BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids a heartbreaking true mom confession

i know! i would have so much regret if i went against everything telling me NOT to have kids, and had one and was miserable. how would i feel if i gave up an amazing marriage, great career and wonderful free time to explore whatever i feel like exploring, and had a child and then saw one or all of those parts of my life be damaged? i would hate myself for having a child and losing my husband, or fighting with him all the time. or, how would i feel if i had a child with special needs that caused a lifetime of agony for everyone involved? would i think, "well at least i got to experience parenting?" or would i think, "i never should have done this. i ruined a great life." it makes me sad just thinking about the level of regret some of these mom's share on that board. and it's so sad that the confessions that typically have the most "me too" clicks are the ones like the one in my original post--those that reveal regret about motherhood

We were at our best friends' house last night. Every two minutes they said, "oh, isn't the dog being cute?" It was nauseating. We say stuff like that, too, about our dogs, but not as often as they were. Jokingly I said, "if this is how you are with the dog, I'd hate to see you with kids!"

The girl turned to me and said, "do NOT let my mom hear you say that. She wants a lot of grandkids from us."

I replied, "well, you know it's not her decision" and let it drop.

I know they want kids, but they don't really seem like the kind of people who REALLY want kids. They like to keep up with the latest technology and spend a lot of money. They go to Hawaii every few years. The girl is a teacher, and she always says that even though she loves her kids, she's so glad to come home to a quiet house at the end of the day. So, even though they say that they want kids, it doesn't seem like they REALLY want them. Maybe they just don't talk about it with us because we don't want kids.

The point is, they seem like the kind of people who would have kids just because that's what you do. I hope if they have kids, they do it because it's what THEY want, not what her mother wants.

it amazes me that anyone would even consider becoming a parent for anyone else, or for any other reason than because they really want to raise a child.

as a daughter of a mother and grandmother who always knew they wanted to be mothers and truly loved it so much (and were really good at it), i know they both want me to be a mom. it brought them so much joy and they want me to experience that because they love me so much. my mother, however, understands that that choice is not for everyone (my grandmother is not able to really understand that, but i think it's a generational thing). while my mom would LOVE to be a grandma, she would never ask me to do it for her, or even want that. she wants me to happy with my life choices (i am so grateful for her!).

while i would NEVER EVER EVER do something so radical for my mom or grandmother, it makes me sad that my mom may not ever get to be a grandma. she's done so much for me and been so amazing that i want her to have everything she wants--not enough to sacrifice my freedom and happiness--but enough to wish there was a way for her to have that desire fulfilled. i have one younger sister who has never been in a serious relationship and kids are so not on her radar and may never be. it's too bad there wasn't one sure thing sibling in my family!

Wow, this site is news to me. I think it could be very helpful for fence-sitters or anyone who fears that they might feel this way to see these comments. All we ever seem to hear is that "It's different when they're your own" and "You'll feel different once you have them." Obviously, that's not always true. Off to read some more for myself...

and don't discount www.truedadconfessions.com it's just as bad

for instance:

"I am broken. I am not sure I have the capability to love her anymore. I am not sure I even like her at this point. I would leave, but it would destroy my children. Please give me strength to continue pretending until my kids are grown. "

Me Too: 32

hi woodsygirl! welcome i have been calling myself a fencesitter for a while (a few years), but since reading this & other CF boards a couple of weeks ago, i'm getting clearer about my desire to be CF. i've gotten so much support and understanding, sometimes just by reading a post that feels like a kindred spirit.


skeeter: yeah i didn't dig into truedadconfessions yet, but i'm not surprised that there would be really sad posts on there as well.

it's kinda weird though im on about the 15th page, and there actually seems to be quite a few that are happy, and an amazing ammount that are posting things like "sex is a chore for my wife, I should get into better shape" or "I heard about this new vibrator..blah blah blah (I don't remember all of it)...and I think every man should get it for their wife"

to mee it looks like there are some lurkers from the mom side floating over.

hmmm . . .

Hi, fbrittt. I was a long-time fence-sitter too, and now I'm an occasional doubter. But seriously, truemomconfessions will be my first stop next time I'm wondering if I'm missing something!

If only parents could be that honest in person, they might have more support. Seems they all put on happy faces because it's "wrong" to feel unhappy as a parent.