Bad Behaviour LONG, sad, happy ending though

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Bad Behaviour LONG, sad, happy ending though #361473 12/23/07 11:49 AM
Joined: May 2007 Posts: 476 Athena_Marina OP Gecko
OP Athena_Marina Gecko Joined: May 2007 Posts: 476	I watched a "real life" tv program today about an out of control child when they got a child psychologist involved and yes the child improved but also note how the mother had no maternal instinct at all. It's long, sad at times, but quite revealing. I wrote down some of the things from it: Bad Behaviour Seven year old Georgia is a child out of control. After six years of terrible behaviour her parents have decided to put her into care. But what is the real cause of her bad behaviour? Mum: ï¿½Why does anybody have a child? Why? Itï¿½s just bloody hard work. If youï¿½ve got the love there it isnï¿½t hard work but to me all it was is bloody hard work; inconvenience, mess, noise, expense, curtailment of our social life, enjoyment, our freedom, for WHAT?!ï¿½ Kid screams, throws things. Mum: ï¿½Every single thing from the moment she opens her eyes in the morning till the moment she goes to bed is a fight.ï¿½ Mum and dad try to put the girl to bed she goes but screams ï¿½I wanna go downstairs. Mummyï¿½s horrible, mummyï¿½s horrible.ï¿½ She was expelled from her first Nursery at the age of 2 and a half. Five play groups and six childminders later, her parents sought a medical explanation for her behaviour. Mum: ï¿½Weï¿½ve had brain scans done, blood tests, sheï¿½s had a psychiatric assessment, sheï¿½s been to various behavioural therapists.ï¿½ Nothing conclusive showed up and Fred and Diane feel increasingly isolated. Mum says there is no one they can call who will help and then ï¿½Theyï¿½ve got the flaming nerve to say you were witnessed smacking your child. ï¿½I just want it removed. I canï¿½t say killed cos noone can kill someone. We had a chance to kill it when it was a foetus. We had a good chance and donï¿½t you think we say that time and time again.ï¿½ Dad: ï¿½We find it very difficult to be warm and loving to a child who tends to want to destroy you.ï¿½ [Voice wavers as he says this, like he is trying not to cry.] In November 2002, Fred and Diane had had enough. Dad: ï¿½I rung Social Services and said Well look, somethingï¿½s gotta happen. Iï¿½m gonna get a heart attack and the kid will be without her dad or sheï¿½ll have to go into care.ï¿½ Mum: ï¿½At that moment, that was the solution. Out of face, out of mind, out of sight FREEDOM.ï¿½ While they waited for a response from Social Services, Fred made one last attempt to find an alternate. [looking online.] He found a retired teacher, Warrick Dyer Mum: ï¿½He asked how do you feel about your daughter to which I replied at this moment I HATE her.ï¿½ Warrick: ï¿½You created this child that behaves in this way so donï¿½t blame her for it, itï¿½s not her fault.ï¿½ Mum: ï¿½If the problem is with us, then why have so many other adults not been able to manage her?ï¿½ Georgina gets 30pence a day and each time sheï¿½s naughty she loses a penny. She is as uncooperative as ever. Thereï¿½s always been conflict between Dian and Georgina. The relationship was difficult from the start. Dian was 30 and immersed in her career. She unexpectedly found she was pregnant. Fred already had two grown up children from his first marriage. At 52 he wasnï¿½t sure about starting again. But Dian had high hopes of motherhood. Mum: ï¿½I wanted a child. Fred said Oh, sleepless nights, do you really want all this, my time of life. Iï¿½m determined, I didnï¿½t want to know! And then of course we had a premature baby, didnï¿½t we? At 32 weeks, special care baby unit. Thatï¿½s the route of all my problems, cause Iï¿½d been used to working with computers or paper and files and I was in control. Push this button, thatï¿½s whatï¿½s gonna happen. With a baby it was Oh, what does that noise mean? What do I do now? It made feel as if we were doing it all wrong,ï¿½.the worst night of my life was when I was in a room in the hospital with her and theyï¿½d disconnected all the machines. And I thought Oh my God, I donï¿½t want to go to sleep because supposing she stops breathing! Then when I brought her home and she cried I thought Iï¿½ve fed you Iï¿½ve changed you, youï¿½re crying I donï¿½t know what to do! I had to ask Fred to help cause heï¿½d raised two kids on his own but for me they didnï¿½t come natural.