BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Night Owl - and CF List - EMPOWERING

Okay, I can't sleep. But the refreshing thing is, I don't have to get up at 6 a.m. with a crying infant, or pack lunches and get someone on a school bus.

God, I wish there were office jobs late at night. I am so creative and with it right now. But then again, maybe the reason I like it is b/c it's quiet, and I get some down and alone time.

Okay, since I can't sleep, I think I will share my list of reasons for being CF with all of you. I know we've talked about many different reasons over time on the board, but there is power (and safety) in numbers. And I feel so good every time I look at this list. I've seen them elsewhere, but I think I have some that might not have made some of the other lists.

Long before I found this blessed forum, I had a list of reasons, and it was saved on my computer desktop. I think this is the third computer my list has resided on. It was my only CF friend before I met you guys... So here goes.

1. You can't go anywhere, unless you take a diaper bag, stroller, snacks or other entertainment.
2. Changing diapers
3. Getting up in the middle of the night and early in the morning (okay, I'm up in the middle of the night, but no one is crying ;))
4. Lack of sleep when the baby is young, because of worry and then again when the kid starts driving.
5. Lack of privacy, this is a big one for me. I like going to the bathroom by myself, being able to write random things and not worrying that they will be posted on someone's my space page. Being able to have a lingerie drawer, and condoms in the house without worrying about who will find them.
6. My Space - the way that this, and the Internet can be misused by naive kids scares me to death.
7. Constant cleaning - Mr. Clean and I are not friends. Cleaning up spills, GI oops moments, crayon on painted walls, dog stuff that the kids tracked in.
8. Less time alone with partner. Not just to have sex, but to be able to have a conversation, have dinner in peace.
9. Having to make dinner every night. Sometimes I like to eat trail mix out of a container, and I know this wouldn't go over well with kids or social services.
10. Relationship with partner compromised because of disagreements over how to raise/discipline kids.
11. Learning how to live with much less money. Not having money for things I take for granted now.
12. Less options with regards to career. Not being able to change jobs if my boss/coworkers/job sucks b/c there are mouths to feed.
13. Less free time.
14. Less time for hobbies
15. Problems during childbirth
16. The chance that a child could be born mentally retarded or autistic, making the child and parents' life extremely difficult
17. Disciplinary problems - I don't like disciplining people or telling them what to do.
18. Kids stay at home until they are almost 30 now. Some marry later, never marry, and don't feel inspired to relocate. Go figure.
19. Being responsible for a teenage driver, who could kill someone with the family car, which could result in the home being taken away.
20. Teen pregnancy
21. If the relationship with the kid's father ends, it would be very difficult for me to date again. It makes things very complicated.
22. If the relationship ends, raising the child as a single parent
23. Weight gain during pregnancy, which can be very difficult to take off, because of lack of time, energy to exercise.
24. Grandparents up your @#$ about how you are raising the kids. They have plenty to say, and would visit much more often.
25. Living a G-rated life - both in speech patterns and movie selections
26. Stuck going to kiddie events in free time - related to loss of free time above.
27. Your kids may be interested in stuff you hate, and you may end up with an iguana in your house. Stranger things have happened.
28. Puberty - I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
29. Hanging out with boring parents - I know some that are interesting, but the vast multitude are not. Why, because they are the multitude, and therefore common.
30. Not having time to see your friends, or friendships completely evaporating.
31. Issues surrounding school: bullies, principals, learning issues, ADHD, blah blah blah
32. It's a [censored] shoot - you don't know what you are going to get.
33. Lack of freedom - you can't go to that interesting conference, or get time off to go anywhere
34. Can't be a night owl anymore - I mentioned that above, but I don't think it's numbered. No night life unless you are rich and have a nanny on call.
35. Emergency rooms - it's inevitable. One of my friends sent an email out about her boy's first trip to the emergency room. She knows he will be going there again, that's why she called it his first trip. He needed several stitches, BTW.
36. Queasy stomach - don't like blood, worms, catterpillars, snots, etcs.
37. Child abuse - no matter how hard you try, something bad could happen to your child. You can't be there every minute.
38. Kidnapping - this kind of goes with child abuse I guess, but it's something that gives me pause. Although most of us can't imagine wanting to take someone else's child, there are freaks out there that will do this.
39. Underage drinking - same as teen drivers above. If your kid has a party at your house, and they are under 18.
40. They inherit our faults - okay, I know they inherit the good stuff, too, but I don't want to deal with someone else that is as impatient as me.
41. I don't have the patience for it.
42. Energy zap - they can suck the life out of the sun.
43. It's crowded enough on the planet, which brings me to...
44. Global warming
45. Living with excessive noise
46. Living in chaos
47. Having to spend time with other people's kids
48. Not being able to have a conversation while kids are around
49. Their neediness
50. Their self-centeredness. And they say we are self-centered. I know it's part of their development, but it's still hard to deal with.
51. Limited resources, jobs, etc.
52. Childhood illnesses
53. Still births
54. Miscarriages
55. Childhood deaths

