BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids mothers VS childfree

I agree, Linux. I can't abide people who take on a responsibility and have no clue what they're getting into. It drove me crazy when I was at school - the kids who went on to college who OBVIOUSLY shouldn't be there, all they did was whine, whine, whine. No clue. Graduate school was SUCH a relief because for the first time in my college career I was surrounded by people who WANTED to work their butts off.

That's how it is with everything else. They expect things to just be EASY. Life isn't easy, you don't just coast through school, or pets, or kids.

Ingilbert- I'm at a Junior College right now, and MOST of the young girls have at least one child. I admire their determination greatly to provide the best life possible for themselves and their child/children, but I am also alarmed at how young the parents are around me. I have yet to find a CF person around my age at the school, rarely even among recent high-school grads.

Fairyblues, hello and welcome. I think that you'll find many a sympathetic ear here. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through - I imagine that if I had a child, I would feel the same way too. I really hope that it gets easier for you. Just out of interest, how old is your son?

Just to add to the number of children and level of education, this was actually mentioned in my social psychology textbook. Obviously there are exceptions and it did not state that parents were uneducated, just that the more years the parent spend in school (BA, MA, PHD, MD...) the less children they tend to have.
Social Psychology 3rd edition edited by Feldman, Prentice Hall.

Those statistics make sense because the longer a woman takes getting educated, most likely she's putting off having kids until later if she's still planning to have them. I think fertility goes down the older you get, so it would follow that more education, less children. I don't think the research is necessarily saying, "Mothers are dumber than CF", it's just that prime fertility years are early 20's, and that's also the age when people usually go to college or grad school.

And wow! Parents who don't think we're evil for talking about our feelings about having children. Thank you!

I totally agree with you!
My blood ran cold as I read the commend of the CF woman.
Regreting motherhood is a very delicate topic and it should be handled in an adequate way. Her commend was just below the belt and meets some mother's expectations about CF women I think...

Juliana

I think the comment was a bit below the belt..but I also think it's needed. Hear me through:

I have a favorite book that discusses war amongst mortals, the gods, etc. It's based on Greek mythology (loosely based). One of the key tennants was the god Loki..always championing chaos..simply because everyone else championed law. When asked why he did, he responded by saying that someone must maintain the balance. And you can't champion balance, both sides must be represented for balance to exist.

Now I know that this really doesn't apply here..but Ive convinced more people that I'm not completely insane, and that I'm not just selfish, by pointing out and blasting parents.
I don't try to be obnoxious, but it's really easy now a days. And as far as I am concerned, preaching CF around a parent (as the poster originally did) is stupid. We allready lost that battle, lets move on to the war.

When I meet a single person, or a married couple that are on the fence..I drag out my soapbox. But when I meet someone who is happy with their kids and their lives, I stay quiet. When I meet someone who is unhappy that they have children..i offer any help I can, and I use them as an example to others that are considering jumping into the deep end.

I agree there is a time and place for everything, but for ever one person like me there over a 1000 who don't agree. If I don't scream from the rooftops..I never get heard.

Skeeter

I dont understand why if they had one and didnt like it they thought having more would be better? I know that if you have one that child dont have anyone to play with and the parents get to be the entertainers and if you have two they can play with eachother but then you become the ref. so i dont think that would be all that its made out to be.... but if after you have two kids and you still dont like mother hood then why the hell do you have more? twos company threes a crowd!!! THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE!!!

I dont think the CF person ment to hurt anyones feeling I read it like "Well I was feeling bad about not having children and I was having a bad day but thank you all for makeing be feel good about my choice!"

This is true. My Dad came from a poor family - his Dad was a butcher and his Mom worked in retail. He was drawn to electricity, and worked full-time at a grocery store and went to school at night. People can make things happen for themselves, even if they don't have the financial backing. The opposite can often be true, too. Kids that grow up with money and comfort often will just party their way through college, and live at home indefinitely. But money gives kids options for sure.



I can get a little carried away on here, too, which is why I'm glad this is anonymous. I could never have said some of the things I have said on here and be held accountable in the real world. God forbid I ever want to work in a school system some day and my comments on this board surface. Stranger things have happened!

For me, it would be saving my life, not the life of the planet! I would literally be completely horrified if my life was consumed with parenting. My life would be over.
Save the life of the childfree!