BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Where are you with regard to the fence?

How beautifully poetic!

thanks, ingilbert

The only fence I'm concerned about is pasture fence

The only moments I've been having lately is the state of my gyno issues. The thought of having parts being taken away from me kind of sparks images of the possibility of me ever birthing a child.

But I think it has more to to do with having something taken away without much choice than the ability to carry a child to term. I'm pretty stubborn and I hate being told what I can or cannot do.

I was pretty much born childfree BUT sometimes I have wandered onto the top of the fence, sat, looked over and pondered. And when I was a teen I fanticized about having twins (you can thank "Sweet Valley High" for that!)
So I have my fencesitter moments, they are very few and far between but they are still there.
Like just the other day I felt a bit sad cos there will be no hubby+me wandering around and you know I actually DO want to leave something!
But firstly (I am reminding myself)
Both our younger brothers and their respective wives have a boy and a girl so it's not like the line or genes or surnames will not be continued. But it's a bit sad for me that our mix me and him will not continue. BUT the world is NOT exactly running out of Egyptians, New Zealanders, Muslims, those who have spiritual beliefs like mine, English speakers or Arabic speakers!
And I have met a boy and a girl who had an Egyptian father and a New Zealand mother so they DO exist!
Our kids could be good looking but they could also be ugly I mean for e.g. his mum and dad are very overweight and I was BORN a bit chubby.
As far as our personalities, cultures whatever, the reality is the kid will have their OWN opinions, beliefs etc. and maybe they will not give a DAMN about their roots, who can say?
What kids really should have is being born to two parents who really really want them and we don't.
As far as leaving something behind well I have contributed to several charities in the past, we contribute to one now and he planted at least 10 trees with his father as a child and given blood several times. Hopefully one day I'll get something published - in print - and there are photos of the two of us as well, enjoying our childfree life.
And yes we may basically be really nice good kind and generous people but who says our kids would be - what if they grew up to be the opposite?
Our sensitive lovely little hearts would just be shattered.
As for the twins thing, yes strong possibility but no guarantee.
So yeah sometimes I waver but
on the whole I was BORN childfree and every day I am grateful to still be childfree!

HAHA
Oh Give me a home
where the child free roam
and the lads and the lass's play...
Where seldom is heard
a childish word?!!!
and the dipers dont stink up the sky!!!
Home home on the range.....

LMAO!!!
I think i missed my calling... I could have been the female verion of Cletus T Judd!!

edited because I left out a line....

Oh Linux lady, you're a woman after my own heart. I love messing with people too. Unfortunately I know that although the joke would be fantastic, they would get the last laugh because I'd have to be a mother!

I can understand that some people have a really tough time coming to terms with their decision not to have children. I hope that everyone who is unsure gains some peace of mind when they visit this forum.

I definitely feel like I was born on this side of the fence. Never wanted to be a mother, and I never really question my lack of desire. It's just not for me.

However, there are some things that I ponder, similar to playing 'what ten things would I have on a desert island?'.

I wonder what it is like to be pregnant, what name I would give a baby, what it might look/act like, and how I would decorate a nursery. Doesn't make me want to actually do these things though!

I'm not sure where I was born, maybe in the clouds since I never even thought about the issue. I thought about marriage and weddings but nothing else, I have no idea why. My parents never mentioned it, school never mentioned it. Everthing was focused around education. My husband was the one who mentioned not wanting kids and that's what made me think about it.

Right now I'm pretty much over the fence but still keeping it in view, I'm not sure how I'll feel when my friends and sister have kids. But ultimately I don't see how I could fit kids into the life path I've created. I'm still in school and working, we need 2 paychecks. I'll eventually be working on a dissertation and looking for a tenure track position at a college. None of these really allow for raising kids. People do it all the time I know but I know I can't handle it. I get anxious and worry about nothing and everything.

I might have seen the fence when I was younger, but I moved off to the other side of the world

I was at a super bowl party this past weekend with two couples each have 2 + kids. I was observing the entire time having still not told my boyfriend anything about this site or that I have almost definitely made my decision to be CF...one woman had one of her screaming kids in her arms the entire night. She looked haggard and tired as if she had not even had the chance to shower before she came (not that she would have anyway..) the kid was upset about most everything and the dialogue between herself and her husband the ENTIRE night consisted of the kids. Mostly bossing around her husband to get her this and that for the kid.. Then, the husband asked the question...it was the first time in this relationship that I have been asked...here it comes.. you know it .... "When are you two going to try for some of these?...You can borrow ours for a test run!" We literally just looked at eachother and did not comment. He saw our faces and moved on. I just smiled the whole way home..talk about a sign!

Sometimes, silence does speaks volumes! Good for you!