BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Health Issues and Being CF

There are many reasons that all of us decide Not to have children. Many, many reasons for some of us. I have thought about everything from the cost of college to the pain of child birth to the lack of sleep to raising a teenager. I also VERY much worry about the possible health issues for myself and a possible baby. For example, I am diabetic.

To become pregnant and be a diabetic makes me high risk immediately even if I am in good control. It is not even safe for me today, at this time, to become pregnant for a few reasons right now such as some meds I am taking. Being diabetic and becoming preggers can cause several birth defects in a fetus (spinal tube problems, limb deformities, for example) especially in early pregnancy if/when sugar levels are not controlled. It may also mean everthing from fatigue for me down to becoming pre-eclamptic (high blood pressure during pregnancy which is life threatening) to kidney failure in me while pregnant. Very serious issues to say the least. The profession I work in allows me to know all of these risks up front. I am not naive to them.

My question to you all is this: Have any of you post-poned having kids or decided not to have kids due to underlying health reasons? I figure that I can't be the only one out there. It is a big risk factor in my decision making - along with all of the other typical CF reasons for not having kids.

Hi! Thanks for sharing; I had no idea about these issues for a diabetic when it came to pregancy. Not sure if this would really be considered health related, but one of the reasons we've decided not to have kids is the mental illness that I have on my side of the family--schizophrenia, depression, etc. I saw my dad and step brother struggle so much that I just don't want to chance passing that on to someone else. And, now that we are starting to see signs of these illnesses in my neice and nephew I'm even more convinced that we made the right decision (along with all the other reasons we are CF!).

I know there are lots of people out there like us with these health/family genetics issues that still take the risk and really want kids, and often there are no problems at all with the children, but I think you are being very thoughtful and responsible for really carefully considering what you want to do--that is a very UNselfish thing to do!

I also have mental health concerns that help with my decision. I am a very nervous person and have to take medication, meditate and go to therapy to keep from having nervous breakdowns. I need a certain number of hours every day to refocus and remind myself that everything is okay. When I don't do this, I become paranoid, frightened and often very angry. When I'm at my worst I have to battle suicidal thoughts and it can knock me off my feet for days.

In case some of you havent' noticed, I can also be a very negative person. I tend to see the worst and have to work very hard on being positive. I think it would be unfair to a child to subject them to this.

The sad thing is that my issues are not uncommon. When I think of the number of mothers who have the same problems that I do, it makes me sick.

One of the reasons I decided not to have kids is migraines. My mother has them and they are genetic. We both started having them at the same age...16. After she gave birth to me, her migraines became so terrible that they literally put her to bed for 3 or 4 days at a time. So, I don't want to risk ending up with such horrible migraines. I have them now, but they are at least bearable -- I can still work and function in everyday life.

Yep. This is a big issue for me. I think I have a genetic inferiority complex, compared to some people, because I see people all the time who have obvious serious genetic flaws who think nothing of popping out little replicas of themselves.

My health reasons run the gamut from major (husband had cancer at young age and I had Crohn's disease, MIL and grandmother had Alzheimer's) to minor. Athough I do have some good physical qualities, I'm not kidding when I say I hate my curly hair, and had skin problems when I was a teen, and would feel badly passing those and other traits on.

In addition to risk of passing them on, there's a huge risk that parenting could make my own health issues worse.

What bothers me intensely about being bingoed by people who know me well (family, friends) is that they know my health history and my husband's, and you can remind people until the cows come home about that, our ages, and other perfectly reasonable reasons, and they STILL will insist that I'm making a mistake by not having kids (or they'll suggest adoption of course). For example, I bet if I pointed out the Alzheimer's risk to my dad, he'd say, "Well, then you'll especially need someone to take care of you when you're old." UG!

I don't really have any health problems except the anxiety that would keep me from having kids, but I do know other people who have had very serious problems and have insisted on having kids. One of my friends almost died giving birth due to pre-eclampsia - twice. Both kids were born at least 2 months prematurely and obviously had to stay in the hospital for two months.

I also have a friend whose first child was born with a genetic disease that is only passed actively to males, females are just carriers. The boy went blind at 3 months, and for a long time it was also possible that he could lose his hearing as well. She wanted another kid so she got pregnant and prayed that it would be a girl. It was. But now when her daughter grows up and has children, her boys will inherit the genetic disorder because now she's a carrier.

In both cases, I have no idea why the parents would risk having a second child. Obviously, the first girl's body is trying to tell her something, and the second girl should have just known better.

But again, if you want kids, having them is more important than the possible outcome, isn't it? Grrr.

One of our reasons was Down's on both sides of both our families with varying degrees of mental capacity (all cousins, which allegedly would not nec. increase our risk). There are also mental health issues (severe addictions, bipolar, depression, etc) on DH's side. If I had really, really wanted a child, none of this would be compelling enough on its own to dissuade me; but as a fence-sitter, it was compelling enough to push me to the CF side.

That's something that drives me nuts about watching Extreme Home Makeover. You have these families who had a disabled child... and then had more children! Some of the families had a severly disabled child and went on to have several more disabled children. Even if they thought that there wasn't a chance that the next kid would be disabled, the knowledge of the cost and effort of taking care of the disabled child should have stopped them right there. And now they're in trouble and need help. Surprise! And it drives me just batty, because yes, the kids really do need help, but the parents are idiots. Let's build the house for the kids and give them some new parents, too.

See - I knew there were more people out there who dealt with these issues than any of us even knew. And yes, usually unless someone is diabetic and of child bearing age, they rarely know about the pregnancy issues that can occur. Also, woman who are diabetic tend to have larger babies due to increased blood glucose issues so there are problems with birthing as well...permanent shoulder damage to the baby during birth and such.

I wonder that "what if" I had a baby and it was born with spina bifida which I know is a possibility but I went and did it anyway? How could I live with myself? Or - what if I damaged my kidneys due to pregnancy stress and went into kidney failure leaving my husband and baby with a sick or dead mother and wife? The only way to fix pre-eclampsia during pregnancy is to deliver ASAP. Then you have a premature baby which brings its own set of issues. The outcome of pregnancy is NOT always happiness, puppies and rainbows. Sometimes the outcome is catastrophic illness.

So, when people say "Awwww - but babies are so cute. You would make a great parent. You'll want to have one some day" OR "What? You don't want kids? Why not?!" should I just go into my personal health history and all of the possibile outcomes? Of course I shouldn't. No one wants to hear all that, right? But sometimes the CF decision is anything but selfish. Sometimes it is just the opposite. In fact, I know someone who is diabetic who recently gave birth to a very healthy baby. But, when my friend's Aunt found out that my diabetic friend was pregnant - on purpose - the Aunt said "How dare she! How selfish of her to risk the baby's health and her own. She has no right to be pregnant and diabetic!" My friend was very upset about these comments. Luckily it turned out well but there are no guarantees.

I wish more people also realized that babies are only babies for a few years. Your offspring are adults for MUCH LONGER than when they are babies.