BellaOnline Forums Food and Wine Low Carb Learning to Not Care what Others Think

I know many people who avoid doing activities they would normally love, because they worry about others looking at them. One woman has very light burns on her legs from a childhood accident, yet she refuses to ever wear shorts, or go swimming, or anything else that might show them.

I know I'm shy about being seen and tend to wear long, flowy outfits. I wish I didn't worry about what others thought. There must be a technique to learn that

What do you do in those situations? Or do you put on a floor length outfit and hide in it?

Well, I walk w/ a cane due to the fibro/car accident plus I am older and fat. (lol) Sometimes I'd just rather stay home. It is a toss up as people do give you more respect when you walk with a cane but i also feel slow as a turtle. I often see women who are heavy wearing tank tops and things sleeveless which I would never ever do. Maybe there is some technique to forget how you perceive yourself and there for not care what others think. I haven't found it yet, though.
Ally

Maybe we can brainstorm about this! I agree there's a range of options here - I would never want to go out naked because I was so unaware of what people thought, but on the other hand I don't want to hide in the house So a nice happy medium would be good.

I think one key is to try to be realistic about how much other people even pay attention to you. If I go out and feel I look silly, and then worry that everyone around me is looking at me and thinking I look silly, really, how many people even notice me? Most probably don't even see that I'm there. So I have to stop assuming that the entire world is swiveling their eyeballs at me and obsessing about me

I have no self esteem, and it prevents me from living a world out side my home. I won't aloud any one to take my picture, i just don't like me on the outside, I know a lot of it stems from the early years but the insults stay with ya for ever.

That's really a shame! Definitely things done to you as a youngster can stay with you your entire life. It can take a long time to remake your life - but it of course can be done!

I am definitely not a clothes horse - but I have studied this over the years and a lot of the time people react to what you're wearing, and not you yourself. That is, I can see a "not pretty" woman in a really awful outfit and people will react to it - but if I see a "not pretty" woman in a really pretty outfit, people will comment on how lovely the outfit is, and it makes her look lovely too as a side effect. And then she reacts to those complements and feels lovely, which then makes her smile, which really *does* have her looking pretty. It's a snowball effect.

So for example I have some dresses from HolyClothing.com -

BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I'm actually afraid to look go, I don't want to draw attention, if i buy new cloths some one will say wow you look nice, or cut my hair, i don't do well with complements

woops i meant to say look good lol

That's very interesting! OK that sounds like something we can *definitely* work on - and something that is important for your long term health and happiness.

I was brought up that modesty is key, that I should never accept a compliment. I was taught to always demur, to say "I didn't do that well really" or so on. I actually found that caused me a lot of trouble over the years. People thought I didn't appreciate their words, or that I was just trying to get them to say more nice things.

So let's practice! If someone praises you for doing something good, they are honestly expressing their positive feelings. In a way, a positive response from you is saying "I appreciate that you have the moral upbringing to express positive sentiments". By not doing that, you are confusing them

It's like if you bought a gift for someone, and they gave you a thank you card. And you said "I don't want that thank you card, go throw it in the trash". They get confused by the reaction. They don't realize you are shy or whatever.

So at least for me it's helpful to think of this as "being nice to them" rather than "agreeing that I'm great". It makes it easier to do. If someone says "that dress is lovely!" normally I would get all embarrassed because it's a compliment coming at me. But if I look at it as "they are expressing their feelings and I should praise them for that activity" then it's much easier. I thank them for expressing their admiration. After all, you didn't make the dress! They are praising a third party. You can share their appreciation for that third party.

So they say:

"What a lovely dress that is!"

You say:

"Holy Clothing does an awesome job with dresses! You should visit their site!"

Now instead of being embarrassed about the compliment, you feel good that you are helping to support HolyClothing, whose clothes you love.

You can do the same thing with a haircut.

Them:

"What a lovely haircut!"

You:

"Jill over at SuperCuts is just so friendly! She does a great job. Be sure to check her out!"

Again, you're giving credit where credit is due, you are acknowledging the comment by the person and you are supporting people who deserve to be supported!

So here's your challenge Find a lovely outfit, jewelry piece, haircut, etc. and keep in mind where it came from. Be *prepared* and looking for the compliment, so you can promote that maker. When someone says something, you'll have your opportunity to help promote their beautiful job!

Let us know when you've been able to do that promotion!

Thanks Lisa

I bet this is a concern that many people have, especially overweight ones. They come to expect criticism and then don't want to hear even kind comments. We should all be proud of who we are, and it's a hard thing to overcome, but it can be done