logo
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 14
L
Newbie
OP Offline
Newbie
L
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 14
When he wants sex he just does it even if I tell him no or to leave me alone or I don't want to, he did that tonight again....he totally ignores how I feel, I'm not attracted to him in that way any longer and I haven't been for a very long time.
Everything he's done to me has caused me to not love him and honestly I don't think I ever really did love him to begin with.
How can someone abuse you, not acknowledge that what he's doing is abuse, say he loves you and then be extremely nice.
Honestly that drives me absolutely nuts......I asked my counselor the last time I saw her if I was being abused just to make sure I wasn't imagining it and she said yes I am being abused.
What is it that doesn't click with them, they can see all types of abuse but it doesn't register that this is exactly the type of thing they're doing.
How can someone who's abusing you love you and says I love you and then turn around and do something horrid.....god why is this happening to me?

Sponsored Post Advertisement
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582
V
BellaOnline Editor
Wolf
Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Wolf
V
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582
By staying there, you are allowing it to happen. You need to get out nad at least separate for awhile. Go stay with your family for awhile so he can see what it feels like when you are gone.

If you are not sexually attracted to him or feel you do not love him, why are you still there?


Vance Rowe
Crime Editor
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,899
Chipmunk
Offline
Chipmunk
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,899
Skye my ex sexually assaulted me a lot. He weighed more then me so it was easy for him to hold me down or I would "just do it" to get it over with and so he would shut up already. Yes you are being abused, you need to get out, it will not get better.

Vance, that is an easy question to ask but a hard one to answer. Some victims get so brain washed by their abusers, they believe what is happening is normal or they are scared for their lives to get out.


Jeanette Stingley - Women's Lit
http://womenslit.bellaonline.com
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,142
Koala
Offline
Koala
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,142
I agree! you need to get help and get out! whatever help you need you can find some where some how! Family friends the cops church salvation army good will anywhere just get help and get out! I have no idea why some people are like that and to tell you the truth I dont think i want to know or understand. If it would help then I would try but I have seen to many that are too munipluative and angry to be helped! the best way to help him and yourself is to get out and hope for the best.
good luck!

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 359
H
Shark
Offline
Shark
H
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 359
get out as quickly as possible.

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 447
Gecko
Offline
Gecko
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 447
Hey Lady Skye, sounds like things aren't getting any better. Your post of a week or so ago indicated that a move was imminent. Any progress on getting yourself out of there? Being treated as a non-person would be one sign that you'd be better off on your own. Take care of yourself- and we all would agree that we mean every word of that phrase.


Be kinder than you need to be. Everyone is dealing with something.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 127
D
Dez Offline
Jellyfish
Offline
Jellyfish
D
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 127
Being abused doesn't start all at once, or over night. You don't have a date with someone who then screams at you over dessert and ask him if he's free next weekend. He's a gentleman, loving, and everything you think a good person is. The bad things happen slowly, and the appologies are so profuse and seeminly sincere that you believe him and stay.

And after awhile, you get desensitized to the littler things, and then worse and worse. But I think there always comes a point where he crosses a line so severely that you can't look back or forgive. A lot depends on local support, not strangers but family and friends. You see, it is easy to say "he's treating you badly, get out!" But when you do you are beset with people saying, "was he REALLY that bad?" or "what about your children?" And even if they support your decision to leave, a month or even weeks after you've left your nightmare, they're over it and you aren't. So if you mention it, or talk about what you're going through you get hard looks, exasperated sighs and "can't you just let it go already?"

Easier said than done. The fact is the support everyone says is there is largely words and little else. And what little there is is tired of the drama after a short time.

It takes immense strenth to leave - and to stay gone. A person should never be minimized or degraded because they were fooled by a master manipulator; rather they should be applauded for seeing through the facade and leaving the nightmare. Even more so for rescuing children from that hell.

Dez

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 9
C
Newbie
Offline
Newbie
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 9
Originally Posted By: Jeanette - DV & Buddhism
Skye my ex sexually assaulted me a lot. He weighed more then me so it was easy for him to hold me down or I would "just do it" to get it over with and so he would shut up already. Yes you are being abused, you need to get out, it will not get better.

Vance, that is an easy question to ask but a hard one to answer. Some victims get so brain washed by their abusers, they believe what is happening is normal or they are scared for their lives to get out.


Reply: The most dangerous time for a woman living with an abuser is the time she picks to leave. That is when abusers kill their partners.

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Amoeba
Offline
Amoeba
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 78
It takes immense strength to leave - and to stay gone. A person should never be minimized or degraded because they were fooled by a master manipulator; rather they should be applauded for seeing through the facade and leaving the nightmare. Even more so for rescuing children from that hell. (comment above by Dez)

This strength is monumental! It is not something you only need to keep up for a while and then return to normal.

People will castigate you and blame you for the rest of your life for 'seeing through the facade', Unfortunately you will, in many cases, be the only one who does.

The more charismatic the manipulator is and the more besotted the manipulator's family and friends are with him/her the more strength you are going to have to find for the rest of your life.

It does not stop there either. Some people escape but, because of the law and the 'favourable' evidence given by the manipulator's sycophants and family, they are not always able to remove the children.

These things are ongoing, children can grow up to become manipulators but more often they become victims. It can skip a generation. A manipulator can cause a person not to see things and not to accept the true picture.

The ridiculous fascination of always being nice and polite to people has given manipulators a clear run. People who point out facts and tell the truth are not welcome, they are considered trouble makers and are forced to retract the stated truths or be ostracized.

No one wants to be labeled as mean or a know-it-all or a gossip. However that is what will happen if you side with the victim of an abusive manipulator. They are always stronger than the victim or the supporter.

You need prayer for strength of a very different kind to deal with this and you need it for life.

Fay

Last edited by Fay-Personal Chef; 02/08/08 05:15 AM.
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 57
B
Amoeba
Offline
Amoeba
B
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 57
I agree. That is abuse... Think of it this way...If you have to ask...is this abuse? it is... My abuser is the same way. I would tell him that I dont want to have sex with him and he would say" who cares what you want?" One time I was fighting to keep my legs closed and he smacked me. It got to the poing to where I just complied to avoid and problems...I dont know why they sdont get it...


Link Copied to Clipboard
Brand New Posts
2021: On this day . . .
by Mona - Astronomy - 04/17/21 04:38 PM
Round Table
by Angie - 04/17/21 10:15 AM
Social Media CrossPostng Tools/Apps
by Ravina - 04/17/21 03:39 AM
which type of marketing good online or offline?
by Ravina - 04/17/21 03:35 AM
Psalm for the day
by Angie - 04/16/21 12:40 PM
Shapoorji Pallonji Virar
by Krztypie - 04/16/21 10:11 AM
Rustomjee Global City Virar Floor Plan
by Rustamjee Virar - 04/16/21 02:41 AM
Hand-stitched vs. Machine-stitched
by Cheryl - Sewing Editor - 04/14/21 03:13 PM
What are the Most Popular Software Applications
by shipsy - 04/13/21 11:37 PM
How Do You Balance Career and Relationships
by Krztypie - 04/13/21 08:43 PM
Sponsor
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you and updates on any topics you choose to watch. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2021 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5