BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage miscarried 10 days ago - HELP!!!

Thank you everybody who's replied to my desperate pre-holiday post! I can't express how helpful it is to have a forum in which to talk about all this. I've managed to survive the holidays ok, my last check-up with my ob went well and he says all my insides seem fine, which is good news. Blood test showed sharply dropping hormone levels, so molar pregnancy is out, although my levels were really high when i went into hospital - making me think perhaps it was a multiple pregnancy.

ob's prescribed me prozac for my horrible depression, I'm about 10 days into it (10mg/day taken at night) as well as ambien cr.

I'm curious if anyone else is using this / has used it to cope with tragedy? any problems? was it helpful? what about getting off it after some time has passed? - i don't want to take it long-term, but I will say that so far I am feeling much better, managing to make it out of bed in the morning, out of the house, go for a walk and go to work every single day! :-)

Angela - thanks so much for your long, very helpful email! Much of what you had to say was very helpful - you're right, it could be worse. I keep telling myself this every day. Even though we found out on xmas eve that my father has cancer (on top of everything else!) it could still be worse. really. I'm going to go get myself a blank journal tomorrow and begin it - one of the books I'm reading suggests that as well. I began a journal when I found out I was pregnant, but the last entry was the night I went into hospital and somehow I cannot bring myself to write anything else in that book. Perhaps beginning a blank one will help.

To All: I've tried several more times to find support groups in my town and cannot find anything (although haven't given up), there are a grand total of 2 books on miscarriage grief in my public library (both of which I have checked out) so this forum is my support group right now. And its really so helpful and lovely that you all are out there. Oh, also, one suggestion that I've seen a few times for coping with all of this at the holidays is to do some sort of memorial donation/charity thing in memory of one's child. I gave some money to St Jude Children's Hospital in memory of my baby - it was so hard to type his name, etc, but I have to say that it has helped a great deal.

To everyone else suffering mightily right now, read my story. If I can hang in there, so can you! I've come to know that the only way to go through this is to move THROUGH it.

Thank you again, so very much!
love and grateful hugs

I am so glad that you posted again. I was worried about you! Not posting for a few days left me worried.

When I had my first miscarriage I read several books on the subject, and it helped a little. The fact that made the biggest impression on me was that miscarriages happen much more than people think. Many woman miscarry without even knowing it. It is possible that one in four pregnancies miscarry. Whew! It's kind of amazing any baby gets born with those odds!

Well, it doesn't change your loss, but it does let you know that many other people have gone through it and your not alone. Please keep writing, we are all here for you.

Dev,

I'm so glad you posted, too. It's amazing how someone's well-being can come through in text, but you "sound" so much better than your pre-holiday post.

Very sorry to hear about your dad. Now is a good time to be there for him as he faces his own struggle, too.

Perfect idea to start a new journal. It provides a better physical reminder than a new chapter in your life - it's a whole new book!

Another idea for a support group is a bereavement group, and they're readily available through any church. I'm sure that if a church isn't your thing that your community has some, too. Your donation in your baby's name was a wonderful idea -- you and your baby helped someone else.

As long as you continue to nurture you in healthy ways, time and healing will take care of the rest. Keep posting; we support your every day -- the ups, the downs, and anything else you want to share.

- Angela

Dear Devastated,
I am SOOO sorry for your loss. A miscarriage is so incredibly devastating. People that have not gone through it can not possibly image the grief that you feel with the loss of your child. I read your story and I feel your pain. I went through a similiar experience a few years ago. I became pregnant unexpectedly. I was not with the father because we had actually just started dating. When he found out I was pregnant he got scared and backed off. It was very hard because I was so scared and never imagined myself as a single mom. However, like yourself I very quickly started getting excited about my baby. I became very attatched and did EVERYTHING in my power to be as healthy as I could for my pregnancy. I went for an ultrasound at 8 weeks and saw the heartbeat and I will never forget that excitement and awe I feel with that. Things we going fine with me until about 14 weeks when I started bleeding and having heavy cramps. I ended up going to the hospital and finding out that my baby's heartbeat had stopped at about 8 1/2 weeks. I was beyond devasted. I couldnt believe that this could happen. It was so unfair. It was a missed miscarriage, meaning my body just keep going and believing it was still pregnant. It actually is the hardest thing I have ever been through. Worse than losing my dad. I felt so alone and misunderstood. Like yourself people shyed away from me. My best friends and family even. And that made it worse. Every said it wasn't meant to be and of course something was wrong with that baby and that is natures way of taking care of it. This in my opinion is a very cold thing to say. Almost like saying if someones mother came down with cancer, that there was something wrong with her and it is natures way of taking care of it. What was worse was when people would say you can have another one. First of all, I didn't want another one I wanted my baby that was growing inside of me. I wanted that little heartbeat that I had seen so beautifully beating. I wanted that little angel that I worked so hard to protect and nurture. Also, as I was single at the time, I didn't see that happening. It was a very painful and lonely time for me. DO NOT feel alone. There are so many of us that have lost our beautiful babies!!!! It just isn't always the people that you are around. I don't think that people try to be cold when these things happen. I think that if someone hasn't expeirenced something sometimes they are just not capable of having the empathy that is deserved. I grieve to this day for my litte one. I called him little d through my pregnancy. I kept hearing from everyone that time heals all wounds. UNTRUE!!! Time helps you learn to deal with those wounds. About four months after my horrendous ordeal I did meet a wonderful man. I eventually opened up to him about my ordeal and it was he who help my hand on those hard anniversaries. The due date and the day you miscarried will always have meaning in your heart!! I did get pregnant last May (we were trying). Unfortunatly that pregnancy also ended at 12 weeks. Again we had seen the heartbeat at 8 1/2 weeks. Our baby died at 9weeks. Another missed miscarriage. I was in shock. We did have our baby tested and found out she was a little girl and had trisomy 22. Meaning it WAS a chromosome abnormality. A very common one. Trisomy 22 is uncapadable with life. That doesn't mean that I didn't love my little girl or still want her. But it does mean that she wouldn't have made it to birth no matter what I did. It WASN'T my fault either time. In any way, shape or form. That has been the hardest thing for me to accept. Because I want a REASON!!! It just happened by chance. Bad luck as they call it. Well I want you to know I just recently married that wonderful man that I met a few years ago. We have been through our own miscarriage with our little Issabella , but I am pregnant again. There is hope. The doctors tell me I have a very good chance of having a sucessful pregnancy this time. I am going to grap onto that bit of hope and hold on tighly. I want you to know you are NOT alone. My heart aches for you for I know the grief you feel. I wish I could take it away from you but I can't. You will NEVER forget the love you have for your little angel in heaven and rest assured your baby felt all of your love while wrapped up in your tummy.

Someone told me once that babies ( the souls) choses their mommies(and families) before they are born. I believe this to be true I think if it doesn't work out the first time, they come back. I think they keep comming back until they are able to have their soulmates. Keep in mind I believe this to be the souls that inhabit our bodys. Souls do not have genders, only bodies have genders. Your little angel will always be with you and will find a way to come back to you. That may sound crazy but it really helped me to know I didn't ever lose my babies they are with me and will find their way back to me someday. I hope you are doing better, but if your not please know that you will feel better someday. I will take time and you will never forget but you will learn how to deal. You are going through the grieving process and there is no shortcut. Therapy did help me with the skills to cope it didn't take away the pain. It might be something you can will want to look into when you are ready. My heart goes out to you!
Ketamarie