BellaOnline Forums Relationships Dating Having a fling with a friend

Anyone out there have a fling with a friend, and kept the friendship? I have a recently divorced friend, and she wanted to try something new sexually. I have know her my whole life and had no idea she has had a crush on me for the last ten or so years.I admit I was a little curious, but not really excited about it. I was at her house and we were have a little get together. I was really drunk and so was she. So she told me all this. Asked if we could be more than friends. I said I would have to think about it. We tried to go to sleep, she started touching me, and on from there. Today I am feeling a bit like I was pushed into it. And feeling strange, like I slept with my cousin. I just want to go back to being friends again. Anyone else screw up like this? I kind of think she is just lonely, she was expecting someone she likes to show up and she didn't. I am extremely disturbed about it, not being with a female, just being with a close friend that I have been through everything with. Well, I guess now I can say we really have been through everything.

You may be right that your friend was responding out of a place of loneliness and hurt. It probably wasn't the best time to explore new levels of your friendship. The best thing that you can do going forward is to be completely honest with her. Pull her aside when you are both sober and tell her that although you enjoyed the experience (if you enjoyed the experience) that you didn't feel comfortable with it as you are unsure of how it would affect your relationship going forward. Let her know how much you value her friendship and your desire to keep it on that level and nothing further. Make sure that you let her know that you are there to support her for her needs and comfort her but that you want to respect that she is in a vulnerable place right now. Being honest and disclosing your concerns should hopefully allow an open conversation where the two of you can come to a good understanding about where your relationship stands.

Happy Living!

I'd agree with niquenya. I doubt though that you'll ever really go back to exactly the same place as you were before the fling, but I'm sure you knew that already.

Well, some time has passed, I discussed it with her. She seemed fine. We hung out like we always do. We have a game night every Thurs. Then, halfway through the night, she said she was tired and had to go home. I said fine and drove her home. I am a busy person and I have lots of friends. She doesn't have too many. Wednesday came along, and I usually call her the night before to make sure she wants me to pick her up at work or if she has a ride. I was watching a movie with another friend of mine and forgot. Right when I was about to call, she called and said that we weren't friends anymore because friends call eachother more often,and that we are acquaintances. I explained that I really dont' enjoy talking on the phone. I never have, and I am not treating her any differently than I always did. SHe hung up. I emailed her and went on to ask if this was what she meant by high maintenance. It didn't get too nasty, but she seemed to think that I was excluding her or something on game night. I sat right next to her. You don't converse much when playing games. I think she still has this crush on me and can't deal with it. I told her she needs to get out there and expand her social horizons. I cannot be her only source of company. SHe was kind of acting like she expects more of me now, like there is a "relationship" or something. And the more I think about it the more I feel used because she had been expecting this girl she likes but is too afraid to confess to come to her party and this person didn't show. When that happened she started making the moves on me. I did ask her why she can't drop it and mellow out and not take every thing in life so seriously. SHe said she has to be serious all the time about everything. I told her she is in for a long, hard life then. With that she told me that if I respect her I won't call, write or make any contact with her ever again, and that I made some good points, but she can't be my friend. And I said if you are petty enough to throw away a 20 year friendship over a schoolgirl crush and a missed phone call, then good luck and I hope you can move on with your life. SO that was that. Now I guess I have seen the irational side of female behaviour. I knew she was somewhat of a controling person, but had never tried to control me, not until now.