BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids It's okay to change your mind...

Yes, a friend of mine sort of did this. She's about 10 yrs older than me. I'll call her friend 1. We had a 3rd friend, same age as her (I'll call her friend 2), who was also married no kid, that we would get together regularly. I wasn't as close to the other friend as she was, though I really like her. I don't remember ever talking about kids with them.

We were getting along great and then friend 2 got pregnant. Friend 1 didn't want to hang out with her at all anymore...the mom/baby thing was totally annoying to her, and she complained about the baby's smell, the way the mom said "We" everything now...so on and so forth. I was surprised by her reaction at the time, because it was so vehemently against the baby, and I like babies, and hadn't thought about it much.

Not long after that, Friend 1 abruptly left her longtime husband for another man who lived far away. Lo and behold, she had a baby, and raves about parenthood.

It's hard having to eat your words. I went through the opposite of this. Growing up, I always assumed I'd have children. I recently became CF a few years ago. Unaware that I was doing it, I began to cite all of the difficulties and shortcomings of parenthood to my friends and family. I was now different, and felt that I had to explain myself to feel better about my stance. People naturally want validation from their peers.

I don't think I'll ever change my mind - why? I hate being told "I told you so." That alone will keep me CF!

Me too! That's a great reason to remain CF, I couldn't stand everyone grinning and telling me they told me I'd change my mind!

Cindy

Of course it's not the only reason, but it's one thing that keeps me from getting baby rabies.

My favorite right in this world..is the right to be wrong as well as our ability as human beings to change our minds. That is what makes the world go around..she just changed her mind never mind the reasons why she did it she just changed her mind. I love that I can change my mind if I decide that I end up wanting a child in the future..even when the times comes when I can no longer physically have them but adopt..that is a big reason why I am comfortable saying that I do not want kids.
I pray for supportive people in my life either way..:)

I think you all make good points...
You're right...it is hard to "eat your words"...I suppose that's why she's moved away from her friends who listened to her for years complain about "annoying brats & babies"..."I just don't like babies and kids, never have"..."God, that noise!"...
It also, explains why she initially told people it was an accident - that way, you don't have to explain a "change of heart"...
The reformed smoker analogy is spot-on really - my friend is the sort of person who, "is always right" so, I guess her new position/attitude should come as no surprise really...
My reaction was stunned disbelief when I first heard the news...
It did make things a little harder for me...some people believe that all women eventually "give in" and have a child - my friend's late decision certainly added fuel to that fire.
So, I remember facing a fresh round of bingo's thanks to that pregnancy.
One of my CF colleagues always thought this particular friend "protested too loudly" and was possibly trying to convince herself that's how she felt...I'm not sure about that, but I do know her outspokenness for years made her pregnancy harder to explain...people were genuinely shocked and surprised. It was like Germaine Greer suddenly saying we should obey our husbands or something...
Frieda...I found your story interesting. It seems some women are CF until their husbands want kids...I remember a woman I worked with years ago - she was CF - her marriage ended....we lost touch - I ran into her in the street a few years back and she was heavily pregnant...During our chat she mentioned her new husband wanted kids...
I find this surprising - if I had broken up with my DH 15 years ago and I met a new man who wanted kids - the same reasoning would have applied, "he wants kids, I don't = we're not compatible life partners"....
Seems some women have a "fluid" view of being CF - an ever changing concept...

She does not bingo me, makes a successful effort to talk about non-child-related things (despite being a SAHM) and does not expect me to get involved with her children (as a matter of fact, her children are lovely, so when I take an interest, it is genuine, but she would not be offended if I did not). I know she finds it difficult at times but on the whole she's pretty happy in her new role and she and her husband will, I think, make great parents.

Well, your friend doesn't seem like she is going to be one of those pain in the butts mom...I think you guys can still continue your friendship. I know things have drastically changed but I have managed to stay BF's with my BF through three kids. She sounds like she is trying to be considerate of you as a CF person. I guess maybe this different husband opened things in her she didn't know she was. I mean believe me I want as many CF friends I can have but if an existing one got pregnant and didn't make me crazy with her kids I would try and understand??? Oh hell, I hope I don't sound to "preachy".

Jzel, I think it's all down to the individual - it's impossible to predict whether a 'converted' CF person will turn out to be a bingo master or someone tolerant of the CF viewpoint. I joke that with my friend it's genetic. She has a sister who is also a very good friend of mine; she was never CF and has a 10-year-old daughter, but has always been fully supportive of my choice not to have children. It helps that she is a realistic person who does not romanticise parenthood. So, I feel very lucky to have two friends to whom I can continue to relate despite our changing circumstances.

Yes I agree. My BF and just work, ya know? She is awsome and says she wants to be Jamie not always an mom. She gets real aggervated on trips that her and DH take for his company and all the wives talk about are their children. She is like..we are away from our kids, don't have to drink & drive and we are on a vacation...let's have fun. She must be doing something right b/c we have been able to maintain of friendshipf for twenty years...ugh..she got pregnant when she was 19rys. By the way, I do love all her children.