BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Where does parent end and grandparent begin?

Where does a mother's responsibility end and a grandmother's begin? My mother gave birth to me when she was 17 yrs old. Her sister gave birth to my cousin, A 5 months prior to that. My grandmother babysat my cousin and I while our mothers finished school. When they both married and moved out, she thought her child rearing days were over. But A moved in with my grandmother when she was in high school.

A is now 24 and still lives with my grandmother. She has 2 daughters, ages 1 & 3. My grandmother is 62 years old and works full-time. A works part-time in the evenings, so she's at home all day. But because she can't cook, she wait on my grandmother to come home from work and prepare dinner for her and her children. My grandmother then babysits the kids while A goes to work. The little girls are very rambunctious and my grandmother is constantly yelling at them. Which can't be good for her health.

A's mom helps out with the kids when she can, but her career keeps her busy. A actually complains that her mother doesn't help out enough, but how much help can be expected from a grandparent?

I don't understand it. My grandmother raised 4 children of her own, and now she's expected to raise great grandchildren too. Why do so many parents think that just because they decided to have children, that the grandparents should feel obligated to take part in raising them?

This story really burns me up! Your grandmother is a saint. Of course she's yelling at them, she's way too old to be raising small children. And it wasn't her choice to have them.

Parents have such a sense of entitlement today, it's sickening! It's like they have the kids, then realize how hard it is, and try to guilt everyone else into helping with them.

I was friendly with a coworker years ago, and she had three kids and was living with her parents. She was 45! Her parents were constantly bitching about it, as well they should have been. They were in their 70s, and had three teenagers living in their house. My coworker had married an alcoholic, and of course that relationship fell apart. My coworker, instead of being at home with the kids as much as possible to avoid being an additional burden on her parents, was constantly hanging out at the bar trying to meet guys. She would try to get with guys in their 30s, and her oldest son was 16. It was a joke.

I knew several women in this situation. Another one moved back home with her parents. So her, her loser husband, and their FIVE kids moved back into her parents home! What a nightmare. It's so cliche with the divorce rate being what it is that so many Moms seem to move home to live with their own parents.

My sister has a 7YO, and she has literally said to me, "you only want to watch him when it's convenient for you." Well, yeah. Why should I inconvenience myself so she can party.

Have you talked to your parents about this? I'm guessing you don't get to spend a lot of quality time with your grandmother b/c she's too busy raising her great grandkids. It's the same way with me and my folks - my relationship with them sucks b/c they are so bitter and stressed out over raising their grandson. It SUCKS!

Young and incapable women should be encouraged to give their babies up for ADOPTION! There is no happy ended to this situation. It isn't good for the kids!

I raised 4 of my 11 grandchildren and held down a full time job. I still have the eldest (22) living with me. They are all great kids and we have created some wonderful memories. But there are times when I do feel that my life was hijacked.

There are things I would have loved to do but didn't have the time or money because raising 4 kids is expensive and time consuming. And no, I am not bitter I am just doing those things (like travel) later in life.

More and more women these days think its okay just to expect their mothers to take over, and why do the grandmothers do it - because they love their grandkids and want to protect them and give them the best start in life they can.

Grandparents raising the grandchildren is becoming so much a part of our society. Every time I go out I run into an old work mate who retired only to take on the job of being a full time mum again.

Benni
www.only-cookware.com

I got custody of my grandson shortly after he was born (my daughter son) hes 23yrs old now and still lives with me. I would do it agin if i had to

Wow, Benni, you are a kind grandmother. My Mom only has one grandchild, but she is raising him. God knows how long he will be with my parents.

I am from the Philadelphia area originally, and there are a lot of grandmothers there that are raising grandchildren. It's fairly common, and it's really unfair. I very rarely have to ask my parents for anything, and I only ask for help (like when DH and I were moving) when we really need it. But other people don't have a problem with continuously burdening their parents. I know it's complicated, b/c you love the grandkids, and want to make sure they are okay. It isn't easy to say no, or to walk away from your grandkids. I admit that I had a hard time moving to FL with my new husband even though I've always wanted this. I really love my nephew, though, and he's back in PA.

I'm sorry that you are in this position. I'm sure you grandson does give you a lot of joy, as you said. But I agree with you that this is a trend. In our neighborhood, it's due to young girls getting pregnant and nonexistent fathers. But then there are the women that did marry the fathers of their children, but picked poor fathers, and end up moving back home, too. I also think people don't even consider adoption anymore when they find themselves pregnant and unequipped to parent. It's a bad situation. I don't know how it can be improved, though?

Benni and Skyhaven, I commend you both for taking care of your grandchildren. It was probably an easy decision because of the love you have for your grandchildren. It's sad that so many parents take the love of a grandmother for granted. I hope your children realize how fortunate they are to have you as their mothers.