ï¿½ Seven years on, parenting still doesnï¿½t come natural to Dianne. But she and Fred are hoping behaviour expert Warren Dyer will help them. The parents have to control their anger and not shout at Georgina but use the one penny sanction instead. She gets a warning followed by a fine. Children and parents must be polite. After three days thereï¿½s no change in Georginaï¿½s behaviour. Despite the lack of progress Warrickï¿½s optimistic. Day 6: Georginaï¿½s behaviour has been so bad that having friends round is a rare occurrence. Mum: ï¿½Bit by bit all other parents have chosen NOT to let their children mix with Georgina.ï¿½ Warrick (pysch) ï¿½Your daughter doesnï¿½t feel loved. You can count on it.ï¿½ She canï¿½t make friends. Sheï¿½s not very pleasant to be with. Today is the first day things are starting to work. Georgina throws up her gloves and I (mum) say ï¿½Georgina, Iï¿½m asking you very nicely will you please pick up your gloves. And she did, instantly.ï¿½ Mum yawns. She says ï¿½So far, so good. I hope she doesnï¿½t scare her friends away and then sheï¿½s the little lonely girl in the playground with no friends. As was I.ï¿½ Fred: (dad) ï¿½Dianne hasnï¿½t got the maternal instincts that I would have expected a mother to have. Sheï¿½s not able to easily give cuddles. I mean she can show affection to an animal more so than to a human. Mum ï¿½I get touched to see how she plays with her baby dolls, she tucks all her toys in bed.ï¿½ Someone asks mum ï¿½Donï¿½t you normally kiss your daughter good night?ï¿½ and she replies no. ï¿½I donï¿½t know, if I give into emotions and the flood gates are open Iï¿½d never be able to stop. I have 38 years of pent up emotions.ï¿½ Dad (not in a horrible tone just casually asking) ï¿½Why is it you can be affectionate towards an animal but not a child?ï¿½ Dianne (mum) ï¿½I donï¿½t know. Yeah, I do know. Cause an animal canï¿½t answer you back.ï¿½ Pauses to stroke the cat. She kisses Georgina who is sleeping good night, she hasnï¿½t done this since Georgina was a baby. Dad (Fred) hugs mum and she sobs, hugging him back. Then mum says ï¿½A childï¿½s innocence is a lovely image and then you see the you know, ï¿½Iï¿½m gonna make your life hell.ï¿½ You got the two extremes. Sheï¿½s gonna grow up with no happy memories just us screaming and shouting the whole time.ï¿½ Dad: ï¿½We have the power to change that now, havenï¿½t we.ï¿½ Mum: ï¿½I hope so.ï¿½ TWO WEEKS LATER The child psychologist has encouraged Dianne to show more affection to Georgina. She has a tantrum (stamping her foot and saying no, I donï¿½t want to etc) cause she doesnï¿½t want to put on her pyjama pants on. Dad: ï¿½Iï¿½m going to take a penny away.ï¿½ Georgina: ï¿½Iï¿½m going to put these on so you donï¿½t have to ask me again.ï¿½ Mum: ï¿½Yes, say I will do it daddy.ï¿½ Georgina hisses at her. Mum: ï¿½What was that for, Georgina?ï¿½ Georgina: ï¿½Youï¿½re getting on my NERVES!ï¿½ WEEK THREE They get a bit complacent. Fred (Dad) is sloppy about the money. They let something bad go cause she did something else good and Fred says ï¿½I havenï¿½t got change. Hereï¿½s a pound.ï¿½ (Thatï¿½s $2 USD, approx, remember she was only meant to get up to 30 pence a day which is about 60 pennies US) The child psychologist, Warren is NOT happy! Tells them they need to have the money available or itï¿½s almost a crime (!) and it will fail. TWO DAYS LATER They are paying the price for it. While making demands I want this please, I want that, she swings something clacking around and dad says nicely that she should give them to him. Georgina pulls them away from him and whines ï¿½I had them FIRST.ï¿½ Shouts ï¿½PLEASE CAN I HAVE CRISPSï¿½ (UK word for potato chips.) Mum: ï¿½Back to square One are we.ï¿½ Dad ï¿½Up to bed.