BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Supportive Parents

I just wanted to say that I am very happy that I have a supportive mother that has never even asked me if I wanted to have children.(My father is deceased and I have been with the same man for 18 years.) She has accepted my decision since the moment I told her that I did not have the desire to breed. Coming from a family of eight children, and giving birth to four children herself---I actually was quite surprised initially that she was not disappointed with my decision. If she was disappointed with my decision or put pressure on me--I wonder if that would make me feel inadequate??I am curious how your parents feel and how it affects you???

I don't think my dad cares one way or another, and I couldn't give a flying leap about his opinion anyway. I think my mom is...Amused by my decision. Not that she doesn't believe me, but...I don't know, it's hard to explain. In any case, there's no pressure on me, especially since all three of my siblings have spawned. :P

My mom is disappointed, but has vowed not to try to make my sister and I feel guilty for the decisions that we make with our own lives. This doesn't apply to religion, of course. She is self-conscious because her own mother was so overbearing with her.

Either way, her reaction doesn't do anything to change my mind.

My mother had 5 children - she has never put pressure on me or even asked...she knew I would take another path in life.
Mum regards the subject as a private matter - she would never presume to tell other people what to do with their lives.
My father said to me once (after visiting a child mad relative) "why don't you have a couple of kids"...I said, "it doesn't really interest us Dad"...he said, "Oh, fair enough"...
It was never mentioned again.
My DH's family are not really into kids...he has a CF brother and sister so, only one of his siblings had kids. We were never asked about kids by anyone in his family.
The pressure came from relatives, (cousins and a couple of aunts) friends, workmates, acquaintances and strangers.

What's a supportive parent?

My dad's idea of supporting my choice is continuing to say things like "when your kids are..."

Mom... well, you folks have heard enough about my mom to know she's more rude than not, so you can guess what her reaction is.

I'm very lucky to have supportive parents AND supportive inlaws in relation to my childfree decision.
My GOD myrabeth that cat photo looks a lot like the cat I used to have except she wasn't stripy!!
When I was 21 and in love with a guy I thought I couldn't be with I said "Mum, would you be sad if I never got married and never had kids?"
And she said of course she would.
But now that I have no kids and she doesn't know I'm married she's proud of the life I live and so is my dad!
My colleagues are a pain in the [censored] about when are we gonna have kids but my family and friends are wonderful.
My mum also said she was surprised when I became a teacher because "You never played with younger kids when you were growing up and you never even played with baby dolls." (LOVED dollshouses though, still do!)
She also on another occasion said that I "totally ignored my younger brother when he was born and so on. Just wasn't interested in him."
Hmm now that he's grown up I KNOW WHY!!!!
(Maybe I was psychic back then!!)
And my mum used to say I (me) am unconventional.
At first I thought it was an insult but I came to embrace it!
And not follow the crowd.
I do care what people think about some things but NOT about my life choices. OK I care but I DON'T let them affect my life choices!
So I am very VERY lucky with the parents and inlaws and also lucky that my brother and sister in law have a boy and a girl AND my brother and his wife have a boy and a girl so the inlaws and the parents already HAVE grandchildren of both sexes which helps a LOT!
Plus mum has a friend who is close to my age and the friend gets SO BINGOED by HER mum and made the friend feel like @#!!! and my mum has probably seen all that and knows better than to put me through it.
I just wish my colleagues would leave me alone though.
And my parents are NOT perfect!
For example I'm SECRETLY married for good reason!
But at least they are good about THIS!!

That's pretty much how it is in my family. I know my mom is a little disappointed she won't be a grandma, but she has my sister's child, and is involved in his life. (My sister is my half sister through my dad, and lived with me and my mom for 6 years part-time when she was little, so she was very close to my mom.)

And yes, amused is a great way to describe my mom.

My Mom is tolerant of my choice, while I think still not really understanding the whys behind it. All she wanted as a young woman was to get married and have children, so I think that she truly cannot fathom why a woman wouldn't want that. It's a bit disappointing to her, too, because, despite the fact that she has 10 grandchildren, I am her only daughter and according to her, it's different when your daughter has a baby. Early on I got alot of the "it's different when it's your child", "who will take care of you when you are old?", "if M dies you'll have no one and you'll be so lonely", but she now just accepts it and rarely comments. We do have three kitties that we spoil rotten and she asks about my "babies" every time we talk and addresses all the mail she sends to DH, me and the three furballs, so I do think she has reached the point of acceptance! I do consider myself very lucky, as I know there are many others on this site who struggle with this.

My mom is very supportive. She doesn't put any pressure on me to have children or get married. She says it's my life and I can do whatever I want as long as it makes me happy. My dad and I have a strained relationship at best so his opinion isn't really a factor. However, I have grown somewhat closer to him lately and he's not putting any pressure on me either. My parents got divorced when I was 8 and my brother was 5. We lived with my mom until we were old enough to move out. We were latch-key kids. My mom has not been with a man in about 20 years so that could be a factor in her opinion. She's happy being single. My brother does have 2 kids, BTW. Even if he didn't my mom still wouldn't pressure me.

As I mentioned in an earlier post my ex-GF and I broke up just 1 month ago after being together for 4 years. My mom never told me that we needed to get married asap and make babies. However, my ex-GF's mom (I'll call her S) was totally the opposite. Her opinion was that every woman should be married and have children. My ex comes from a family with 5 kids. S is a very self-centered, opinionated person. She is always right, while everyone else is wrong. She even had a temper tantrum at Christmas because she didn't get to listen to the music she wanted. She stood up, then plopped herself back into her chair, crossed her arms, huffed and puffed and refused to open gifts. This from a 49 year old woman...pathetic and childish. These are the "mothering" skills that my ex-GF learned from her mom. Sad.

They both (ex-GF and her mom) tried to get me to change my mind about children. There was a point there where my head was spinning so much that I even said "ok". However, it was thankfully shortlived. I was ignoring my instincts. Temporary insanity perhaps? I could not be with someone who didn't respect my opinion and only listened to her narcissistic mother. I do want to get married someday but not to the wrong person. She tried to change me. I never tried to change her. There was no fairness or equality in our relationship. Just constant pressure on me to marry and have children. It was too much for me to handle so we broke up.

Anyway, long story short - I have no pressure to provide grandchildren for my parents. Which is a very nice feeling.

My parents are very supportive. They know its not what I want with my life. My mum is proud of other things I have done with myself. I am so thankful they are so accepting.