BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Question

My husband and I were talking last night about the lack of support we receive from our friends in our child free stance. We are looked at in a very condescending, confused way where we live and I attribute that to the culture of the midwest. I find it very hard to be around people sometimes when the norm is having kids the second you're married and you're weird if you don't.

This in addition to the fact that we are trying to decide whether or not we want to move to another state brings up my question to you: Would you ever move (or have you already moved) for the sole purpose of finding a better support group for your childfree decision? If so, how has it turned out for your life and are there any recommendations for "child free cities" (preferrably in the Southern states)?

Katie

I don't think I'd ever move (except to get away from this damn school!) for the purpose of being in a CF place.

I think anywhere you go, with a few exceptions, is going to be very child-oriented. Unless you are in a big city, you're going to run into lots of people with kids.

Ingilbert, you can look forward to summer when the kids are out of school. enjoy

Sadly, I think Ingilbert is right--there's really no way to escape it in the USA. We've lived on the west coast, east coast, rockies, midwest, and it's been the same everywhere although I will say that the midwest was the worst! Talk about the pressure over not having kids good luck!

We visit Chicago frequently (I know Ingilbert is from there) and downtown seems to have the least amount of children - depending on where you spend your time. Obviously there are more families located in certain areas such as the museums, but overall, it is the midwest away from "my midwest" (Central Indiana) in my opinion. I have also heard people talk about California before in posts. I realize anywhere you visit there will be families, but I think more of what we're looking for is acceptance of our decision and much less pressure to be like the norm. It's definitely more prominent in the midwest than in other places we've visited....

Being CF is a small part of who you are. You should move for better opportunities and a better lifestyle, and to follow your interests and passions, but for CF? Nah. I moved halfway around the world, but my CF stance never even factored into that decision.

I guess it has a lot to do with you. If you're happy in the decision and confident enough to stand up to the bingos, then you'll be happy anywhere. You're going to get it wherever you go - for all that 20% of us are CF, it still means that 80% of us aren't, and that's the same all over.

I can see that some areas would be worse than others, though. Finding CF friends can be tough, but they're out there - just keep looking!

I agree with Pikasam. Follow your passions, interests, heart and you will automatically cross paths with like-minded people. I have a lot of CF friends in all the places I have ever lived (4 cities, 3 countries) but I wasn't seeking them out because I was CF. i just happened to meet them through my work, hobbies etc.

On the other hand, it is inevitable, simply because of social demographics, that you are likely to meet more CF people in an inner-city, urban environment than you are out in the suburbs or a country town. But that's not necessarily so either.

At the moment I live in a beach suburb environment with lots of families (something I never thought I'd do - Pikasam, I bet you are guessing where) but it hasn't really bothered me. I spent years in apartments in London where everyone around me for miles lived alone in an apartment and was a 20/30/40-something single professional. I actually found that a little one-dimensional after a while. I decided that just because I wasn't a mother didn't mean I wanted to eliminate children from my life. Now I rather like the sound of children playing in the neighbour's backyard while I work away at my computer on a Saturday afternoon. It doesn't affect the rest of my life.

Just got a little image of Coupling in my head!

That's an interesting point, though. I had to toss up between two houses I really liked when I bought in Calgary. One was in an older, quieter area, and the other had a much newer house for the same $$, but in a new/starter home area that I knew was going to be CRAWLING with kids. Guess which one I chose?

Not that it made much of a difference though. In five years I've acquired a few new neighbours, and now I'm surrounded. At least the yard is bigger, and the dogs and cats like it :-)

I liked Coupling, but did you notice the show ended when a baby entered the scene?

Cindy