BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids A phone call & affirmation of CF life

Last weekend, I replied to a post about keeping friends once they have babies - I was just mentioning how I was upset that one of our close friends who happens to live far away recently had a baby and I didn't know anything about it till seeing a couple of pictures of her baby on her MySpace page. This friend was the one that never wanted to have a baby, and when she found out she was pregnant, she was already too far along for an abortion. She's married and went on with the pregnancy. Last time I heard from her was last summer, and her baby was born in the fall. We had called and left voicemails for a couple of times and I had messaged her on MySpace asking how it was going, with no response.

Yesterday afternoon, out of the blue, she called, and we talked for a LONG time. She is not happy - her baby is cute and all, but she is also has colic (spelling?) and is lactose intolerant/has acid reflux. They have to get special formula for her, and she never sleeps for more than 2 hours at a time. My friend doesn't like motherhood at all, and suffered from post-partum depression after the baby was born. She kept saying to me - "Don't have kids. It will ruin your life." I tried to be encouraging and kept telling her that it would get better after, but I don't know anything about it, or whether it actually will. She said that her DH is a good dad, but she's worried about being a good mom with these feelings she has. I can totally relate to not wanting to be a parent, but I really hope that she pulls out of the bad place she's in right now and actually is able to be happy and love and raise her child. I feel so bad for her, but I thought that I did my best just letting her vent and voice her frustrations.

If ever there was affirmation of my choice to be CF, that phone call was it. The thing that got me was that my friend echoed what so many of us have said here - how no one ever tells you about the bad side of having a baby/becoming a parent - they just all say "Congratulations" and are excited for you and talk about how being a parent is so "wonderful". She said that she thinks everyone needs to know how bad it can be, just so they really think about it. I think I'm even more sure that I don't want kids now, and I was pretty close to 100% sure before that anyway!

that is so sad about your friend.i hope she thinks about getting some type of counseling. i think more people need to hear stories like that though. i hate when people say"oh once a baby comes along you'll just love it." kinda thing. your friend's story goes to show that that doesn't always happen and i wish people including some pychologists i 've seen on tv wouldn't say stuff like that.

indigo

I know - I'm hoping she can get past the feelings she's having or maybe seek some counseling too. More people need to hear things like this, for sure.

We see that a lot of that discussed in here -- moms who don't want to be moms -- but I'm sure when it happens to someone you actually know, it hits home more. Good luck to your friend.

wow LSU Tiger. That is so sad.

I had a friend who was like that. A long time ago told me she felt like jumping off a cliff many times during her son's babyhood. She divorced the father early on, so it was especially bad. The really weird thing though? A few years ago she had another one!! That is what is so confusing to me. (She does have a new husband now, so maybe she wanted one with their combined genes or something...I'm not very close to her anymore, so haven't asked).

Wow, thanks for sharing that LSU Tiger. It makes me feel so relieved for me and my DH. But so sick for your friend and her child.

Something you said reminded me of a thought I had the other day. I was thinking about delinquent youths (a few have been in the news here recently for randomly bashing people - charming, isn't it) and how for sure when their parents had been pregnant with them 18 years ago, people would have said 'congratulations", "oh how wonderful" etc. It's like every pregnancy is considered a joy, but people don't think about whether the parents-to-be should be having babies, nor project ahead to all the children who turn out to be utter disasters in society. It's just a blind 'congratulations!" every time.

FeebeeGeebee, that's one of the reasons why a certain phrase of Dr. Phil drives me crazy...He loves using it when chiding men for looking at porn "That is some father's daughter!" By that logic, the woman he's banging is some father's daughter too, what a turn-off! Homicidal killers? Those were some parent's kid at one point, it DOESN'T MATTER because we all quite obviously didn't show up out of thin air. :P Now if that parent was good bad or indifferent are some things to ponder, but not the very fact that they HAD a parent. :P