BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids pets ARE family!

Just to warn you, this is going to be a longer post!

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We got our first dog, a beagle named Copper, right before we were married. We moved to Texas from Colorado and ended up taking in a stay dog. We had to move a year later and Copper and Harley got loose from the yard and only Copper came back. We like to think that Harley was a Texas dog and didn't want to leave:) Anyway, Copper was depressed and not doing well without Harley, and even though we were moving in 5 months and not knowing where we were going yet (we are in the military) we bought Penny, another beagle. Copper and Penny are a pair and are the best of friends and they are our family.

They have been with us on every move, including our moves to Germany and Korea. Copper has had many health issues since he was six and we always thought he would be the first to go. Unfortunately, Penny has just been diagnosed with Lymphoma, a type of cancer affecting her lymph nodes. There is no cure, only chemo which can put her into remission and buy us more time. We are devastated. We cannot imagine our life without her and we are worried that Copper will not do well without her as well.

The reason for this post is because I have told family and friends about this and some of their reactions have bothered me. Most of them sympathetic, but do not understand how truly devastating this is for us. It seems to me that people who have kids and pets may consider their pets to "be like family", but in reality, their kids are more important and a dog is just a dog. I understand that human life is more valuable to most, but what bothers me is that no seems to understand that for us, Copper and Penny ARE family! We are going to lost a part of our family and there is no replacement for her.

Those of you who are pet owners are probably like me, you know in the back of your mind that they won't always be with us. But once you are faced with them being gone, it is so much tougher than we thought. Family and friends have tried to help by saying "Well, you will still have Copper" or " You can get a new puppy and that will make it better." No it won't. We still won't have Penny and Copper is losing his best friend. We can't replace Penny.

I know this is a long post and I could go on forever. I just wanted to write because I thought this would be the place to go to have others understand that pets are family, and not just "like" family. I just wish my family would understand.

Thank you for listening. I really appreciate it and I love knowing this site is here to draw strength from. All of you are great and this site is a life saver! I hope you all have a great weekend and a Happy Holiday season!

Our mini-dachshund Oscar is our baby. We rescued him 3 years ago when we think his age was about 6. He's been paralyzed in the back legs twice. All and all we've probably spent $15,000+ on his care (I'm sure it's more.)

Friends think we're crazy. And say things like, "If you had children . . ."

I was looking at all the grey he's getting and thinking about what a tremendous joy he's been in our life.

My heart breaks for you! Know that you and Penny are in our thoughts. I know as difficult as it may seem, you'll always do what's right for her. Hug her and let her know she's done a great job taking care of her family. I cry for you just writing this.

~Sharon

Hi doglover!

I really feel for you and your family...
Pets are not just like a family they give so much love and support! I think they often feel more for you and your moods than children can.

We have three cats... and we really love them, they are part of our "family of two" - so we are actually 5??? ;-)

We can't imagine a life without them and I would never devote them for a child.

One year ago our cat "B�rli" had an accident with a car...the vet said that he wasn't sure if he can save B�rlis leg and he asked us if we want to euthanize him...
I was really shocked...
Now B�rli is healthy again (with his 4 legs) and we are so happy to have him in our family!

Best wishes
Juli

It frustrates and angers me that people, upon hearing of your impending loss, would say something like, "If you had children . . ."

If I could actually refrain from saying something blatant like, "You heartless, self-inflating beeyotch," it would be a miracle.

I feel your you, doglover. I have lost a couple of dogs in my life and a couple of cats, too (few mice, two birds, and a partridge in a pear tree...la-la-la), but each loss doesn't get easier. If you have never visited www.rainbowbridge.com, I recommend it, especially after your dog passes. It's a wonderful place to go for understanding and compassion.

Hey doglover,
I totally feel where you're coming from. My husband is in the military too and we have 2 cats. They've been with us for pretty much the whole time we've been married. With him being gone so much, they keep me company and literally from being so lonely. Most people don't understand because a lot of people in the military have loads of kids, but the husband and I don't want kids. I'm sorry you're dog is sick! I would be absolutely devastated too.

I am so sorry doglover. I've lost 3 beloved dogs in my life, and it is terrible. Our current dog lost her best friend, so I sympathize completely about that. For me that was almost the hardest part, because it's hard to know how to console a dog, and of course you can't explain it, and it's awful to see them sad.

I had people say upsetting things to me too after I've lost a pet.

You need to grieve. I'm sorry people are being so inconsiderate.

I am so sorry that the furry members of your family are not well. My husband and I just said goodbye to our cat of 19 years. Our pets give so much unconditional love. It is hard to watch them grow old or sick. Copper and Penny are blessed to have you in their lives.