I think that's it for tonight. Please add to the list if you think of any I have missed. I hope this helps some undecided folks out there. It makes me feel good every time I read it.

Woo! Wow! That's one hell of a list. Can't wait to read it in detail after I have done some work.

(At least when you're up at night these days, you have friends awake all over the globe...)

Wow...what a cool list! You're really creative at night I think!!

FeebeeGeebee: That's right, I was at school when happy wrote her list
Now I'm correcting the exercises of my pupils


Have a nice day!!!
Juliana

that's a very cool list! i didn't have time to read in detail yet but i skimmed it over and you've definitely made a lot of great points!

i think you should turn that into a book!

indigo

Great job Happy!

One point that you made that I think we haven't discussed a great deal (at least not that I have remembered) is the difficulty that children throw into your love life. If the children's father is not the one for you, your chances of re-marrying without some sort of drama are pretty slim. I swear half of the Dr. Phil show is about complications with extended families.

Thank you for sharing your list. You have inspired me to think about and create a list for myself.

That is the best list ever Happy. Thanks so much for sharing it. I'm going to start a desktop file in honor of it.

Around #35/36 a related one occurred to me...a big one for me...being the main person responsible if/when your child is injured (until you can get to medical care). Having to respond and deal with minor and major wounds, and possibly hideous injuries, more so obviously if you have an energetic, adventurous child (and probably more common in male children). Having to struggle with hysterical child at the same time as dealing with medical emergencies.

I'm so glad you guys like it, and I thought of some more...

56. Can't have nice things in the house, they are frequently destroyed by kids. Antiques, nice rugs, forget it.
57. I mentioned about no time alone with spouse, but there's no alone, alone time either.
58. You have to buy new clothes for kids *every* year! Can you imagine the expense? I would be so broke if I had to buy a whole new wardrobe for myself ever year!
59. Can't just buy a house anywhere you want, have to worry about getting into a good school district. And, can't move without worrying about what it will do to the kids b/c they are in school.
60. Gender inequity - this isn't always the case, but most of the time, the woman does the hog share of the household duties
61. You are on call all the time. If you work, it's like having two full time jobs.
62. Embarassing breast leakage while pregnant and breast feeding. I can tell you stories about woman that have shot milk across the room.
63. Cluttered - constantly tripping over toys, etc.
64. Mega laundry
65. High cost of day care
66. Stretch marks, cellulite (I have a little of both now, but it would be much worse.)
67. Homework, in addition to your own "home" work
68. Responsible for bathing children until they can bathe themselves.
69. Competition among other mothers
70. The Mommy Wars - damned if you stay at home, damned if you don't
71. Double strollers - the most annoying invention ever! You might as well be driving a rickshaw!
72. Station wagons, minivans - now we have a choice, we don't have to drive one unless we want to
73. Marketing to children - commercials are geared to make kids ask for every product known to man
74. Chuck E Cheese - if you are a parent, you are going to have to spend some time here
75. Losing work related skills if you take an extended leave of absence. Sometimes women don't have a choice in this, if they become ill or develop health problems while pregnant. Having trouble getting back into the workforce
76. Financial dependence if you decide to SAH
77. Having to buy a bigger home, or one with a yard, one you might not be able to afford
78. Lack of spontaneity - have to plan ahead to get a sitter, can't just get up and go
79. Have to be prepared for a lot of unknowns - have lots of cash sitting around just in case something happens.
80. Probably won't retire as early, if ever.
81. College and dorm expenses, ouch!
82. Tons of applications and administrative paperwork, for all stages of school. What a nightmare! I hate paperwork!
83. Expense and insurance related nonsense associated with childbirth. Out of pocket expenses, if any.
84. Post partum depression

How about wiping butts??