BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Making decision permanent

My husband and I have been married for 5 years, been together for 15. We are 38 (me) and 39 (him). We've discussed having a kid from time to time, but never got motivated to do anything about it. Last March we opened our home to a Labradoodle puppy and are totally in love.

Today my husband made an appointment to have a vasectomy next week. Logically I feel this is the right decision for us and for all the right reasons. Although I am relieved that the pressure will be off, at the same time I can't help but feel a sad that we won't ever go down that road. I've been on the fence my whole life, but I think I always assumed that something would push me over to the other side.

The thought crossed my mind to store his sperm, but I'm really not in favor of IVF even if we ever did change our minds. I guess if we got that serious we could consider other options like adoption, which I am more socially in favor of anyhow.

Just looking for some moral support. Thanks.

Just had my vasectomy done a few months ago, had the same concerns, but after a little reasearch im not worried. The expense of storing sperm for years down the road really adds up. On top of the fact that they can always reverse it (bleh). They also have a new procedure where they go in behind where they cut, and withdraw sperm for IVF. He wouldn't get reversed and you would still have the sperm available.

And I agree, with you, if it came down to it, I think adoption is the best tactic by far, we have plenty of piglets that need help out there allready.

Skeeter

doddlemom, if you read along with this board, you'll always have a reason to enjoy your decision!

It's interesting, my mom said that when she started to wish again to hold onto little babies, that she volunteered to work in the nursery at her church. Then she had the opportunity to hold all the little kids she wanted.

In an unrelated topic, I recently told my husband that I wanted to see what a labradoodle looks like. Our friends have two grown purebred labs, so my husband said, "go over to our friends' house and look in the backyard, I'm sure you'll find all kinds of labradoodles!"

Hee hee.

I have seen pictures of labradoodles and I think they are pretty cute. When my husband and I finally buy a house, a dog will be coming along shortly after. You know what they say, "new house, new baby", but in our case the baby will be a dog! :-)

Hate to say it, but at your age it isn't really safe to have kids anymore anyway. Any pregnancy in a mother over the age of 35 is considered to be high risk. I believe that is for you and the baby. So, it's probably wise you aren't considering that route anyway. (And, I'm not saying you are crazy old or anything.)

If you do change your mind, there is always adoption. Both for pets and humans!! Enjoy the pressure-free life!

Thanks. Age is definitely a consideration. Health concerns aside, neither one of us really wants to plan on paying for college while trying to figure out retirement. I'm also guessing that we will bear some responsibility for my MIL when she needs it in her old age and college for my nephew. His mom's a single mom and is always struggling.

I'm very involved with my nephew, my friends kids and I teach karate to kids (although I'm taking a break right now). In the next year or so I'm hoping to get involved with a therapy dog group that helps kids with literacy. So I certainly can get a kid fix whenever I want... but it's not the same. That may be ok though.

When people ask if we have kids (before the dog) I would answer "we borrow other people's kids and give them back when they are tired, cranky, whiney, dirty etc."

We have tons of practical reasons, I'm just surprised at my own sense of loss.

Doodle pics:BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

What a cutie! There's a goldendoodle that frequents the dog park I go to. His name is Sketch, and he's a riot. He's not quite a year old. His favorite thing is to wallow in mud, which of course looks lovely in his light colored fluffy coat!

I have two Australian Cattle Dogs and a grumpy old Sheltie, they are my kids. They're glad I'm not having kids they'd have to share me with, they want all the attention! LOL! I need to put together a Dogster page for them.

Oh, and I feed Canidae too! Isn't it great?

Cindy
Cookie, Cody and Bentley (there's a husband in there somewhere too...)

[quote=doodlemom]Doodle pics:BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

Thanks for sharing the pix. I was really curious to see what a labradoodle would look like. What a cute puppy!

I understand the feelings you described. My husband had a vasectomy a few months ago, and there is a certain sadness with knowing the decision is final. But I think and hope it will pass. I still have moments when I think what if, but I quickly remind myself of what is involving in daily parenting and then I feel much better. I also get a little sad when I think that because of my age (36) that ship has sailed for me. Not that I want kids, I guess just the realization of the passing of time makes me a little sad. But that always passes, too.

I think you are making a really responsible decision given your ages. Again, you are in your prime, just maybe not in your prime for having babies. It's so refreshing to see people making thoughtful, responsible decisions around parenting. It sounds like you, like most people on this board, gave it a lot of thought before you arrived at your decision. You should feel good about that. We should encourage other people to do the same.

Doodlemom, I'm in a similar position as you...fencesitter, 38, dog lover. I hate being part of this demographic, but guess I am....women who concentrate on career, relationships, and hobbies, and keep putting off the kid decision until my late 30's, and now feeling like it's too late. And, still don't have a huge urge to do it anyway. The bio clock has been a myth for me, BUT, the pressure I feel from society, family, and I guess other places, isn't a myth.

On top of that, what you said about storing sperm...that's us too! My husband had cancer when we were first married, and the doc advised us to store his sperm in case we'd ever want babies. He's 13 years older than me, and also has been on the fence about it, though leaning away from having kids all this time. And I thank my lucky stars that he doesn't have any kids from past relationships, because there were many close calls.

So, a couple years ago the pressure started getting to me, and even though my feelings are extremely mixed, I convinced him it was now or never to take the sperm out and use it. I got a bad feeling though when I called the sperm bank and ours was one of the older sperms they had! Uh oh...maybe we waited too long. A year of testing, procedures, depleting our savings, and finally it was time to give it a go. And we freaked out and changed our minds and decided to wait. That was about 6 months ago, and now I'm realizing "waiting" is another word for "not doing."

I feel okay about it, but will be starting another thread shortly about the conversation I just had with my dad, which made me not feel okay again. Anyway, it's very sticky and I'm glad you found us, because the more the merrier around these parts.