Doglover - I know exactly what you're going through - I send you cyber hugs...
I feel sorry for people who have never connected with a cat, dog, sugarglider, rabbit, whatever ....they are missing out in a big way.
My life has been enriched by all of my pets.
My sister is a vet so I hear all sorts of amazing stories - she says you can never really predict how people will react - some are devastated and will do anything for their pets - others opt for euthanasia if it means spending money or inconvenience in their lives.
She told me recently about a couple with 3 small children who have taken out a personal loan to pay for surgery for their adored Labrador - the kids have all offered their pocket money and have sent home-made "Get Well" cards - the parents told my sister that they want their kids to love, value and respect animals and to understand the meaning of responsibility.
I have lots of stories like that.....but I also, remember the wealthy couple with two kids that decided they didn't want to pay for their cat's surgery - $500 was too much to spend "on a cat".
And the pensioners that pay off their vet bills rather than lose their pets or the lady that has spent $2000 on treatment for her rabbit....
Some people think its excessive or even ridiculous to pay for chemo or surgery for your pet.
I disagree - we work for our money and its our business how we choose to spend it - my pets are treated like any other member of the family.
One of our cats died from lymphoma - he received chemotherapy for 12 months - and they were happy, symptom-free months - he died suddenly and peacefully at home.
It's hard to consider euthanasia and even more difficult, to find the right time.
One of our cats was "put to sleep" at home by my sister - he had kidney failure so there was no hope - we didn't want him to suffer so decided we had to end his life.
Our beautiful cat was sleeping in front of the fire when my sister gave him the injection - he didn't move at all - it was such a peaceful end.
My sister carried our other cat into the room - he sniffed and licked his best friend before walking away - my sister feels this helps with understanding and acceptance. We agreed - he seemed to know...
I hope Penny's treatment works well and she is happy and comfortable for as long as possible.
Rest assured - lots of us understand....

I might end up sounding like a jerk here...don't intend to.

I am CF and in love with my pets, I have over a dozen between the reptiles, fish, dog, and cat. I love them all. But if one of my animals was diagnosed with a debilitating disease, i would probably have them humanely put down. I know that sounds cruel, and trust me I would be crying when it happened. But I would still do it. To me, I feel that putting one of my "kids" through any type of painfull treatment is worse than the alternative. When you puppy of 14 years looks up at you, and doesn't understand why you are forcing him through a procedure (although it is intended to help him) my heart gets shattered. I have no way to explain to my puppy that hurting him right now will help him in the end. He doesn't understand. I almost feel like that is worse than letting go.

I am not speaking from past history here, so I don't have a real basis to stand from. I'm just saying what I feel that I would do in the situation, I won't ever really know until I get to that point.

But I do sympathize for the pain you are feeling, kids or no kids, my pets are my life. It would be as hard to lose one of my pets as a best friend..because they are my best friends.

Skeeter

I've got a story that's pretty relevant to your situation, doglover. Last year, my parents' 9 year old dog, who'd been with our family since she was a puppy, was diagnosed with lymphoma. My parents couldn't afford the chemo. The vet offered painkillers to buy some time. Mom went for it eagerly and the dog went on the pills the next day. They made her sick and miserable for days at a time. She had some good days, but she was gradually getting sicker and weaker. I was hearing all this by phone and email, great reports from Mom, subdued chats with Dad, and grumbling emails from my brother. The guys were saying it was time to let the dog go, but Mom wouldn't budge. She said there were still good days and that the dog was still happy.

This went on for a couple of months before I went to visit (around Christmas) for the first time since before the dog's diagnosis. She was weak, ill, and miserable. Her good nature and goofy personality were still in tact, but most of the time, she lacked the energy to even wag her tail with any vigor. Before I went home, I looked my Mom in the eye and told her in a firm voice not to wait too long. I told my brother it was already past time to let the dog go, but he said he couldn't talk Mom into it.

In the following months, Mom took to sleeping on the floor with the dog to shake her when her breathing weakened at night. She was carrying the animal into the yard to do her business and carrying her back to her cushion on the living room floor... where her food and water bowls had been moved because the poor dog had trouble getting all the way to the kitchen anymore. The crunchy food she'd always loved had been replaced with soft and wet food because chewing was growing difficult.

It was nearly four months after my visit that Mom finally gave in, after having made her beloved dog suffer needlessly for over half a year. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T WAIT TOO LONG!

A side note to those who have been reading about my little mommy-war: If you've done the math, you realize that putting the dog down (finally!) happened not terribly long before she picked that fight with me, less than 2 months, or there abouts. The precursor to our argument may have been the emotional strain of me pushing for her to let Stinky go (not her real name, I gave the dog that nickname when she was a pup) and my lack of sympathy for her delay. I made it clear I didn't think she was acting in the dog's best interests. I was uncharacteristically polite and gentle about it, because she was my dog, too. But I was still very clear about my feelings on the matter.