BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids CF because of your own childhood

I never really enjoyed childhood that much. It was okay, but I always looked forward to being grown up, and being independent. My mum has said that I was never a very cuddly or needy child.

I always knew my parents weren't right for each other, but they didn't separate until I was 17. My dad was hardly ever around. My mum was the only one who parented us (I have an older brother and a younger sister), and she told me before I moved out that if she could repeat her life, she wouldn't have had kids. I know she loves us, but she doesn't love what her life has been.

I don't really have a relationship with either of my parents, especially my dad. I hope they aren't suffering, but I don't want my life to be like theirs, and I am happy that there is a lot of distance between us. I send birthday/Christmas presents and call them on the phone a couple of times a year.

So my childhood/family situation, coupled with the independent personality I was born with, has had an effect on my decision to be childfree.

Like you, I was a pretty independent kid. My younger years were fine (although I remember being pretty ticked off that I couldn't reach simple things like cupboards) and I hated my other siblings (I have some real horror stories...As in, Freddy Kruger showing up in the basement while my parent's are away...Yeah my brothers are REAL jerks). Jr. High and Highschool were torturous, especially Jr. High. We had just moved so I knew nobody, and everyone else was in a clique. I got the most demented girl in the school as a locker partner, and she apparently liked giving out our locker combination because a few times I had ceramic things I made smashed. Also got pushed down stairs once, and slapped in the face by a skank of a girl. (that's one of the reasons why I so hate no child left behind, she was held back because she was so stupid, so I got to leave her behind). I never really got along with kids my age, I wound up befriending their parents more often. :P Highschool became more bearable because I made some friends (a couple of which I'm still friends with today) but I also got severely burned by a rampaging psycho chick.
I remember thinking every day how I would never wish my life on someone I actually cared for. (my worst enemies, sure. I'm rather vindictive. >;) ) This didn't really decide me on not having children, since I simply never wanted any, but it's yet another item on the list of "why not."

Its probably part of the reason...my childhood gave me an insight, with three much younger siblings in the house.
Of course, many girls from working class homes with multiple kids go on and do the same thing without thinking..."history repeating itself"...
So, it was the "seeing" and its lack of appeal combined with an independent and questioning nature/mind = wanting to do something else with my life.

I still can't reach all the cupboards, Grey. I keep telling my fiance that when we build our little dream house, it's going to have LOW cabinets. I hate being short...

I was also an independent kid, who loved spending time alone. My only sibling is seven years my junior, and I got to experience every stage of his early life when I was old enough to be aware.

Tell me about it. I'm 5'11. DW is 5'0. I have learned never to place important stuff on the top shelves.

Duane, you need to have a conversation with my husband. I'm 5'4, he's 6'1. He likes to hide things on top of the fridge, like if we're having company over. Then I'll try to find it the next day, and he says, "oh, it's on top of the fridge." You mean, that place I can neither see nor reach?

I've learned to start looking on top of the fridge (just climb on up onto the counter) whenever I can't find something.

Those mean tall people! (is 5'9).

Man, I hated middle school. What an awful time. We had some really screwed up teachers that liked to humiliate their students because they were struggling with puberty. I guess it was the only way that they could stay sane, but MAN it hurt... I remember just shaking uncontrollably in one class because I was afraid of holding a book wrong.

The areas where this happened most is when I see a perfectly good top shelf in the cabinet, or in the pantry, and have a desire to put stuff up there, because the space is there.

After a few times of being asked to fetch this, reach for that, etc -- the lesson was brought home. I use that space for the stuff that really is used once in a blue moon.

Lesson learned.

I think that was partially the reason. I had a pretty good childhood and get along with all my siblings very well.

My mom had my brother late in life; she was 40 and thought she was going through menopause. She had my brother 3 months premature and he came home before she did. There were a lot of complications.

So, at 10, 9 and 7, my sisters and I had to look after a baby. My dad was at the hospital every day once we came home from school. It didn't help that my mom was an environmentalist and wouldn't allow us to use disposable diapers. After going through that, I never wanted to have to change a diaper, EVER!

But, I might have entertained the idea had I fallen in love with someone who really wanted one. I might not have acquiesced, but I would have entertained the idea! Probably would have tried to convince him to adopt an older child.

Lucky for me I found an enlightened, analytical-thinking man!

I actually changed my mind once when my husband expressed how much he wanted children. It's funny, though, because we moved to Houston and he just sort of panicked. (I just fell apart). He quickly changed his mind and is now adamantly CF.