BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Are the Boards a Time Sucker?

That is so funny, Freespirit! I think I may have a bella abuse problem, too, but I agree that it's so much better than some of the other addictions that exist! And again, it's not a crime to think too much, or to post too much, is it?

I would actually need more expensive sessions with my therapist if I wasn't on here. Even though no one is actively bingoing me right now, I am surrounded by babies and a baby oriented culture. I can't help but notice this, and find it a little weird. At least we question it. Most people think it's fine. Oh well.

This forum has been helpful for me in several ways. First, I broke up with a gal I dated for almost two years in April, 2007. For several months afterward, I had hopes we might get back together, but that didn't happen. Another member of this forum has been kind enough to give me a sounding board(via PM and regular e-mail) for my feelings and frustrations. Most of my social life and interaction with friends is through my sports activities and that generally is not conducive to discussing frustrations in one's personal life. I prefer to discuss sports with my brothers in our e-mail chats. I get along well with my parents as long as we don't discuss my personal life.

Because of my work and family circumstance, I don't get bingoed nearly as often as I did in my early 20s. Still, as I deal with the frustration of finding a CF woman, it's nice to have understanding people on this board.

Last but certainly not least, I enjoy talking with a fellow snow sports enthusiast, Pikasam.

I'm not CF and I love coming here! I belong to some other forums, but I find the diversity of Bella appealing. Seems like I find something new or an interesting thread I had not read before every time that I come. Hope y'all don't kick me out!

I stumbled upon this forum a few months ago - I was searching for CF resorts/hotels and the like and ended up reading through several threads on this forum.
As an older CF woman I could relate to the 20-30 something posters, "Oh, I remember feeling like that"..."Oh, yes..that is so annoying" and so, I felt like I wanted to contribute...let you know that I felt that way at your age.
Its also, nice to find other like minded people.
I think many of our thoughts and fears as CF people are internalized, and there is really no appropriate forum in real life to express yourself about this very private matter, so openly and honestly.
You have to be SO careful what you say in the real world about this issue AND, its impossible to explain in a few words so, I always preferred to say nothing or very little.
Even with other CF people I don't raise the topic specifically - you might talk about your CF life in general terms but that's it usually...Why?
You just don't know their situation and don't want to invade anyone's privacy - this group more than any other, knows what THAT feels like..
I have never asked anyone whether they plan to have kids, why they don't have kids - I hated people asking me, putting me "on the spot"...also, I regard it as their business.
So, when I was going through some soul searching in my late 30s, there was really nowhere to muse and vent.

Probably as a reaction to this forum and the number of young women reaching out - I have raised the topic more and more with younger women and even "taken the bait" when I've suspected a woman is fishing for support - when I open the topic, its often like a drowning man being tossed a life buoy...and the feelings come out.
In some ways I'd like to be the older CF woman who wasn't there for me.
I didn't really "discuss" the topic all that much with my DH - he's a quiet man with a scientific brain...not big on words - he discusses a topic and that's it, all decided, sorted out...why go over old ground? I think some people need to vocalize more - almost like thinking out loud.

My forum time feels like an interesting dinner party or just friends sitting around chatting VERY OPENLY...
In Japan communication can be difficult - if I don't have a friendly keyboard, I can't really post...I have found that SO frustrating!
Have you ever been in a social setting when everyone is just firing? - the topic is so interesting and you're waiting to leap into the conversation...you have something to add - its like that...but being gagged...horrible.
This forum has helped me sort out lots of stuff that has been floating around for years - writing about things that I've felt but have been largely unspoken...it had never occurred to me why my father was so accepting of my desire to do other things, until I was writing about childhood influences one day and out of the blue it hit me, "his much older sisters!!" I had missed that point all these years - it was their influence when he was growing up and later.
So, for me its almost been a voyage of self discovery and comforting to see so many men and woman feeling the way I did at 22, 28, 35, 42 and 49 (almost 50)
My DH is "bingo proof" - he just couldn't care less what other people think so, over the years he has often been puzzled why someone upset/annoyed/rattled me...
He would try and put it in perspective for me..."Oh, fair enough..if this total stranger thinks we should have kids...I suppose we better have kids"....."Does that sound like a sound strategy to you Deb?"....or, "Imagine her in the box making those leaps of logic and you're cross-examining....you'd have a field day"...
So, I'm up early...walked for 20 minutes to get to my friendly keyboard so, I could catch up...
I remember at University a group of us would get together for coffee...I hated missing those get-together's...I enjoyed the conversation, the support and the belonging...bit like that really....
Sayonara....dewa, mata...

I too also find this forum to be one of the best and most diversive.
It's nice to know there are others out there going thru some of the same things that you do, and not only that, but because of joining here, I found a great friend who is my sounding board and I love it.

So not only do I check in here for all the new posts as well as posting my own, but I check in here to get my private messages too from my new best friend.

Since my boyfriend is out to sea, they have been a great support for me as well as keeping me laughing when I feel like just breaking down.

Thank you so much you know who.. You are THE BEST!!!

Re men getting bingos:

I'm insanely jealous of my fiance whenever I get bingoed. He's got two things going for him that make him (mostly) safe from that stuff: The Y chromosome and a daughter.

I have neither. Dammit, where's my armor? 'Cause apparently saying things like "I already have a step daughter" or "Except for my step daughter, and the kids she might know, I don't really care about the little monsters" or "My cat could eat a baby" just don't deter people like they should.

Sorry, I know I'm starting to get silly, but I'm coming to the tail end of a rather draining and emotional day, and well, you good people understand. That's why I'm here. *HUGS* to you all! I love this little "time-sucker!"

good to have friends with a since of humor!!!

This is the only forum I devote regular time to and actually feel like I "fit in" at even though there is such diversity present. I work alone most of the time, so this place is a nice social outlet. I feel a sense of peace knowing there are quite a few of us out there and happiness due to the quality of my 'peers.' It's also a treat to hear from the 'elders,' as I've met very few older cfs.

What is especially intriguing to me is the commonalities of such a diverse group of people.

That's so cool. I had an older friend a few years ago that was childfree, and we talked about it a little bit. It must have been hard not to have any peers that weren't having kids. I would like to be a light in the storm to others, too. It's funny, but I got an American Girls book for my niece for Christmas. I got it at a book fair, and it was free, so it isn't like I picked it out. When I was looking to buy her another one today, I was looking to see what the different American Girl stories were about. And the one I gave her was Julie, an American Girl from the 70s. I scanned it, and there was talk about Gloria Steinem toward the back of the book, and even mention of women not changing their names. It's so me, and I know if her parents look at the book, they will think I have an agenda with my niece. But I really didn't plan it.

Anyway, I think it will be good for her to know a woman that was happy and had a good life without kids. She talks about being a vet, and if that's the case, it won't be easy to do with kids. Not to say it's impossible.

Anyway, I think her parents would be [censored] if they thought I was persuading her though. I think they have a pretty traditional life planned for her. But as we know, the best made plans subject to change...

So nicely put. I feel exactly the same way. This is the only forum I devote time to. It has been a lifesaver for me, and it has carried me through a significant emotional journey over the last six months. I consider it a worthwhile use of my time. My DH is really supportive of it because he can see how it has helped me (and is no doubt relieved that it's helped get me off his case about children!!). Every time I have an attack of the guilts about being online, I remind myself that this is for ME.

After all, think of all the time I have saved by not having children.

I do admit though, that I sometimes have to be disciplined and save the forum as a "reward" for when my work is completed. The conversations are so interesting, compelling and validating. And it's really exciting when you post something and it gets a response. That's a cool feeling :-)