BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids OMG this BABY THING!!!

Tonight was NOT FUN! We went to a 90th party for my DH's grandma. SIL was there in all her pregnant glory. She had been to her first baby shower. I was talking with her about the stuff she got, being nice, taking a interest, etc.

But ALL NIGHT it was baby baby baby baby baby baby baby. Baby-to-be. Great-grandma-to-be. Etc.

And the whole time she was standing up in the center of the room in her skin-tight white sweater. She is very skinny by nature, so every curve of her body was noticeable. The whole time she was rubbing her stomach. Seriously! Get some decent maternity clothes! I HATE this new trend of showing off every curve. I shouldn't see your belly button! And I can't help but look at your stomach because all you do it RUB IT! You DESERVE to have strangers pat your pregnant belly if you act like that!

And all the baby talk! ALL NIGHT LONG! And I literally had to put my sleeve in my plate to go to the bathroom and wash it off so that I wouldn't throw up. Not figuratively. Literally. I literally thought I was going to puke. My husband thought I was being a [censored] because I murmured it to him as someone said something about the baby. I was like, no, seriously, if I don't get up right now you're going to see what I had for dinner.

Never had THAT reaction before!

But I've been getting dizzy and nauseous every other night or so for the last week. Of course, I've had countless people suggest I have a bun in the oven. Um, it's called MORNING SICKNESS people! Not NIGHT sickness! And also, I'm pretty sure it's from my sinus allergies because I've had this before because my ears get clogged or something (I also have muffled hearing in one ear from the sinuses.)

I don't appreciate people suggesting I'm pregnant.

Also, someone on the other side of the room mentioned that all their kids are out of college and MIL said, "and now it's MARRIAGE TIME!" and someone else said, "and then BABY TIME!"

Oh lord.

I also totally put my foot in my mouth. SIL and I somehow ended up talking about the book Jo's Boys and I thought it was so fun to have all those boys in one house (in the book, not in my life!) And SIL mentioned that show about the sextuplets and the twins (don't know what that's called.) She said it was SO COOL to have all those kids in one house. Well, I had to put in my two cents about how ridiculous it is nowadays to have that many kids. Didn't realize I was surrounded by people who were part of 8-kid families. I almost got into a fight with SIL because she kept insisting that it was just WAY TOO FUN to have TONS of kids. I said it's so expensive, and FIL pipes in with "but then they all get financial aid in college, so the more, the better." (He was joking. I hope.) Retch.

I have such mixed feelings about my SIL. Half the time I am sick of her and the other half I am jealous (apparently they can afford, even with the baby coming, to get a new computer and a new flat-screen TV.) And the other half I just feel bad for her since she lives so far away from her family (3 hours) and has no friends or family where she lives. How hard is that, and they are having a problem fitting all the shower gifts in the minivan.

How annoying. I ended up crying half the way home, and having a discussion with my husband about why people shouldn't have 8 kids the other half.

I am totally sympathetic... Whenever I get nausea, people assume that I'm pregnant (which I find totally disgusting). And I HATE it when I'm around people who do nothing but discuss breeding. Yuck.

I think having 8 children is irresponsible. Think of the resources the earth gives up to support one child and multiply by eight. And the impact on the environment one person makes! Ok, I sound like a hippie, but it sounds selfish to me to expect the world to make room for a bunch of children when we can't feed all those already existing. It seems wrong. That's yet another reason I'm CF - in addition to a lot of other reasons, of course.

I've also noticed the fact that pregnant women aren't wearing clothing that fits. I stopped at a gas station yesterday and this skinny woman with a huge beachball in front was wearing a regular-sized shirt. Imagine how much the stomach was showing. Ew. Whatever happened to disgusting polka-dotted maternity clothing? At least it covered everything, and gave us yet another thing associated with pregnancy to laugh at.

And don't feel bad about your SIL being able to afford nice things. Maybe they CAN'T really afford it? I used to do credit counseling, and people who had expensive stuff were usually the ones in deep debt. Putting on a show even if it puts a strain on cash flow. You may not know their financial situation - maybe they got the stuff on credit cards and have huge payments each month! Or think of it this way - they feel they need the expensive computer and TV to take their minds off the misery that is parenthood.

Another myth about pregnancy:

Morning sickness doesn't just strike you in the morning. It can come at any time of the day or night and it can go away or stay with you all the time. I rarely had mine in the morning.

One of the reasons you might have seen your SIL's belly button is that in some women when they get big, their belly button sticks out, it depends on how well it was tied when the Mother was born. There isn't anything you can do about it other then wait until you give birth, it goes back into place. A girlfriend of mine told me hers looked like a little [censored] when she was pregnant.

Firstly, how old is this grandma? SHE is having kids? How old is she?
Secondly their choices are screwy IMHO but if you want them to respect yours you gotta respect theirs. Then again, maybe they don't respect yours and won't no matter what you do.
Thirdly, I'm sorry it was baby baby baby how nausiating!
Sorry you had to put up with that!
I will be seeing my family next year (but not for a while) but I'm not sure how it's gonna go. My mum and dad are fine but I mean the rest of the family. Some have two kids, some have four, one has 7.
And my grandma initially seemed to think I'd achieved NOTHING in life of significance cause I wasn't married with kids or deeply religious! Well that's the impression I got. I think now she respects I was born to travel not have kids! (To each their own!)
(And yes eight kids IS bad for the environment!!)
My colleague who is a mother of three might have this mindset. She said her grandparents were surrounded by grandchildren and lots of people in the house and so they were never lonely.
Personally, to me that sounds like hell!
But to each their own.
I too hate it when I'm sick and people say I must be pregnant and it's the first thing mother of three DOES say! (We work with kids so sometimes we DO pick up their sicknesses.)
Laughing at the "little [censored]" thing.
I have heard this too about Morning sickness, not necessarily just in the morning!
Oh I think my brother and his wife would have eight kids cause they don't believe in birth control at ALL but my mum and dad want them to slow down cause they've ALREADY had to REALLY help out financially. And one of my cousins and her husband have 7!!
And one of my male cousins might be childfree (or just lucky in a way?!) cause he is in his 40s now and no kids.
Difference is he hasn't really settled with anyone whereas I have.
Meaning if he did I don't know whether he'd have them or not.

