BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Apparently 'Tis the Season to Bingo

Just thought I would share a few holiday's bingos . . . some intentional and some not. My favorite was one from my MIL. We were looking through her Xmas letters and one of them was from her nephew and his wife. They have two small children and went on ad nauseum about every minute detail of the chidren's lives (they are two and four, so you can imagine how fascinating it was). My DH and I have three fabuous kitties and include a paragraph and funny pics of them in our letter and I jokingly said "Wow, they go on and on about their kids . . . I just don't need that much detail . . . . I mean, it's not as if they have cats!" My MIL, who lost her sense of humor sometime during the 1960s, responded "Well, I'm sure they are just as bored reading about your cats!" Zing! A little passive aggressive retribution for the fact that she is almost 70 and has no grandchildren.

My other two favorites were in Xmas letters we received . . . one of which said "Frank and I wonder what in the world we ever did with our time before we had kids" (ummmm . . . . slept? had sex? talked? read a book? had an actual life of your own?) and "We didn't know the meaning of the joy of Xmas until now, that we have Maggie" (so, apparently since my DH and I think we understand the meaning of the season, but we are actually barren, joyless fakers!)

Anyhow, it all made me laugh . . . and reinforced my CF decision more than ever.

It doesn't sound like you were over the top with your Christmas greeting at all. That would have [censored] me off. It's hilarious that you say she lost her sense of humor in the 60s.



I swear this is why people have kids...they can't think of anything better to do. Of course their life improved, they were big losers before they had kids. Kids definitely do give you something to do with your time, but it isn't how I'd want to spend mine. It reminds me of when I was a girl and said I was bored, and my Mom would say, "I have some chores you can do..." Not what I had in mind. I think I've said before when asked about kids that I think it would be boring, and people say, "oh, you'll never be bored." Um, yes I would. Being "busy" isn't the same thing as doing something stimulating. Busy work, like changing diapers and cleaning up messes doesn't fulfill me. Sorry! My MIL was like a crack addict looking for something to do on Christmas day. She was cleaning, straightening, etc. b/c it was so boring. I'm thinking, get a life!

happytobechildree, I couldn't agree more! I'm speechless when long-time friends who have never expressed or demonstrated any interest in children suddenly announce that they are having a baby. It's sad . . it's truly like they are following a script . . college, marriage, house, babies . . . versus spending any time and energy exploring what they really want out of life. That kind of rote decision making is especially sad for women, who have so many opportunities today but sell themselves short by automatically hopping on the baby bandwagon and not even exploring all the other options out there. I swear I can hear our suffragist foremothers are rolling in their graves.

I'm glad it made you laugh! I also liked your comment about how she lost her sense of humor in the 1960's ...

I know, it's so depressing. And this decision is so different from so many others. You have to really like kids, and be able to thrive in a chaotic environment, because that will be your life for at least 20 years. I can't imagine surrendering all of my options by having kids. What a nightmare! We can do whatever we want, when we want. I can surf the net for an hour in the morning if I want, and do the laundry later when I feel like it. But parents can't do that - they have to clean while their kids are at school, or while they are taking a nap. If I got an hour break from my children, the LAST thing I would want to do is clean or cook. But this is what women do.

Most of the people I know have a better relationship with their therapist than they do with their parents. That's pretty telling. A lot of people just aren't good at parenting, and I'm fascinated that so many people are arrogant to think they will be good at it, when they lack basic skills like patience that are needed to deal with kids. You also have to have a strong stomach, something else I don't have.

A friend we were hanging out with was getting tackled by his rambunctious shrieking toddler (whom I do adore though he's exhausting), and said, "Well, it will be worth it because at least he'll take care of me when I'm old."

Is that considered a bingo? It wasn't aimed at me, like in traditional usage, but is just an example of the bingo mentality I guess.

