It's so obvious in this CF room when we get a drive-by, because it usually is so off-base, usually because someone didn't take the time to read details of previous posts.
*gently takes Discombobulated_bunny and bahrain by the hand to guide them back through some post details*
So all the years a woman stays home with the child because she and her husband have agreed that this is how they wish to raise said child... all those years out of the work force.... and he decides to split.. leaving her high and dry is totally acceptable to people without children.... awesome...
Um, no -- did you miss happytobechildfree's disclaimer, which was repeated at least once? Yep, ya did. Here, I'll help you:
I think the husband should pay for the kids and support them, don't get me wrong.
The missed point that went whizzing by your head is that we don't agree with mothers who
take advantage of child support. As happy said, of course we advocate the father pays child support. It's the law. What we don't agree with are the mothers who victimize themselves into thinking they're entitled to continue to stay home after hubby leaves, and also as happytobechildfree said,
"expects to get half of what her working husband has been making." Taking advantage of child support comes in so many ways I witness on a daily basis: Not getting a job; using it to pay for anything from pedicures to cruises; not changing their lifestyle to compensate...it's rampant.
...and all that time being out of the work force has created a lapse in her perceived skills..because as a couple, they chose to have children
It was a joint decision to have the kid, and it should have been a joint decision for the mother to stay home. It's no secret that the divorce rate has gone over 50%, and with those odds, I think it's foolish for any woman to become 100% dependent, though it would be nice to live in that kind of bliss. And I believe, someone else said the same thing. Ah yes, thank you, LinuxLady:
I swear, if I ever got knocked on the head and changed my mind about having kids.. I would, never.. ever be totally financially reliable on my husband.
That's why Bahrain's situation is so utterly foreign to us:
Some men actually make the decision that the wife is to stay at home and raise the kids. I should know. I was one of them. I wanted to work, he didn't want me too.
My husband would never decide a THING for me - nevermind something with which I would be overwhelmingly uncomfortable, like becoming 100% dependent on him. In America and other non-Arab countries, women don't have to do what their husbands say. We don't have to wear burkas, we can continue our education, we can have jobs, and we can even talk to other women to see how they're making out.
I was in corporate America for many years working my tail off and found that it wasn't worth the headaches, the stress, the backstabbing etc. So for me, being a stay at home mom was a privilege.
You know, I'd hedge a bet that ALL people in corporate America feel the same way you do about their work environment and would have loved the same privilege -- to duck out and go home. But just because you choose that life doesn't mean your now ex-husband should have to continue to subsidize it now that the two of you split.
Lastly, I promise you I get a bigger kick out of your comment, bahrain, than you did out of any one of our posts:
For one fact of info. All of you would not be here if you didnt have a mom.
This is a repeated breeder comment in which we in here fail to find relevance. Frankly, I don't know which direction to go with it, but I can have fun trying:
1. If my mother never existed, you're right, I wouldn't be here. But thank God I am to be able to help pay taxes and unemployment...and to help people cope with poor decisions.
2. If my mother made me and split, my father would have found a way to make ends meet and provide a decent life for me. He would not have thrown his hands up in despair, crying, "VICTIM! VICTIM!"
My father, at one point, held three jobs AT THE SAME TIME my mother held down TWO of her own. Latch-key kid for a while? Yep. But I made it. WE made it. Though women in our country enjoy such freedoms as being able to make their own decisions and holding their own jobs, what we lack as a whole is ACCOUNTABILITY.
I'm not saying that life as a single mother is a cakewalk or that you're expected to pull through it smelling like a rose. God knows, I'd probably off myself if faced with that situation. Raising a kid is hard enough when you have an active, participating husband to help with that behemothic task. The thought of being at risk of going it alone is...well, about #3 on my list of why I'll never have children. My choice.
