BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids New Job, New Bingos!

Hello all! It's been fun catching up on all of your posts/stories and remembering that I'm not a total pariah everywhere I go.

Anyway, I started a new job (actually working with my cousin, who is preggers by "surprise" -- she was just married in September and planned to wait awhile before starting a family, but--oops!). My previous job included several CF co-workers, but everyone I work with now is either a mom, grandma, fiance, etc. and EVERYONE has baby rabies. It's hard enough fitting into a new environment, and all of this has made me feel totally left out. It doesn't help that my one close child-free friend is planning on eloping to vegas in June, as soon as her psycho military boyfriend is back from deployment--and I don't mean to generalize, but she is currently the only one in her little military clique to NOT be pregnant with #3, 4, 8, etc or have any kids, so I bet by July she's going to be expecting too. She just texted me "I am craving just one single, CF friend"--which gave me a glimmer of hope that she might actually wait for a few days after her wedding to start "trying", unlike seemingly everyone else.

I am sorry to rant, but I am having such a hard time accepting that I am the ONLY one in my tight-knit group that is not baby nuts. I'm genuninely excited for my cousin--hopefully I get to be Godmother AND fave older cousin--but I find myself feeling really lonely which is NOT me. I wish my friends would get married and then wait to have kids for a while. Not one of my friends has waited even a year to pop out a kid after their wedding. It makes me wonder why they got married in the first place, and for some reason the green monster starts appearing.

My brother/his GF and my SO's sister/boyfriend are currently and seem to intend to stay childfree, but we six are all so busy that we don't get to see each other too often. I guess I am going to make a better effort to see them, because it's getting to the point where i'm feeling ill over things that have nothing to do with ME!! Again, sorry to rant, but I know you all understand and experience this every day, too!!!

I understand what you mean. Out of my friends who have children, only my sister waited. She didn't get pregnant until they were together for 5 years. All the others were pregnant before their first anniversary.

one of my BFF got married a little over a yr. ago and she's already expecting.it really floored me b/c i thought i would have at least another yr. until she got preggers. it is very hard to deal with so i can understand what you're going through.

i have other friends but her and my other friend who has two kids are my very BFF. so it really hurts.lately i've been going through my usual post-holiday winter blues. coupled with this also going on has been quite tough.

indigo

Blonde, I know how you feel. My first job out of college was that way, with the exception of one other co-worker. It's so hard to be sitting with them at lunch and listen to them talk about something that seems alien and completly uninteresting. The only thing that became interesting was that one of the daughters of my co-workers got into anime. I liked to look at her drawings and pick out what series she was watching. Of course, everyone at work just thought I was childish and immature.

I think all we can do is just remember that the most important thing that we all have in common is that we are trying to get through this life as best we can. People with children create a pretty big group, and being excluded from it can feel lonely and frustrating. But there is still a bigger group that everyone belongs to beyond that. I try to focus on that.

Nonetheless, having this forum and this group of people makes me so happy. I can't express to you all how grateful I am for you.

My youngest sister told me when she first got married that she was going to wait at least 4-5 years before having a kid, because she wanted to enjoy being married before having children.

She was pregnant 2 months after she got married.

It was a silent but personal disappointment, to be sure.

8 years later, she is the mother of 3 boys, who acts like a single mother in her current situation (very long and involved story).

It's crazy how people don't say what they mean, or change their mind so quickly and effortlessly about such important decisions. My cousin's "oops" was a definite oops, but they obviously didn't take the necessary precautions to prevent it, which shows me that, despite the disappointment that she felt at first about the poor timing, she didn't NOT want it all that badly. My other girlfriend got married in January 2006, had her first in March 2007, and is now "not not trying", whatever that means. My third close girlfriend (yes, I have a whopping three!) always said she wanted to remain CF until age 30, and now she's probably going to be pregnant this year (at age 26) from the way she's talking.

It makes me want to give up, but Tress is definitely right about sticking together with your friends as life goes on, because friends and family are definitely the most important thing--the ONLY important thing--and I just try to find other common ground with them, like going out to dinner and even playing with their kids (or helping plan for those soon to arrive).

I appreciate the replies, I feel better already!! You guys rock!

That's very close to what my SIL said. She said her pregnancy was KIND of a surprise. She said they weren't trying, but they weren't NOT trying.

I'm right there with ya.

I thought my family was sane and accepted me for the oddball I am, but all that changed yesterday. ALL of my siblings / step-siblings will either have or be making babies this year. It's like a baby tsunami. My parents are already starting to act differently towards me, as they know I'm not taking that path. I'm sure it will be much worse as all the babies arrive. I'm seriously thinking of how I will start discreetly avoiding family functions for the next, say 13, years. It sucks.

Bassgrrl, I'm so sorry to hear that! I would feel the same way, and probably retreat from family affairs. But I bet in some ways they find you refreshingly different. But we aren't in junior high anymore, and no one wants to feel like the oddball, or like they aren't part of the club. I'm so glad my sister isn't dating or having babies. I know she would if she could, but it isn't in the stars for her. My other sis has a son, my nephew, but it really does help if there's at least one other nonparent around. It's the same way when everyone couples up. I'm rooting for you.

Blonde, I'm sorry to hear about your job. That WOULD be really tough, to be around all mothers all the time. I think having this board will help hopefully. You can vent when you want. And hopefully you can hang out with nonmothers outside of work!