BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Newbie here! (In case you need some light reading)

Thanks to all for the warm welcome and support! Yep, I am crossing my fingers that maybe DH is more neutral on the issue - that he could go either way and would be happy to be CF.

Right now I am just focused on making it through the holidays without being interrogated by friends and family that we haven't seen in a while. I also feel like the more I learn, the better I can handle these situations.

Thanks again, everyone!

Hi EmilyJ,
Welcome to the forum.
Personally, I think having children is the BIG decision in any woman's life. Not career, marriage or anything else - you can get out of or change most other things - not parenthood.
It amazes me how casually many people approach the subject by just letting it happen or having them because others expect it.
I say "woman's life" because in most relationships the woman still has the day to day responsibility of raising the children not to mention the pregnancy and delivery.
It is your life that will change the most...
I think it has to be something YOU want....I can't help but think it's unwise to have kids for someone else.
Good luck with the talk - hope it goes well.

Hi Emily. I really related to the paragraphs you wrote above. I really get what you mean when you talk about your "inability to relate to the whole process." I can't imagine what is appealing about it, and when other people are excited about their pregnancies, I try to be happy for them, but I don't get it. I can't even remotely relate to why they are excited. I do think babies are adorable, and I know not all CFers feel that way, but I would never want to be responsible for one. Let the baby maniacs raise them, and I will hold one every once in a while. It's kind of like hot potato or Old Maid - I don't want to get stuck holding the baby! We should redo the Old Maid card game for CFers, and have a baby as the old maid. Too funny!

I feel like having kids is a sacrifice, too, and it would take me away from my passions. You know that career book entitled "Do what you love?" I think people should follow the same advice in their personal lives. I would HATE parenting, so I can't imagine why anyone would suggest I parent. Why would you want to spend 20 years of your life doing something you know you wouldn't like? And, most people aren't good at doing something they don't enjoy.

Welcome to the board! It's SO nice to talk to people that aren't obsessed with having and raising children.

The only reason I think babies are exciting is because it's like knowing that you're getting a new car but you have to wait SOOOO long for it to come home. :-)

They ARE fun. As long as they're not mine, and as long as they don't completely consume the mom.

That being said, I generally don't get excited about anyone having babies except my sister.

My husband thinks I'm a hypocrite because I think that having a baby would ruin my life, but I don't think my sister's life is ruined.

Well, that's because she had nothing going for her - no degree, no hobbies, no travel wishes, etc. I know that sounds really mean, but I love my sister to pieces, and that's just how it is with her. She's a fantastic mom, and having her kids has actually brought us closer. I used to see her once a year, and now we see each other at the very least, twice a month. Whereas with all my friends whom I was much closer to and saw twice a week, I haven't even seen them in months.

Yes, this explains my sister in law to a "T". While I appreciate her as a person, I just cannot understand how she never feels like there's more she might like to do. I mean, god forbid you do something for yourself once in a while! But she doesn't feel that way! Some people are born like that, I guess.

Yeah, my sister having kids has actually made her more interesting! And more fun to visit ...

Sounds like she's really happy! And I bet you're really looking forward to seeing them during the holidays. Very cool! That's really nice that you guys have such a great relationship

It's usually people like this who are the ones to say "I couldn't imagine my life without my children".

Agreed. She's never been exposed anything other than the world she's in. Based on her coldness and negativity toward me, I would guess she might want to say something like, "Look at me, I got married at 18, had a child immediately and now another one on the way. Look at everything I have to show for my life and you have nothing."

Ah ha! But exactly the opposite!! I am completely happy and striving for MORE. I will not settle. There's this martyr mentality that permeates all of my in-laws. It's really strange to me. Have kids - work meaningless jobs - complain about life, yet put on an act that they are better than DH and I. Wacky, I tell ya!! is it such a crime that I am happy and want to continue living that way!??

And I won't even go into the amount of questioning we get from the one niece (7 years old). All I can say is, she doesn't just learn to ask questions like that on her own...too bad that parents have to negatively influence their kids and not allow them to develop an open, free-thinking mind.

But yes, I am sure that she "can't imagine her life w/o children."