BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids a heartbreaking true mom confession

from true mom confessions: "you want real? okay, i feel like [censored], i have no energy, i flippin hate the wiggles, and i feel like i am serving a life sentence with possible parole in 18 years for the crime of not thinking things through. I dream of the day my youngest moves out, and he is only 18 months."

this had 58 clicks on the "me too" link . . . yikes

this made my body ache it was so sad. this woman's regret of her decision was palpable. what stood out to me was that her crime, as she defined it, was "not thinking things through." it made me feel so good about the almost compulsive thinking and talking and reading i've been doing on this topic for the past 2 or 3 years. it amazes me how quickly people make this decision without really thinking through what it will be like. of course there will always be millions of unknowns, but there are unknowns in any decision. it just baffles me that people will enter into such a life-changing and important role without giving the decision it's due.

WOW that is SAD!!!! I am soooo glad that i have a brain and I learned to use it instead of following the crowd!!! no matter the bullinging or the social stigma!

Wow, that's really sad...

One thought is getting stronger and stronger in my mind: You can never regret is soooo much that you have never had children, then regreting it that you have one for the wrong reasons...

That is a wise way to think about it Juliana. People tell us we will regret it, but since we don't know what we're missing entirely, we can't regret it is much as them, since they know what it's like both ways.

i totally agree. i think about how horrible it would be for me AND my child if i had one and regretted it!! what a miserable existence. imagine trying to reconcile that and all the while worrying that your child is sensing your regret. awful. i'm sure many of the kids i work with feel unwanted and that is a terrible way to grow up.

It's definitely better to think things through before jumping right in....however, the problem is that most people forget that and just go blazing on forward, whether things are a good idea or not, and it seems like in the case of having children, there are so many ways a parent who doesn't really want to be a parent can screw up a kid's life....to be responsible for someone else's sadness just because you didn't think it through would be completely depressing. So many people seem to think that the parenting switch will automatically flip on at some point, and then they're disappointed when it doesn't, and they realize their mistake after it's too late. What a shame for those people and their offspring.

It's a whopper of a morning over at TMC:

01.19.08 10:15p
I gave up sleep, hobbies, me-time, going out, travel, adventure, my career progress, spare time, spare income, peace and quiet, time to read relax and think, my waistline, my sex life, my sanity, a reasonably maneageable housekeeping routine,and pretty much everything I liked about my life and my self for THIS????!!

14 me toos


01.20.08 4:10a
i love them, but my kids ruined my health and body and i have no energy or time to enjoy them. I am jealous of my sister, and my childless best friend,because I want to be the cool auntie instead of the mom. Then I could still love them and have a bond and enjoy them, but I could still have a life. And then I could drop them off when they got cranky or needed fed/bath/homework/put to bed....and I could be the one going to the zoo and fun places with them instead of home too tired and unable to afford to take them places because I have to clean and make sure we all have what we need at home. AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

me too (10)

Regardless of whether I'm focusing on these negative comments to make myself feel better about not having kids, this is why. This is what I suspected it would be like. It is a very rare moment to meet someone who actually admits feelings like this in person, so hearing the truth makes me feel vindicated, like my suspicions are correct.

I've got a good friend who is a pretty ideal mommy. She is educated and family-driven. She is keeping her job as a librarian while raising her little son. When I first visited her, after holding her little boy for a while, she looked at me (her husband was sitting with us) and said, very seriously, "sometimes I'm not sure this was the best idea."

I know that she doesn't regret the existence of her son, she regrets everything that she's sacrificed for him.

I'm not sure how to explain this, but the statement showed me why I don't want to be a mom, without thinking that she was a bad one. Many of the confessions (although some are awful) are the same way.

I agree. I don't think people who make those kinds of confessions are bad moms either. I think it's pretty normal to feel that way, and I think most mothers do at some time or another (though some much more than others).

The mere fact that it's normal makes me realize how much I don't want to be a mom!