BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage I want kids of my own.

My husband and I have primary custody of his 2 daughters. The custody was changed in september and we talked about things before everything went into place. One of the things that i thought i made clear was the fact that i didn't want to get burned out with taking care of his kids and get to the point of not wanting to have kids of my own. Well here it is 4 months later and I am to that point. Don't get me wrong I still want kids but he doesnt really help out with his kids so what makes me think that he is going to help with our own kids. I mentioned it to him about a week ago and he acted like having more kids will take more time. But he didn't say anything like you know i will start helping out more or anything like that. I have realized that step parenting is the most unrewarding job a person could ever take on. No matter how much you do for them they will never look at you as someone that they care for as much as their mom or their dad. I don't know how to explain to my husband that I need his help to make my dreams come true. any advice?

I was never a step parent, but I am sure it is a very difficult thing.

You are not alone in the fact that your husband doesn't help. I know plenty of women who's husbands don't help with the kids, especially if the wife doesn't work outside the home. I think if I were you, I would just stop helping him take care of his kids so much. I know you probably feel obligated, but if he is going to take advantage of you and not chip in, then he is wrong. If the kids are old enough to talk, when they want or need something, have them ask their dad. Tell your husband that you are not there to be the daycare provider, or the maid. I know this sounds mean, but if you don't speak your mind now, you will end up with resentment towards the kids and him. Resentment is a difficult thing to get rid of.

Hope this helps.

Sue is right. Do it now. Your husband is taking advantage of you.

Interesting, though. Now you have to be caregiver to his children until they're grown, how are you going to fit an even more demanding baby into the mix? Where are you going to find time for that? And why would you expect him to act any differently with the baby than with these two - after all, it's just another kid to him, and looking after it is women's work - or at least that seems to be the attitude.

He does need to pull his weight, but I'm pretty sure that 99% of women will tell you that when it comes to child care, men rarely do. Then you have to walk the fine line between asking for what you want and turning into a nag - something that not many wives and mothers are good at.

Are you still falling into the trap of assuming that when you have your own, "it will be different?" I hope not, because that's a fallacy. Give yourself a reality check here. What you have now is pretty much what you'll get more of, and don't kid yourself otherwise.

You're right about step parenting. It is a nasty job and I wouldn't touch it with a 10ft pole. I really hope you can make it work.

Great advice here, and I too wonder why you have assumed the responsibility for his kids? Did you get custody, as in you adopted them or was he awarded custody to be somewhat shared with their biological mother?

Unless you are legally responsible for them, hand them back over to him. Otherwise, you've just taken on an unpaid nanny role.