BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids True Dad Confessions - Let's hear it for the boys!

I do! I literally told my DH on the first or second date. It's what I lead with! There's no way I would want to get attached to someone who couldn't wait to get me pregnant. I can't think of anything less appealing. I wouldn't want to date anyone that was that brainwashed. It must be brainwashing, b/c they say men don't have "instincts" the way women do. They don't cry and go on talk shows if they can't have kids. At least, I'm not aware that they do.

I prefer free thinking people. Some parents are free thinkers, too. But if someone was nuts about having babies, I wouldn't be spending a lot of time with them. I can't relate.

Oh, my goodness Bahrain - you just described my brother's life.
I'm starting to think it happens quite a bit - I've heard of another two cases over the last year.
Of course, men don't always marry their pregnant girlfriends - they can walk away BUT they still have to pay child support.
It seems that some women get into their 30s and panic - rather than wait for a commitment they take a chance - maybe, they'll end up married - maybe not...but they get the child and financial support.
I agree lots of women just assume they can talk their partners into fatherhood or just conceive and claim an accident.
How can you say you love a man, when you don't respect him enough to allow him to commit and make his own decision about fatherhood, in his own time?
When I started dating my husband, I raised the topic of children (in a subtle way) on our second date. I felt if we weren't "on the same page" there was no point getting emotionally involved...
I was very apprehensive about motherhood and so I felt he should know that if parenting was a "given" in his future - he should look elsewhere.
It amazes me that so many people seem to marry without having discussed such an important matter.

This is very interesting, and I think you are onto something. I think women try to force a permanent relationship by getting pregnant, too. But that's so desperate, why would you want someone that isn't sure they want to be with you forever. Then, suddenly, pregnancy, and the deal is sealed.

I posted last week about my cousin's whirlwind wedding, and I think it's the same concept. She pushed to get married right away b/c she thought if they got to know each other better, their relationship would end, or might not end in marriage. I can't imagine being trapped in a job or a relationship. I would feel so suffocated.

Like being married is everything...
Why would anyone want to be married, just for the sake of it?
The wedding day is just that - one day - the marriage is for the rest of your life. (or that should be your expectation going into the marriage)
It amazes me that so many women go on endlessly about the dress, flowers, cars, their hair, nails, the honeymoon and give so little thought to the bloke standing next to her.

In the end it doesn't matter if you have orchids flown in from Singapore or a $20,000 dress - if the marriage is motivated by something other than total commitment and love for each other - it all amounts to nothing - you usually end up unhappily married.
I would rather be single and happy than married and unhappy any day.
AND, what happens after the "Big Day"....years of "putting up" with a bad relationship, being unhappy, disconnected - and a fair proportion will end up divorced. (perhaps with kids)
Hope the BIG DAY was worth it.

Wow, although I can't say that I'm at all surprised, the boys really did word it their way!

I know, some women are so misguided. It's sad, but society plays a strong role in it. I try to hang out with women that have their heads screwed on straight. But, as we discuss on this forum all the time, there are a lot of women out there that don't really think about their fate, and just stumble onto it.

I can't imagine having someone living in my house if I was less than thrilled with them. There are a lot of people that I love that I would NEVER want to live with - my parents, sisters, etc. And I LOVE them. But I'm funny about who I want in my personal space for the rest of my life!!! My DH's first wife was all about the white fantasy. I really believe a lot of women get caught up in it.

God yes, totally agree. I'm very vocal about my opinions anyway so I imagine most men who know me will know my stance on kids before they asked me out... of course, if I asked them out (which I have done in the past... equality and all that) then I would be VERY blunt... I was with my current boyfriend 6 years ago... our first proper ' date' was at a pub and I said ' Just so you know, I don't want to get married and never want kids, is that a problem?'

I think it's so *sad* that womens brains (and some mens... but mostly womens) seem to turn to mush when the 'broodiness' kicks in... and rather than think sensibly, 'right, I want a child but more importantly, I need a GOOD bloke'... they think ' baby...baby.. baby... Oh, here's a [censored].. that will do'

I had a friend... she had a boyfriend - they got married after 6 years...

Before they got married she said about hie stag night ' Look all you want, don't touch' .. . he ended up eating a twix bar out of a strippers *ahem* licking cream off her chest etc etc... god knows what else.... she forgave him, as if she didn't, well... she wouldn't get married or get to wear the pretty dress and that was important....

He smoked dope and promised to give up when she got pregnant... which was 2 months after the wedding... he then turned round and said ' I'm not giving up dope... what are you going to do? abort our child? .. so she made excuses for him... ' He'll give up when I'm showing'.. 5 months later.. he was still smoking it... 'Oh, he'll give up when I give birth'... 5 months later... 'Oh, he only smokes outside.. not near the baby'

He's blacklisted so can't have a credit card... my friend give him hers.. and said to go online and buy some babythings - he lost �200 at online poker on her credit card.... 'Oh, he'll pay it back', she said....

Firstly... if this was me - I would have left him before marriage - but no, this is what I mean.. some women are *SO* pathetic and obsessed with the idea of marriage and babies, they don't care who they marry...

Oh, and when she was 8 months pregnant he told her she looked 'disgusting' and 'I married a thin wife, I want a thin wife' ... needless to say - he has very little to do with the kids, smokes dope... and she has 2 children now and looks after them.... she had a degree in Computer Science, a very decent job.. and he dropped out of school at 16 so supports the entire family on his very low wages....

Her choice... but Christ... I wouldn't have chosen it.

Yep, I agree.

On our third date, I think I just blurted it out, "So, are ya cut?" At that time, I still hadn't made a CF decision, so when he (choked on his drink before composing himself to answer) said yes, I was a little sad. One might think that this man is the reason I "justified" being CF, and I'm sure he had a significant part. But the decision was gradual, and I made it without discussing it with him. I turned to many books, this site, and Web research over the next few months, and it just happened to be in those months when I'd look around me at all the expecting mothers at the office and all the people with kids and had different thoughts that in years past. It was also during this time that I trumped up my activity level, and now that it's practically at a pitch, I wouldn't have it any other way. Even if my boyfriend and I don't work out, I'll still maintain the same activity level, and it's not conducive to having children. I would move on to another relationship eventually, and he would have to understand that kids would not be in our future.

We didn't expressly talk about not wanting kids. I mentioned it a few times, but I don't think he took me seriously. He tells me that he married me knowing I didn't want kids, but I think he really thought I'd change my mind.

These days DH is more open to the fact that I don't want kids. I think it's because he wants me more than he wants kids.

Also, I'm insane, and he knows that kids would make me insaner. :-)

This is so true. The guy who sits next to me at work told me he told his son, I don't care if you are gay you are having kids until you have a boy to carry on the family name. And they say we are selfish??