, I would feel really bad and upset if you did not let me hear about your fun trip! I may not get to go but I can at lest hear about how much fun the place is to go just in case I could go! I would be willing to bet that by you down playing your trip she feels you pitty for her and it hurt her pride or she thinks you had a bad trip so she is laying low....but she could be jelous too but that is her problem not yours

You absolutely should not feel as though you need to apologize. I work with someone who has similar reactions. It's a shame because one minute you can feel like they're your friend and the next they're upset with you because they're jealous of you.

I think you're going about it the right way - only talking about it when people have asked first and I'm sure you don't elaborate to no end about how much FUN you two had on your CF vacation. I mean, come on, we're not in second grade anymore!

And besides, if the childed are proud of their accomplishments in having children, we have NO reason to feel like we should hold back our accomplishments and in discussing what makes us feel good about being CF (note to self: this is easier typed than done!).

LMAO! I agree with that If I have to lesson to all the child stories about how cute poo is then they can lesson to how my trips go! I dont have a kid to remind me of 2nd grade so.... either way DO NOT say your sorry for takeing a trip that you earned!

Thanks, guys. It just makes me really uncomfortable - it's the elephant in the living room. She knows I took this trip, I know she's heard other people ask about it. She's also the same one who will make comments about how she only has $10 for groceries this week. She's 50-ish and single, with some specific issues that all play into why she's jealous (and why she's single). Oh, and technically I'm her boss, so I could ask for a raise for her (but there are reasons why I haven't,none of them personal).

I just wanted to vent to y'all because I knew you'd understand. Just seems ironic that this time around, it's not the people WITH kids who are getting to me (mostly they want to live vicariously).

Sorry that the secretary is so jealous. She must be very insecure. Your trip sounds like a lot of fun! I can't afford to go on vacations, so I love to hear about other people's vacations.

Glad you had such a fun trip Tbunny!

I've experienced similar things with coworkers. My thing is working part time. If I have worked a regular job in the last 15 years, it's been part time. I've made the choice to do that, with a big sacrifice in pay and even better jobs, because I just really hate working at one job for 40+ hours per week (unless it's my own business, which I often work more than 40 hours at a week). I feel like I can do this, partially because I'm not raising a family and can afford to not break my back trying to make a living to support one or more dependents.

It can be really hard in the office though, because people are invariably jealous. I've had people act out in very strange and unpleasant ways about it.

It's true it's mostly people with kids. I feel like they've made their choices, and it's their fault if they're not happy. Plus, then they turn around and bingo me, and can't help but think, "No thanks. I like my life better."

My mom is like you - she loves looking at the photos and hearing the stories, even if she can't afford to take off on a whim. I also LOVE hearing where people have been or what they've done, even if I could never afford to do it myself (like month-long hikes through Europe, wintering in the Carribbean, etc).

I guess that's what confuses me - this woman has traveled through Europe and northern Canada on some adventures, so it's not like she hasn't experienced things.

If she could see past her envy, she'd not only be happier, but she'd have the opportunity to travel vicariously by hearing of your adventures.

Also, I really need to sit down with that woman and discuss how she spends her food budget.

Ugh I had this with a so-called friend I will call T.

We were at a meal and another person at the table asked about my and dh's trip to Vegas. I asked the girl about her travels. Anyway T got all jealous. She started saying how her and her dh will travel when their children are grown up. I said thats nice but I like to see the world while I can. You never know what the future holds.

Big mistake. She went into saying how selfish it is to think of yourself and not have children. She did fake tears while talking of her friend who cannot have children while there are selfish people choosing not to have them. She even made comments about my cats (I tried to ignore her because I would have been the one who looked bad against the girl who can do no wrong).

We got married around the same time and we are both still under 25. She had a child very early in marriage and I don't think she realised how hard it would be.

I just hate being made to feel bad for her choices.

She was always someone who wanted to get one up on others and loves being the centre of attention. Because there is one thing I can do that she cant she gets so mad. Its not enough that my in-laws like her more than me (she is not related just family friend).

wow that turned into quite a rant. Its just something I am still hurting over.