BellaOnline Forums Family Single Parents Do you want to get married again?

For all of you who are single parents, do you want to get married and have a spouse to share the burdens and joys with or would you rather wait until the kids are grown?

I haven't started dating again or even thinking about it. I have 2 kids, an 8 year old and a 5 year old and am divorced. Altho my ex doesn't have much to do with the kids, I don't think they'd like sharing me with anyone else. I was a step child growing up and swore my children would never be in that position.

I was wondering what others thought about it.

Beth

I make no judgement about the choices of others unless of course the jeopardize their children. I know of some people who remarry and are happy. However with the divorce rate being at over %51 for first time marriages and even higher for 2nd and 3rd, it seems like a poor gamble.

I have been divorced for 5 years now and have been concentrating on my daughter. The men I have had in my life seem self absorbed enough to think their needs come before those of the child. If the child isn't even theirs, that would be even more likely to happen.

I have issues with trust and I don't feel like I can continue to be a good and effective Mother to my child while being embroiled in a relationship. I actually enjoy being on my own, making it ALL about my daughter. We do our own thing and don't have to answer to anyone.

I spent a life of giving away little parts of myself to satisfy the men in my life, I am DONE doing that. I am done compromising, done being reason, done with it all. I like it that I can paint MY office pink and green with floral curtains, I like it that I can spend the money on Disney passes and spend every available moment there, I like it that I can go with my daughter and spend a lazy day at the beach whenever I want to. I like it that I don't have to share the bed or the closet with anyone AND that my cats have plenty of room to sleep with me.

The men I have been with have always made so many demands on me, the men in my family as well. Thats over now and its all about my daughter and I. From my experience, men are too high maintenance, I would rather enjoy the company of my cats.

YEA Lisa! Great post.

I feel as you do about men and giving away parts of myself to satisfy them. I, too, focus on my kids and making a great life for them.

I had a bad experience as a step daughter. Both my parents remarried so I had a stepmom and a stepdad. I know I wasn't all that nice to my stepmom, (I lived with her) but I think that's what kids do when someone they don't want enters their life and they are forced to deal with it. She and I have a good relationship now but it took years and me growing up-a lot!

I just don't want to put my kids in that position and it really isn't fair to anyone I'd marry either as a good share of my time, attention and love always goes to my kids first.

I hope you don't mind a male perspective here.

After being a single parent for 8+ years now, I just don't think I could share my life with anyone other than my child. I like my life the way it is. My son's mom has been absent for years and I've had to work hard to get where I am. I just don't see myself getting remarried. It would just complicate things.

To throw a monkey wrench in it all, I had a very good female friend recently indicate romantic feelings toward me. I didn't expect it and asked for time to think. I just don't know.

I'm really glad to have a male perspective! Most of the men I know want someone to cook and clean for them-lol. Glad to see a guy who isn't afraid to go it alone.

After 8 years it would be hard to share you life with someone else AND your child. How old is your son?

You'd have to be very sure that if you were to get into a romantic relationship with this woman that she and your son got along and she could "fit in" with your relationship with him.

Hey ya'll! How about a completely different perspective?! I've always been single and I hate it. I've just never found someone that I was willing to share a life with me and my son. He's 13 now. We do very good on our own, but late at night after he's asleep, I wish there was someone to spend the rest of my evenings with. And soon, my son isn't going to want to spend a lot time with his mom. What am I supposed to do then? My dad tells me all the time not to hold my breath anymore. I'm very independent and I'm told I can be difficult. Well when you have to raise a kid all by yourself then you learn not to be pushed around. Does that make me difficult?
Ya'll may have had bad marriages or a spouse who was a bad parent, but at least you had the illusion for a while. Some of us have never had anything even close. I want to get married the first time!
Please, no one think I'm giving any of you a hard time. I promise I'm not. I just have friends who are on their second or third marriages and I can't even seem to do it once. Irony at its best.
I think that for now there's nothing wrong with staying single and concentrating on your children. Humans are not meant to be alone though. Somewhere down the line, you'll meet someone you won't have to compromise yourself for. Trust your instincts. They're usually right.

no i wouldn't want to get married, i'm to set in my ways. to have to live with someone the rest of my life, no thanks
2 of my married friends now are sleeping in separate bedrooms. ugh
I do what i want when i want, I'm 60yrs old never been married i wouldn't even want to just live with someone out side of marriage.
I like being single

oh ya and i raised 4 children as a single parent. and i raised a grandchild as a single grandparent

RedJulieW, I think you may be seeing the end of the road with raising your son and it gets lonely to think they'll go off to their own lives. My sister gave up relationships to raise her daughter and got married the very year her daughter left for college and she's happy now.

I'm not saying there's no way to be happy and have a step parent situation. Maybe you just need some activities that give you "adult time" like taking a class to make some friends, etc. The teen years can be tough tho, so it might be hard to really integrate a man into your life in the next few years, at least seriously.

Way to go, rosie! I know that must have been a tough job!