Hi girls,

I think people, including womenm just don't celebrate any events of a woman's life which is not within the shallow traditional range. For example, people buy us gifts for weddings, birth of kids. Why don't they ever celebrate our promotions, our other less traditional achievements?

Sharing this with you girls...watch the video...quite spot on ;o)

http://choiee.multiply.com/journal/item/102/What_is_it_with_Women_and_Shoes

Ok...reading your postings make me wanna get something off my chest too.Hope it's alright.

I don't know about you girls but do you get this "when are you having kids" question stuffed down your throat during the main festivals?
Last week, my bf and I celebrated xmas with his family. As per danish traditions, 24th is the main day when people have the dinner together, sing and dance around the xmas tree and then open presents. The 25th, we have a xmas lunch at his parents.

On the 24th, we were having dinner with a whole bunch of small town people from his step mum's family. The hosts were his cousin sister and her husband. They're young and have a 10 month old baby. He was naturally, the whole focus of the night.

We spent a whole hour watching them exchange gifts leaving my bf, me and his dad out of the gift exchanging. And guess what, half the time, the presents were either for the kid or FROM the kid! And his parents get the best of gifts since they live up to the family's expectation of getting married and reproducing.

The next day, at my bf's parents, it was another crowd. It was his parents, us and his aunt & uncle. It was going great until at one point, his uncle asked point blank "when are you going to have some midgets (kids)?". And then his aunt went on and on about the joy of being grandparents and parents. And she told my bf that he's getting old. She said "better hurry, oldie".
All this time, his stepmum (from the smalltown family) nodded and repeated how rewarding it is to be parents.

Thank God my bf and his dad stepped in and told them to stop.

I just get so [censored] off. Why do people assume that what makes them happy would make me happy? Firstly, none of the women in that family have a career worth mentioning. Secondly, they live in a small town and are contented with it. Me, I want to see the world. Thirdly, it's so easy to talk about healthy pregnancies when they're all 6 ft tall and have no fat on their bodies, and can take perpetual time off work. whew...now that I got this off my chest, I can calm down... ;o)

I guess traditions are different in different families, but I don't understand the concept of extended family showering the kids with gifts. When I was little, it was my parents and "Santa" who gave me the most gifts. I would get one present from each set of grandparents. My grandparents weren't rich and had several grandkids, so couldn't afford to give multiple gifts to each grandkid. Plus, everyone got equal amounts, not "one is more special than the other so you get more." But, I have a coworker who gives her grandkids LOTS of gifts, some of them pretty expensive (like iPods, etc.). She goes into debt to buy her grandkids gifts, and pays for it all year until the next holiday. She once told me she felt bad for the grandkids because their parents can't afford to buy them lots of gifts (Hmmm...maybe they shouldn't have had more kids than they could afford, or just teach the kids to accept what they can afford to give?) This year, one of her daughters told her to not give so many gifts, because the young kids are getting confused about who Santa is...they probably think it's Grandma since she gives them so much!

Also, I think it's more appropriate for the bulk of the family gifts to be given between just the family and the givers, by themselves, that way people aren't sitting around bored while others open gift after gift...that's just not appropriate to my way of thinking.

Cindy

Cindy, my family was a lot like yours in terms of gift giving. "Santa" gave us the majority of our gifts and my grandparents sent us maybe one or two gifts plus maybe a gift from an aunt. It might have been because since the time I was four we lived away from extended family, but I feel like it would have been the same way if we had lived near them. This Christmas was my first as a aunt, and I actually found myself feeling like I had not bought enough to give my nephew (I bought him a "Baby's first Christmas" onesie and matching blanket). Living four states away, I'm not sure what else everyone gave him but I'm sure he was showered with gifts.

We lived away from extended family too, but I don't think the "local" cousins got more gifts from my grandparents than we did. They had a strong sense of "fairness" and wouldn't have done that. Of course, when I was growing up, we didn't get as many gifts overall, kids today seem to get toys and gifts for no reason at all. We had to wait for Christmas or birthdays, or save up allowance to buy what we wanted.

My SIL is pregnant, and she got a few gifts for the baby this Christmas from our family, but nothing overwhelming. (I got them a Mother Goose book, same one from when I was a kid, and a couple of baby outfits from a garage sale, in great condition of course!) I don't really think my parents will go overboard next Christmas when the baby (their only grandchild) will be there. My mom tends to set a budget limit and spends to that. I plan to do that too, as the aunt (spend about $25 or so, which is about what I spent each on my SIL's two sons from her previous marriage).

Cindy

I really sympathize with you. It's usually me against 8 when debating child and childfree issues. It annoys me to no end that everytime I have a slight illness, people automatically assume I'm pregnant. As if that is the only known condition to affect women. I was nausous after too much holiday food, and my best friend called my mother and asked her if she should start planning a baby shower! I thought that was insane.