ï¿½ Georgina pushes away. Psych says tell her if you eat the crisps X is going to happen. Dad ï¿½She was just asking for one thing after another.ï¿½ Georgina ï¿½Give me!ï¿½ Dad: ï¿½Youï¿½ve had your strawberry milk.ï¿½ Georgina ï¿½No, no!ï¿½ Dad ï¿½Goodnight.ï¿½ Georgina: ï¿½I want crisps! I want them. No!ï¿½ Mum and dad go out and Georgina gets out of bed and opens the door! Dad ï¿½Get into bed please. Iï¿½ll tuck you in.ï¿½ Georgina ï¿½I want Simpsons please.ï¿½ Dad: ï¿½Bit late for Simpsons.ï¿½ Georgina: ï¿½NO!ï¿½ Dad kisses her goodnight. WEEK FOUR, TWO DAYS BEFORE GEORGINAï¿½S BIRTHDAY [So theyï¿½ve had not seven but nearly eight years of this!] Dad: ï¿½Weï¿½ve sent some invitations. Several people have said theyï¿½re busy or itï¿½s too far. Iï¿½m not sure if itï¿½s cause Iï¿½m an older parent. The excuses seem strange. Georgina seems to find it difficult to make friends, Iï¿½ve noticed she seems to have caught up on occasion with her school associates and they seem to walk faster to get away from her. Sad really.ï¿½ Georgina screams at her mum. Mum: ï¿½No television.ï¿½ Georgina: ï¿½NO!ï¿½ Tonight Dianne is tired and has lost her temper. The pysch says children must always be given a warning BEFORE the punishment. Mum keeps saying ï¿½Iï¿½ll take away a present. And Father Christmas doesnï¿½t have to come here.ï¿½ Dad: ï¿½Leave her alone, come out, donï¿½t keep winding her up.ï¿½ Georgina screams. Mum: ï¿½Father Christmas.ï¿½ Warren (Psychologist) ï¿½Now youï¿½ve started sanctioning ordinary child behaviour. [THIS is ordinary child behaviour?] Fred and Dianne look back at Georgina aged four on video. Crying, playing up and mum ignoring her. Georgina puts her hand on her mumï¿½s lap and mum still ignores her. WEEK FIVE Parents sing happy birthday to Georgina. There is a cake, cards etc. She blows out her candle. She has been very good and gets all 30 pennies. She says (Georgina) she was polite and good at school and asked mummy to do her milk kindly and thatï¿½s why. (True.) Mum gives her a cuddle. Dianne (mum) says if she or her brother was naughty they were spanked with a carpet stick [whatever that is!] and she lost her temper. I donï¿½t want to go there. Iï¿½ve got to remember, thereï¿½s nothing wrong with my daughter. Three months ago things were so bad with Georgina her parents wanted her taken into care. Week 12 There is one battle ground left: Georgina hates having her hair brushed or combed and wonï¿½t do her own. Week 13: Georgina: ï¿½Iï¿½ve got scruffy hair daddy.ï¿½ Lets him brush it. Mum ï¿½Pull your trousers up, Georgina.ï¿½ Georgina blows a raspberry. Mum: ï¿½Do you want to lose a penny?ï¿½ Georgina turns on the TV with the remote and says ï¿½Iï¿½ve already lost a penny.ï¿½ Mum: ï¿½Right, do you want to lose another one?ï¿½ Will you please stand up and pull up your pants. Georgina does so ï¿½Oh for GODï¿½S SAKE!ï¿½ Later on, dad plays a piano, mum and Georgina play and giggle. Week 15. Georgina smiles with a snow man. Week 16: How will you say itï¿½s been going? Mum: ï¿½Slowly but on the up.ï¿½ Four months since the start her social life is improving and she has an appointment with the person who originally prescribed Ritalin. Dad says she has only two tantrums a month now! She brushes her own hair and the teacher says generally speaking there has been quite an improvement. Most nights she gets her money, some days she gets to keep it all, other days she loses some. Georgina brushes her own hair ï¿½My mum will be proud of me.ï¿½ Psychologist says ï¿½Itï¿½s all down to your hard work. Itï¿½s leaps and bounds.ï¿½ Dad: ï¿½When do we start on the wife?ï¿½ After seven months Mum: ï¿½Itï¿½s frightening to think seven months ago we had a child we detested and wanted Social Services to take her away. I look at her now and I want to make her happy and secure and have happy childhood memories. I wouldnï¿½t give her away now.ï¿½ Two years later Georgina is doing well at home and going to start secondary school I leave the child-rearing to people who feel called to it. I've never felt that call.

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