BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids feeling like i'm on the sideline

hi everyone! i didn't know what to title this so i finally settled on this. i felt this way yesterday when the parents were picking up their kids from the daycare in the gym where i work. i get along with all the parents pretty well but when they're all together chatting away it;s usually of course about kid things and i'm stuck standing there listening to it. it makes me feel a little uncomfortable just b/c i really have nothing to add. it just made me feel kinda like an outsider looking in. i know this not being in the mommy club topic has been brought up before but it really hit home yesterday.

i'm certainly glad i'm CF but sometimes i feel left out in general. i've always had friends but i've never had a ton of friends or been popular.i guess i still have issues from when i was younger of feeling left out.

i also noticed that just having kids in common seems to bond women together. since i don't have that i have to try even harder to find women with other common interests besides kids.



indigo

Hi indigo!

I think your feelings are pretty normal. I feel the same when some of my pupils mothers are chatting and laughing about their kids...

Being some kind of outsider is almost normal for CF women/men I think, because we are free thinkers in many ways...and anyone who's way of life is different from the crowd is some kind of "alien"

I just have a few friends, most of them are older then me and my husband (with or without kids), but they are very near friends and that's all that matters.

So: Quality matters more than quantity!!!!

Juliana

A few of the women at work are talking about their toddles and potty training. I just go elsewhere and am happy I don't have to go through that. I know it does bond a lot of women together to be mothers and I am not part of that. Where it bothers me is at family get-togethers. The cousins all have children and I am the odd one. They actually look at me with sympathy - they don't seem to realize that we want it this way. Just because I enjoy playing with their kids for a while doesn't mean I am envious.
It does make you feel left out but I know that I am doing the right thing.
Actually, they get to talking about the stress and the financial strains, as well as dealing with tantrums, so they may actually be envious of me

Indigo, I know what you mean. I often feel like I'm an outsider among groups of women. That's why it's so difficult for me to go to church, where it's all about the kids. I don't know that I really have an answer for you, other than I know how it feels, and that the feeling ends and I can move on to doing the things that I really enjoy in life. In some ways it is lonlier, but the satisfaction outways those occasional feelings.

*waves* I can relate as well. I don't go to church, don't go out to eat as much, and I pretty much keep to myself at work. I can't really relate to most people cause they either (1) are parents (2) want to be parents or are (3) parents in the making.

I had lunch with some coworkers yesterday. The two other women present were going on and on about Hannah Montana and then the price of private school (they both have tween/teen daughters). Needless to say I had nothing to contribute there. So I turned to the (gay) male coworker next to me and said "Wow, I can get lots of dog training for the price private school costs!" (Upwards of $5K a year, tuition only!) He didn't have much to contribute to the womens' conversation either!

Yet another reason I'm glad not to have kids...having to make the decision between public or private school, and if choosing private school, having to pay for it!

Cindy

Hanna Montana- major reason not to have kids right there.

People around here are always complaining how they can barely keep afloat because their kids are in private school. I can understand why they feel the need to put their kids in public school, after subbing, but all I can think is, "then why did you have THREE KIDS?"

Wow, it must be way more expensive for private schools in Australia. My boss has been paying around $20k per year for each of his sons.

i must say that i know more about HM and high school musical than i ever wanted to know from the 6 yr. old girl i babysit. i swear she's obssessed with them! i almost felt sorry for her parents b/c of it. after a few hrs.it was starting to drive me crazy!

i guess for feeling left out the more i've thought about it i guess the more i just have to accept it. i really appreciate all of your comments and just knowing that i'm not alone makes me feel better. i swear all of you are just great and i know that whenever i come here i always feel better. thanks again!

on a side note my one friend who is preggers her and her hubby sent us an email about getting together and i swear they signed it so &so and(baby) it just irritated me for some reason.i know they're excited and i'm happy for them but i just thought it was a little over the top. the baby isn't even here yet.i guess that would be like me before sending a card before i got married to some people and signing it future wife.i guess i just dont' get it.

indigo

I find that bringing up other topics helps. Usually there is something else you can talk about. Sometimes I get the feeling that parents are grateful to talk to someone else who is interested in things other than potty training, school, and the latest kid stuff. And remember, there are times when parents, especially SAHMs and SAHDs, can feel left out when at an office gathering or other adult-focused event. So, everybody deals with it at times.