BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce Should I leave him???

Hi everyone-

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two children a 10 yr old girl and a 8 year old boy. My husband has drank ever since I have known him. He has always promised me he will quit and even has for short periods of time. He is not abusive but he is paying for less and less. We are in the middle of a forclosure because he hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months. We have to look for a new place to live SOON!!

I can afford an apartment with my kids without his help it will be tight but it is a possibility. I know it sounds crazy but I still love him. I talked to my priest and he thinks I should do an intervention with my husband (get him into rehab) and not leave him but I know that won't go over very well.

I am tired of fighting with him and now that we have to look for a new place should I find one without him or try to make it work????? What do you think??

Hi colland.

I am very sorry you're going through this. I really cannot tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do. If you still love him, and he is not abusive I agree with your priest, do an intervention, get him into rehab. Also get yourself to some ala-non meetings, and your children also. Ask your priest for information regarding meetings in your area.

You cannot change him though, he is the only one who can do that. But you can change how you react to his behavior. I would definitely find a place to live where you can live without any help from him financially. You're going to need to be able to make it on your own while he is in rehab.

Stop trying to fight with him about what he is doing. He knows he's wrong, you know he's wrong, let it go. Get professional help to deal with that part... but take care of you and your children in the process. There is no reason why he cannot come back to you after he's gotten the help he needs.

I really, sincerely, wish you the best. I hope you post again so that I know how you are doing.

Hi Colland,
I have been attending alanon meetings for almost 11 years. If you do a search for alanon..the website comes up.
One of my favorite alanon sayings is nothing changes if nothing chances...I had to change me...and alanon helped me...change me.

Sun, that saying is so right, Only i can make the changes.

Thank you sundancer and skyhaven for your comments. I love that saying about nothing changes if nothing changes. I love it. For quite some time I've been teaching my daughters, and trying to live by that idea myself. I can only change me, no one else.