BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I have to say "Thank you"!

Hello all!

I have to say "Thank you" to you all!
This forum and your advices helped me to find out that there is a choice and that there is nothing wrong with me!

I was the fencesitter in our relationship because I was afraid to do something that is not following the crowd (sounds crazy...I know ).
I was afraid that other people would think that I'm selfish and a "bad person".
But that isn't true, there are many paths that lead to a happy life - and everybody has to find out which one is his path to happiness!!!

Being here and reading about your thoughts and experiences gave me more self-esteem to stand by my decision!

Thanks,
Juliana

that's really great! i have also found a lot of support on this site.i don't somedays where i would be without it. it's not crazy to not be afraid to follow the crowd. i've been CF for a while now but i admit that when i hear that someone even someone i don't know like a celeb is having kids i cringe and feel like "oh no not another one."

i visited austria with my hubby in '96. he's from germany so when i went to visit him there for the first time(i met him here when we were both in college) he took me all over germany and to salzburg. it was really beautiful.

indigo

Juliana, since practically everyone is raised thinking that having kids is just something that you should do, I wouldn't be too embarrassed about needing to think about being CF first.

Since you've been registered for a while, guess I won't say welcome to the forum.

hi there! as you can see from my post a couple above yours ("a newbie says hello & thank you"), i too am so grateful for what i've found here. so far i've mostly been lurking, but posted for the first time yesterday. if you're interested in hearing a little about my thought process, check out the post

the assumption that we will be parents is probably the most powerful cultural norm we have, so NO WONDER you felt the way you did. at times it felt almost impossible to separate how i really felt about the issue, from how i thought i was supposed to feel, and from the expectations of those around me. i know i'm gonna continue to need the moral support as i move further off the fence ;-) so let's keep checking in here!

@indigo: That's pretty cool, I like germany and, of course salzburg, too!!!
Where's your husband from?? Bayern?
Celebs: I think there's some kind of babyboom in Hollywood... everybody is pregnant...
But I liked the commend of C. Theron!!! She does not want kids, because she thinks that pregnant women look like whales!!! ;-)

@fbrittt: We have pretty much in common! I like children too and I work with children too... :-)
As a teacher, the expectations are very high I think!
Many people say that it's necessary for a teacher to have kids ... :-(

my hubby is from Bayern. he's from a small town called Hosbach which is 45 minutes outside of Frankfurt. he moved to the states over 10 yrs. ago to be with me.

i didn't know that about C. that's really cool.i was so surprised about Matt Mc going to be a dad. i always thought by his lifestyle that he didn't want kids.

i also work with kids. i actually really like them well except when they whine(i really can't stand it)and throw fits. i work at the gym in the daycare and in the afternoons i tutor lower income children.i really enjoy it. however, it is far different than if i had kids of my own.i really enjoy my alone time and spending time with my hubby and friends. i actually feel sorry for parents. i like most of the parents i deal with and most of them just seem so unhappy and stressed out all the time. not all of them but a lot. i like being able to give them at least one hr. of peace to at least work out b/c a lot of them tell me that that's the only alone time they get. how sad huh?

many people i know teach and don't have children.i think it makes sense. i can't imagine dealing with kids all day and then having to come home to them. plus many teachers have a lot of work outside the classroom so i couldn't imagine having to spend all that time doing school stuff and then taking care of a kid.

indigo

Indigo:
"my hubby is from Bayern. he's from a small town called Hosbach which is 45 minutes outside of Frankfurt. he moved to the states over 10 yrs. ago to be with me."

That sounds really romantic to me... :-)

"i really enjoy my alone time and spending time with my hubby and friends."

I love my freetime too, we wouldn't be able to be so spontanous if we had kids...

"many people i know teach and don't have children.i think it makes sense. i can't imagine dealing with kids all day and then having to come home to them. plus many teachers have a lot of work outside the classroom so i couldn't imagine having to spend all that time doing school stuff and then taking care of a kid."

I agree with you 100%!!! I love the silence and the peace when I come home from school. And, of course, there is a lot to do outside the classroom that I would do when the kids are sleeping...but when would there be time for me and my husband???

I've always felt that way too! Especially since I assumed I would eventually be one of them, I empathize with them. So, it's nice to realize it doesn't have to be me.

it's so great to "meet" people who love and work with kids, but don't want their own! not only do people assume you want them (otherwise, why would you work with them), but you also get tons of "but, you'd be SUUUUCH a great mother!" i know most people mean it as a compliment, but when they say that, i think, "yeah but i AM a great school counselor. that's what i do NOW. can't anyone focus on what i AM doing with my life and that i'm really proud of it, and that it really fulfills me, rather than focusing on the idea that if i chose to change my life path and become a mother that i'd be great at that?!?" they say it with this tone that suggests that i owe it to my unborn child. the idea seems to be that since so many people have kids who aren't good at it, that since i have the skills for it, i SHOULD do it--that i'm obviously meant to.

i too LOVE coming home to a quiet house where i can do whatever i want (finally!) after a day of meeting everyone else's needs. i can't imagine losing that. i think i would go insane, or develop some major health problems if i have to give to everyone else all day at work, and at home. i barely have time to take care of my needs now.

"but, you'd be SUUUUCH a great mother!"

That's one of the arguments I "really like" ;-)

There are several things I am good at, but why is it so necessary to do all these things, altough I don't want to???

"i too LOVE coming home to a quiet house where i can do whatever i want (finally!) after a day of meeting everyone else's needs. i can't imagine losing that. i think i would go insane, or develop some major health problems if i have to give to everyone else all day at work, and at home. i barely have time to take care of my needs now."

That would be a problem for me too... I love my life the way it IS now...so why should I change it???