BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Reaching my limit

As some people are already aware of on this site, I am a nanny. Normally, I work between 40 and 50 hours a week, no weekends, and for the most part I feel I have a great balance between spending time with two children I enjoy and valuable relaxation every evening and weekend. I agreed to work a couple weekends for my boss this month and it's amazing to me how the extra time with the kids has proved so draining. It's like a little glimpse into full time parenthood and the most notable behavior changes I've noticed are:

-my normally healthy eating habits have suffered as I am more prone to grab something quick and less healthy
-Falling into bed by 9pm
-Nursing a headache for the last two hours
-Skimping on my workouts
-Feeling kinda bummed out because I miss my fiance who I won't get to spend time with (sans kids at least) until Monday.

None of this means I am intending to quit my job. As I've said before, I know how much "kid time" I enjoy and can handle and this has been an interesting little experiment in what happens when I extend myself over that. I'm not unkind to the kids or even angry, I'm just a faded version of myself. I look forward to when my schedule goes back to normal!

Do any of you work with children? Do you notice a signifigant difference in yourself when you work overtime as well?

Hi Runnergirl

Thanks for sharing this. I don't work with children so I can't specifically answer your question, but I do very emotionally and mentally demanding work in arts marketing. This has gotten more so over the last few years as I have reached a position of more seniority. I need those "spaces"- my weekends and wnything else I can grab - to recover and regroup. A couple of months ago I looked after my friend's kids for the weekend so I lost that re-group time and it made me think about how, when you are working and have kids, there is just no time (apart from late at night) when you can just stop and think or be alone. I know that I could definitely not be both a career woman and a parent without one suffering greatly, or just basically losing my mind.

That's a really astute way of describing it - "a faded version of yourself". That's what parenthood demands, I think, that your child's needs come first and you come second.

Feebee

Hi Runnergirl,
I found your post very interesting.
One of my husband's colleagues is married to a nanny - they are CF - we have lots in common - at conferences we always spend time together. I was delighted to hear they are moving to Melbourne in March.
I've had many long discussions with "F" (the wife) about her work.
"F" has lots of CF nanny friends - she said that she enjoys being around "her" kids but that's it - at the end of the day she wants her/our time - she also, said that she doesn't have a desire to have her own kids - those needs are met through her work. She feels she has the best of both worlds...
"F" has a 17 year old girl who writes to her and visits regularly - one of her first jobs was to live with this girls parents and help raise their daughter - and this is only one example - "F" is really a Mum to about 20 kids - of various ages. She said that most of her CF nanny friends feel the same way about having kids of their own - No, thanks.
I thought it sounded like a difficult and demanding job - particularly if you disagree with some of the parents decisions and conduct - lots of amazing stories - for example - the mother sneaking home during the day to have sex with her lover - "F" put on some music and danced with the 3 year old daughter to drown out the noise! Also, the mothers that start to resent the relationship/bonding between the child and nanny....that sounded really difficult.
So, I think your feelings sound perfectly normal - "F" has said that at 45 she has decided to wind back more and more - she has found that she has less patience these days and finds the full time care of young kids exhausting - she currently looks after 2 year old twins, 4 days a week and that's enough for her...