Another was when we showed up at my SIL's b4 xmas with gifts for their family, they didn't have anything for us. Whatever. There have been some family tensions this year, so it was a weird visit. Anyway, we're sitting around talking and apparently she was feeling self conscious about how many gifts were under their tree, and said, "I had to buy so many gifts for our friends' kids. These are all for them. We have like 25 good friends who all have 2 kids. It's crazy."

I agreed that did seem crazy, but what do you say? I don't remember getting showered with gifts from my parents' friends for the holidays. But maybe my parents didn't have such an enormous social network as she seems to have.

My husband said, "Well, Christmas is for the children" and everyone nodded in agreement. We both tried to be cheerful after the visit, but couldn't help feeling like we'd been kicked in the stomach.

If someone says something like that, you know it must be central to their thought process regarding kids. Either why they had them, or how they justify and console themselves.

I like buying for my nieces and nephews - I really do. And I even made some jewelry for my niece. I know someone else on this board said they did the same. But it is another way we are devalued. We aren't children, so we aren't worthy of gifts. WTF. But in some ways it's easier b/c we don't have to buy for SIL and BIL.

My parents friends never bought us gifts either.

BIL and SIL went on our wedding cruise with us, and their kids were in our wedding. Well, they gave us a pewter dish as our gift. And then they said being there was their gift to us. Again, entitled - we are allowed to spend all of our money on our kids, and not to have money for anything else. But it's a given that we will continue to shower their kids with attention/gifts/etc.

AND, we found out my MIL paid for their family to go on our wedding cruise. I was FUMING. She gave us a generous wedding gift, but it would have been nice if she treated us to the cruise since we were the ones getting married! If you are that destitute, be an adult and stay home. WTF. And, saying being there was their gift is BS bc they didn't even pay their own way. I can't stand people that don't pay their own way. It really pushes my buttons.

One of my mom's friends bought me stuff for Christmas because she considered me the daughter she never had (had two boys) but she was the only one. And I had to write thank-you notes whenever anyone not related to us gave me a present.

I don't like the idea that Christmas is for the children. Whatever!

And as far as people with kids being treated differently, well, my in-laws got my SIL a bunch of baby stuff for Christmas (due in Feb) and her husband got a bunch of golf stuff. DH and I got a Star Wars pop-up book, a Star Wars ornament, a Boris and Natasha DVD (we don't even like them) and a buffet chafing dish-thing. What was the one grown-up thing we got there?

I really want them to stop getting us cartoons/Star Wars/etc.

I know DH is into that stuff, but I want US to buy it ourselves. I feel like they think of us as children because we like that stuff.

Oh, I meant to reply to the other posts. Sorry! Happy, I think it's ridiculous that BIL and SIL went on the cruise and MIL paid for it! If she was going to pay for anyone, it should have been the bride and groom! How frustrating for you!

And Frieda, why on earth does SIL feel the need to buy for so many kids? When we go to DH's side of the family (his dad is one of 8 kids) we give the presents to the parents, not the kids, although we did make ornaments for the great-grandchildren this year since we were making them for my nephews, too.

I've never gotten just the kids something for Christmas, I always have something for the parents, and something little for the kids. The world should not revolve around them!

That is the same question we were asking. I have no idea. I can't remember ever seeing them do that before. I know she does have a lot of friends, and maybe they all give her kids presents so they feel obligated. Yet another reason having kids is so expensive, if you're that way. We occasionally give our friends' kids presents, like if we're going to their house for dinner right around the kids' b-day or Christmas. I can't help but harbor a tiny hope that it will keep them entertained which might give the parent the gift of a break of constantly finding entertainment. That "what now?" question drives me insane.

I think that buying doohickeys for so many people just makes it harder for people who are not so well off. Is everyone supposed to be doing that? Is there any consideration for what this is doing to the environment? If everyone bought 50 plastic toys for their 25 best friends' kids, what an orgy of waste! It makes me sick. Is it yet another mommy war competition? It reeks of that to me.