BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Apparently 'Tis the Season to Bingo

Just to explain a little background, so you don't get the wrong idea, the guy who said that is a very sweet and funny person, and has never tried to make us feel bad at all for not being parents. I get the sense he understands completely. He was saying it as a joke I think. It was just not the funniest joke to me of course. I think part of it is that they are really struggling financially, he's becoming a teacher, so I doubt they're doing very well as far as saving for retirement...so I think he was joking about it because of that, and it was almost sarcastic. I think he would acknowledge that that is a twisted reason to have kids if confronted about it. But it wasn't worth doing that.

That's cool - it's hard to know on here the tone of what someone is saying. I love it, though, that all the gals on here go for the jugular when someone makes a bingo type statement! My DH thinks I'm nuts sometimes with how upset I get. I'm such a rabid feminist gal. I start foaming at the mouth if someone even remotely suggests I succumb to parenting!

Regarding Deborah's post, that's kind of cool that your SIL redeemed herself. It sounds like maybe she realized that her parents were really good to her, and wanted to give back. What REALLY sucks is when the person doing all the taking doesn't get how much people do for them. Not that that's why you do favors for people... but it's nice if the person can be somewhat grateful.

I have to say in defense of BIL and SIL that I believe they will step up to the plate in a major way when their her folks start to have health or other issues with aging.

The thing that bothers me is that they said that their being there was their gift to you. But it WASN'T, because someone else paid for it! They could have dished out a few more dollars (not that it's about how expensive the present is, but they got a free ride, so they had a few extra bucks.)

I agree that it's pretty nervy to say their being there was a gift since they didn't pay for it! If anything, I can see the mother saying it's part of HER gift to you to have the family together.



I know what you mean that it's not about the money, even though that's the immediate thing at hand. That's what always bugged me, too - the plain unfairness!

We were the "reasonable" ones, "down to earth" and all that. One year my in-laws gave each couple a lighted ceramic Christmas village. It had a "lake" that was a mirror. It was actually kind of pretty, but we got the set with the BROKEN mirror (and the replacement piece) becase stepBIL/wife would never accept something broken! Like it was an HONOR to get the broken set! Seriously, can you not just replace the broken piece BEFORE you give it to us? And we'd never be the wiser...

But it was always that way with them.... we were expected to rearrange our schedules on a moment's notice because stepBIL/wife refused to be inconvenienced. I always wondered what would happen if WE refused to be inconvenienced, too (but of course we never did).

BTW, speaking of rotten in-law gifts... stepBIL/wife's wedding gift to US was $25 split between them and one of their friends (whom DH's dad MADE us invite to the wedding even tho we weren't friends with him). Wasn't even enough to cover one dinner (which wouldn't have mattered a lick if it had been someone we wanted there in the first place)!

Sorry this is so long and ranting... this is the first time I've ever received any understanding or sympathy for putting up with them for so long! It was always brushed aside like I was the problem! I wish this board had been around during the first years of my marriage!

Oh, and I should also mention that these are the same in-laws who schemed up this master plan of the entire family moving to a compound in FL and they would provide DAYCARE when we all started pumping out babies!!! And they were serious!! AAaack!

Eew. Seriously, that's just weird.

There are some people you can definitely do without in your life, and it sounds like you could start with those two!! As I've got older, I've come to the conclusion that there are some dramas I just don't need to put up with, regardless of whether it involves family or not...

I agree, some people just aren't worth the energy! I wish I had known that years ago!

The thing that always killed me was that they live 3 HOURS away and when they came down, it was for a weekend, not an afternoon visit! So it's not like they wouldn't have pre-planned their trip. Would it kill them to call early in the week to let us know or ask if we had plans, instead of waiting until Thurs or Fri and just announcing that they were coming??

I finally figured it out after FIL/stepmom divorced... she STILL thought she could blow into town and expect us to drop everything.

The first time it happened we were in the middle of plumbing repairs and I made no effort to dress when she popped in unannounced (DH didn't stop his project, either)! Next time she was running late b/c BIL/wife had things planned on their own schedule and of course they ran late, blah blah... I refused to change our plans, so we had about 15 min. with her before we excused ourselves and went on our way. Thankfully, that was the last time she tried to visit!

And truthfully, since they divorced and FIL died in 2005, my life has been much, much more peaceful. I feel bad saying it b/c I loved my FIL dearly, he was a wonderful man. But Stepmom was aggrevating (she'd get frustrated with BIL/wife and be my best friend, then they'd make up and she'd drop me like a hot potato. I'd never know which I was going to get from one visit to the next) and I'm happy to not have to deal with her and her son/wife anymore!