BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Memorializing "us"

All the talk of leaving people behind after death and scrapbooking has me thinking about what we CFs do to preserve our happy, funny, and sweet memories. We don't all have kidlets (steps or nieces and nephews) to pass these stories to, and of course, most of our best moments as couples will "go" when we do. But we still want to preserve these memories, like anyone else. I know some of us are shutterbugs, scrappers, etc., but how else do you save and/or share your memories?

For us it's all in words. Neither of us takes a lot of photos,so stories form instead. I write down a lot of things, but most of it is verbal. Our conversations is a blur of "inside" jokes and phrases and we nickname pretty much everything. Example: When people hear that the small stuffed bear on my nightstand is named "The Cat," they want to hear the story behind it. So we maintain our little memories and stories by using such odd little phrases, and we share them with people close to us when they hear them. One day, when his daughter is older, we'll be able to pass some of our history as individuals and as a couple on to another generation. And we may one day have nieces and nephews, as well.

I think a lot about my diary and who will read it some day. Probably no one. And my blog. Who cares? But, it's out there in case someone ever wants to know about me. And all my short stories, and scripts, and whatnot. Not to mention all the thousands of pictures we have.

Great question, Myrabeth. Especially as I'm downsizing 20 years worth of ka-RAPP I've held onto way too long!

My boyfriend and I do take pictures, which are of course stored on the computer. Sometimes we print them out if we want to carry or display them, but other than pics, I just journal out the memories I want to keep and share the rest in conversation. That's pretty much about it.

But the reason your question is good is because I've felt down about not having anyone to give my memorabilia and special things to...no one to remember me. But when you really break it down, no one really does remember you, even if you have kids, unless you do something public, profound, published or patented. Think about it: you remember your parents, and if you were lucky, you had a grandparent or four to remember. But beyond that, all you have is a picture of someone beyond the grandparent and the grave. Oh someone might pass down stories about you as a great or even great-great grandparent, but your life's essence is really wrapped up in you, not what you pass on.

Most of those "my great-great grandmother did _______" is related to our parents making a cross-continental journey for a new life. Most of us won't do that. We're kinda happy in our own countries and cultures, though we enjoy learning about others. These days, it's so easy to see pictures and learn about different cultures right from our own computer screens.

There is a certain peace I have in not burdening someone with a whole lot of drama, stuff to dump or sell, and to just live out my life with my own story to create and live out.

I love your reply, Angela. Not leaving lots of junk behind is a great goal to have. I'm seriously anti-clutter, and I'm constantly trying to purge my excess belongings. When I kick the bucket, there will some furniture and basic living items (clothes, kitchen equipment, etc.) to sell, and just a handful of notebooks, photos, and "knickknacks" worth keeping... assuming anyone is interested. I don't want to leave a lot of [censored] behind, just fun memories.

Your post, Myrabeth, might actually inspire one or more of us to actually DO that profound thing...to get a patent, to get published, to leave something valuable behind that doesn't require gene replication.

Many have a calling, few make the choice...who will commit? (for others enjoying the thread) Please see our healthy "CF Accomplishments" threads for those who have sought life beyond breeding. Some of us *personal bow* got their Ph.D's. Others have just gotten comfortable in a new hobby. Others, like myself, will find a volunteer opportunity or maybe even two.

I think your wonderment in bringing up "how will we be remembered," Myrabeth, is a great topic. You'll cause some people to wonder about it for the first time, you'll bring up a sore subject with others, and you'll cause others to tell you they just don't need it. And...of course, you'll surface entirely different thoughts, which is what we love here in the CF room.

This is a great topic because I was struggling with listening to someone saying that he wanted to have kids because someone needed to continue the traditions of his family. That seems so egotistical to me. It seems like an irritating response.

If the traditions of your family are so great, why not share them with other people, instead of just keeping it in the family forever?

Love this topic too! I agree TresstheFool--having kids is not the only or best way to leave a mark on the world or continue your ideals. And great point--share the traditions with others if they're so great!

One thing that my husband and I want to do is either create or leave our money to some kind of animal sanctuary. Something that will be there forever to protect a habitat, even if it's a small group of animals. Hopefully it would inspire others--especially the ones who keep having children and creating a huge impact on the planet--to think more about protecting the environment.

"Most of those "my great-great grandmother did _______" is related to our parents making a cross-continental journey for a new life. Most of us won't do that."

I have done that - and my husband has - and I might do it again.

I am wondering the same thing actually about "Memorializing "us" and thinking of how to do that. I have started keeping diaries again but I only write the positive things in them and I blog and I have LOTS of photos. In albums and mostly travel photos but there are also two photo albums at least of me and hubby.

And some photos of his family and an album of my family and my friends from NZ.

Like I have said in the future I want to sponsor a rainforest and I heard of one you can name - name part of one - after finding out how much UK Residency will cost us, um, we won't be doing that THIS year! But I would LOVE to do that!
So it's something I am thinking about.
I used to be able to write poems and I would LOVE to get something - ANYTHING! - by me in print published but so far so luck (yet!)

So, I'm still thinking about this one, asking myself the same questions. As well as the memories there are little things like how my hubby recommends mint tea for upset stomaches and aniseed tea for sore throats and colds and it seems to work and that's a little thing I'd like to pass on for e.g. Plus some words of wisdom!
Our school has started a "time capsule" and I wrote something in the book - a poem. So 100 years later, hopefully, they will dig it up and find it!

I guess this would be an appropriate place to mention that I would like to create a work of fiction - fantasy, actually, that will follow themes that I'm interested in, such as the devastation of overpopulation. Tress the Fool is actually a character from the book.

Ironic you should bring this up. Someone very dear to me is dying with brain cancer, and it got me thinking about a will and who to leave what to....Assuming my parents have already kicked the bucket, I decided to leave most of my belongings to my best friend. She is like my sister -- literally. She has a brother and I have no siblings, so we are the sister the other never had. Then, there are some things I will leave to my younger cousins.

But as I started to think about all of this, I started to think about how I want to be remembered. So, now I am on a journey of cleaning up my clutter. I want to be remembered happily so I am throwing out the negative journals and poems...that may reveal things I'd prefer not to share with others.

And since I am an only child, it is also sad for me to think of my funeral and who would plan it. I have no children and no hubby. And I think my cat may have a little communication trouble! Ha ha