BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids A question?

I notice most of the threads here seem to be less about the happiness within your lives, and more about the misery in parent's lives.

I sense that focusing on these negative "confessions" or on negative examples of parents serves mostly to reassure yourselves that your opinion is "right" or "justified".

I guess what I am wondering is- if you are in fact at peace with your decision, why the neccesity to be almosthisclose to bashing parents - something I see is against the terms of service for this forum.

It takes away from the credibility of the "I am happy with my stance and decision" image you all wish to convey...

Share with me what you do in your life that makes up for the joy of parenthood, and I will respect that completely. Cite how Joe Brown and Sue Smith are at their wits ends with their kids, and I will only perceive that as a kind of hollow vindication for a decison perhaps based less on how great your life REALLY is- but how afraid you are for how your life MIGHT be if you became parents.

I do have issues with righteous morons who try to shove their POV down my throat, insinuate that they know more about me than I do, and tell me that my choices are wrong, immature and selfish. If you take the time to read this blog in depth, you'll understand that this is the main focus of the comments and dialogue on here.
I have read here on BellaOnline for quite some time. As I said, I read the whole site. I am only new to contributing.

As for how afraid we are of what our lives might look like if we became parents - why would I put myself through a body wrecking pregnancy to get something I don't want, that would make me, my spouse, and an innocent kid miserable? Seriously? Why pander to me in one sentence congratulating me on my foresight for not breeding, and then in the next breath insult me by calling me "afraid"?
I am not certain how you see it that way. I do congratulate you or anyone who makes any serious decision with a lot of foresight. I am not pandering to you however. I have nothing I " want " from you that I would " pander " to you. I am merely acknowledging that it is good to know what you do and don't want and to act on your authentic feelings and not anyone else's expecations.
Secondly, if you feel I was calling you afraid, you are claiming the definiton I gave as one of you. In other words, I cited that when I read excerpts or links to articles/blogs etc. or read personal stories about a friend who is " honest enough to admit parenting sucks" ( in those veins ) it does sound like soothing self talk. Confidence is being happy with who you are and your decision without having to drag out examples of overwhelmed people from articles that show one but not all views of parenthood. So if you have expressed your point in the past in that method, you need to understand you actually sell yourself short.
And yes, sometimes we are self congratulatory - as I think we should be for having the intelligence, maturity, and self knowledge to make good decisions. As opposed to the herd mentality that just runs off and does it because it's the done thing, and then bitches to the world about how haaaaaaard it is...
People complain about a lot of things, such as going to work every day as well. It is ok to be self congratulatory, but again I see it is less you standing on your own two feet with your decision as it is standing on top of someone you feel superior too. And yet again I must say that nothing smacks of insecurity more than insults. This is perhaps what I am most trying to ask- if you as a collective group are content with your decision - why so much insulting? Why so much comparison? Why so touchy if you are at peace with your choice? This is what you have not yet answered.

So what do I do with my life that makes it so wonderful? I sleep in. I snowboard all over the world. I jet off for a weekend away at the drop of a hat. I train for triathlons. I bust my hump at the gym at 6am. I dream about treks in Nepal and trips to Antarctica, and then I make them happen. I work towards spending 6 months of the year after I turn 50 volunteering on a third world project. I support my friends, I care for animals, and I love my family. It's tough, but someone has to do it :-)
I am glad you have a good life!I am not here to push parenthood and in fact, with almost any of you, nothing would alarm me more than to learn of impending pregnancy lol.I never want to see kids with anyone who does not want them, and sadly too many uninformed people are parents with dire consequences for the children. So the LAST thing I would ever attempt to do is talk someone into parenthood. That is not my point here at all. I simply questioned why so much space seems given over to smug comparisons when surely there is enough intelligence evidenced here to know that any support or spin of a topic is available, and it is ultimately how one lives their own lives that best illustrates contentment - not how much better it is in relation to someone elses.

You have a point...although as per usual it comes from the skewed perspective of a parent. "the highest highs, the lowest lows", "what you do in your life that makes up for the joy of parenthood"...this is bingoing. Granted it's delivered rather eloquently, it's still the same pathetic [censored] we always hear.
You actually validated my very point with that paragraph! Thanks!

You assume that for some reason I would consider anything in my life to be as "joyous" as parenthood. You want my honest answer..I woke up with a hangover..I consider that more joyous than parenthood. I find little to no joy in parenthood. And what little joy can be found, can be replaced in many other ways, if I really feel the need to spend some time with children, I go and volunteer, there are plenty of kids with parents that still need help anyways.
You are putting words into my mouth. I make no assumption on what you as an individual would find joyous. I am however in a postion to judge being childless and having a child. I can make a comparison because of this that you - in a discussion of logic- would have to defer to. If there are two peppers and I eat a bite of both, and you eat only one - only I can state which one is hotter. Is it my subjective opinion about the heat? Sure! Is it still more accurate than your presumption? Likely so.

I did rather like your comparison of our forum to a dog site. Except you forgot one very important part. If we were a group of people that didn't want dogs, odds are, crazy pro-dog people (much like yourself) would not show up harassing us about it. I wouldn't catch flack from my co-workers over my personal decision not to have a dog. My family and friends (now former) would never lecture me over my selfishness in choosing not to have a dog.
I am not anti-dog. I simply have weighed what would be required of me at thsi point to have one, and have decided against it. This begs the question - are you " anti -child"? And this as well supports the premise behind my initial question. Why the emphasis on ANTI? Why not PRO your life, instead of ANTI others? I am also not here to harass or convert. As I responded to another poster, it is a very very good thing that people who do not want children do not have them. What I wonder about is the way that view is supported at the expense of parents, instead of on its own merit.

We have excellent threads in this forum talking about our lives, and the parts of it that we enjoy, being child free. And yes we also have threads that are pointing out the many problems with todays parents. We try and bring them into this forum largely in part because we can't discuss these things in public. The sheer implication that our choice might not be the "right one" in some peoples views, is instantly met with criticism and anger.
I think your choice is absolutely right for you if you have thought it through. I do not criticize your choice. I question the need to drag in " parent's confession of having kids destroying their will to live" type topics, as one certainly must avoid a lot of contradictory material. So why bother with that avenue? Sell me on why a Mercedes is a great car - I may buy it! Spend the whole time I am looking at the Mercedes telling me why Ford sucks and I will feel a little uncertain as to your true support of Mercedes. I really am not sure why this point I am making is so hard to convey. *sigh*

Honestly alot of people come here, and preach our child free ways, because we don't have a choice. The typical person is too childish and too immature to accept our oppinions for what they are, oppinions. They immediately assume that we are simply attacking the fact that they are bad parents. (which is truly the key here, if you arn't a bad parent you shouldn't be offended, if you do get offended obviously you are a bad parent)
This is too childish to even know how to address. Sorry.

So fine. I won't site how "Joe Brown and Sue Smith are at their wits ends with their kids" instead I will site how happy I am, with my choice. Every day I get up and feel stress free and enjoy my life. And if I choose to voice my views here in this forum rather than yelling at every bad parent I see in public (because although I think they are crazy, I respect their decision to breed) then why can't you just leave me in peace.
You think they are crazy...you want to yell... - yet you expect me to think you are stress free and happy? Hard sell. Again, you are exhibiting EXACTLY the attitude I am speaking of. Maybe this is why I cannot get a straight answer as of yet?

And as for breaking forum rules with parent bashing, why don't you truly read our threads, and view all the typical "drive-bys" that we get from enraged parents who are so defensive at our implications that they explode in verbal rage. But of course you won't..because you agree with their views. And that's fine, thats your choice.
Again you put words in my mouth. I do read the threads. I stated that in my opening sentence. You are indicating I am a drive by posting exploding in verbal rage, and yet my post and subsequent replies are politely worded, inquisitive, and ask open ended questions. I truly was curious! But the irony is that my question, paraphrased as " why show such hostility towards parents instead of celebrating yourself" is met with - not surprisingly - hostility. I am asking the tail how it wags the dog I guess.

So let's work out a deal...I don't judge you in the parents forums...which last I checked...I don't. And you don't judge me in the No kids forums.
I only judged the particular participants of this forum who use the " they suck so therefore I am cool " attitude. When pushed as to why they are cool I guess the answer would be " because I am not them!" ( 'Them' being "parents" in this analogy.) If this is something you feel I judged you on, then this means this is in fact your communication style, so you would in fact be a great person to answer my question...But again, I am not yet seeing an answer - just more comparison and bitterness. Prove me right already. *lol*

There are plenty of parents in this forum who are able to communicate without coming off as a "biased parent" who is against our views. Take some notes.
I am not biased and for the millionth time, I beg you to never have children because you recognize, and accurately as well ( and astutely ) you would make a horrible parent. I am not against your views. I am against the attack mode mentality. I think it detracts from a candidate when their ads speak not of their accomplishments but of the failings of a rival. Same thing here.A pitch about how much parents are stupid or kids suck tells me only one thing about the poster. They are hostile and insecure. That is all an insult ever reveals, no matter who they quote.

Skeeter

You know, I spend a lot of time having to keep my mouth shut. There are some things about the world that I see. I notice how there is less and less farm and land and more and more developments. I notice how huge the crowds have become at places that offer a necessary service. I notice how many people are competing for jobs that pay a decent wage with good benefits. I notice how angry people are getting at immigrants. I can see how these things are getting worse and how they will continue to get worse.

I also see the answer. If there were less people, there would be less crowding, pollution and over-consumption.

For a while, I tried to point this out to other people. I found out how radically different my opinion is from practically everyone else. My opinion is unwelcome, because it would mean that people can't have as many babies as they want. It would mean that people would have to actually think about how scary the future and the reality of today actually is.

So most people tell me that I'm just a really negative person. That I'm wrong. That I should have more faith in God. Or, that I'm just plain weird.

I don't know that I can really blame these people. There's a lot about the world we can't change. It's nice to have a family and hope for the best. Many parents hope that by making mature and responsible choices that their children will be the kind of stable people who can change the future and make things better.

Nonetheless, through my eyes any person who has more than 2 children is actively destroying humanity and the planet that it lives on.

This is one of the only places that I can express my opinions have have someone actually listen and at least partially understand. This is one of the only places where I find some sanity. I don't feel so alone and helpless here.

Yes, the site can be negative. Reality can be pretty negative, too, when you actually stop to think about it.