BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Need advice regarding a stupid baby shower

Hi all! I know it's been awhile, but once school started back up I feel like I barely have time to breathe(especially this year-I have 23 annoying 6-7 year olds. Everyone of them has something unlikable about them! 10 years and I've never had this before!).

Here's where I need help. I was invited to a baby shower of an aquaintence. We went to their wedding a year ago and actually had more ties to the husband's parents. Work has been so awful, that by the time I got around to RSVPing I realized the shower had passed! I wasn't going to go anyway. The last shower I went to made me want to vomit. Grown women oohing and ahhing over a breast pump!

The grandfather-to-be has already turned down my DH's offer to go to a show with him and I'm wondering if it's my fault. This family doesn't know I'm CF. They might think we can't have kids and I wouldn't feel comfortable going. Should I let it go or send a gift to the mom-to-be or what? If I send a gift what should I say?

Thanks for any advice you can give.

HA! It's not just me! The kids in my gymnastics classes are awful, too!

I have been in similar situations with the baby shower. What I would do is give the mom a call. Tell her you're so sorry you didn't RSVP, but you would like to send her a gift. Then I would include a gift card.

But that is just me, I'm not Miss Manners! That might not be the proper thing to do if you consult an etiquette book!

I think you might be reading a little too much into the grandfather not going to the show - he might have just already had plans.

But it's perfectly acceptable to send a gift and just say that your work has been so crazy, that you had confused the date and it slipped past. This also happens to people.

It is definitely not as bad as if you HAD RSVPd, and then not shown up. Since you never gave the RSVP, they wouldn't have been expecting you anyway.

sounds like you need a different job. If you feel this strongly about kids what are you doing in a class room? the kids will be able to tell you don't like them and it will effect their performance and whether they like school. Grade 1 is a vital year. You sound as though you've reached burn out and after 10 years teaching I can understand that, I would too. Maybe a career change is in order.

I agree, if you didn't RSVP then no one expected you. As well if you weren't all that close to the mom to be its not a huge deal not to go. As for the Grandfather, guys are not like that, they don't care about stuff like that..... now if it were the grandma to be that would be a different story. Anyway if you ever do end up pregnant and want to ooooh and ahhh over a brest pump, don't expect anyone to be oooohing and ahhhhing with you. It's in the hormons, you can't help it and anything that gets the kid off the breast is something to ohhh and ahh over, trust me.

I realize you have choosen not to have kids, and considering your comment on all the kids in your class, it is probably the right decision for you. But someone who has choosen to have a child has the right to ooooh and ahhhh over whatever she wants to. If you want someone to respect your choice you need to respect theirs. And by calling it a stupid baby shower, isn't respecting anything.

ouch! Carennedy! I dont think she ment to put down anyone! I know alot of teachers who would agree that kids in there classes now are a handful and there is something to dislike about them all. (its called uncareing parents that dont make them mind!) and I dont think she was makeing a catty remark about all moms to be. but as for me I dont have kids either and it does get a little bit over the top! I can only take so much remenicing over the joy of labor pains and soar nipples! That and the When are you going to have a bundle of joy?? and everyone trying to tell me how wonderful it is to me a mom and how my life must such because i dont have any.... then it goes from that to you are so selfish not to have kids.....

I avoid them too! I love kids but its the atmoshere of most showers that I dont like. I also avoided Wedding showers before i got married because of the your nothing with out a man additude...

anyways my point is I dont think she was slaping anyone she was just makeing a comment on why she didnt want to go and why she forgot the date.

Whoa Carennedy! Her comments about how tough her job is at the moment were a precursor to her post, explaining why she hadn't posted recently. Someone should be able to be free to let off steam about their job without being given a lecture about how they should change careers!



Please allow someone to share their concerns with fellow CF people in a safe CF environment (the only place many of us can vent) without having judgement put on them. Her point was about what she should do etiquette-wise.

i agree that CF people need a safe haven to vent. i for one don't have many people i can do that with and i know a lot of you don't either.if you dont' like the comments made here then don't go on this site. i'm not being mean about it either.i i wouldn't go on a conservative christian site for ex. b/c i know i would get riled up.

i can understand the baby shower thing.i've said it before and i'll say it again that it's one of the things i really dread the most. i'm married and i really don't even care too much for wedding showers. i'm just not one of those girly type women that get into that stuff.it's just me and i don't want anyone to be offended. it's just how i feel. the last wedding shower i went to was well over a yr. ago for one of my BFF.it was so over the top with everyone oohing and ahhing about marriage. granted i've been happily married for over 9 yrs. but i never looked at it like the end all of my life.it's just one facet of it and i never felt like i had to get married or i was incomplete without it. i'm saying all this b/c the "parent" who commented on how disrespectful CF people are about baby showers is just ridiculous.i'm sure "some seasoned" parents also aren't too enthralled with them. been there done that kinda thing.


anyway, i think sending a gift and making a brief explanation is the way to go. i wouldn't go overboard explaining either. in the end it's probably not to big of a deal esp. since she's just an acquantance. lucky you that you didn't have to subject yourself to it!

indigo

I know three teachers, and every single one of them has days when they could strangle one of more of the kids, or run screaming from the room. I have no clue how they put up with it. Regardless of how you feel about kids, 20 of them yelling, disobeying, and playing up would test the patience of a saint. I'd dare anyone who comments about teachers to step into a classroom for a day, and see how they get on. Not game? Then shut the hell up.


You'd probably find a lot of the things that we do "frivolous" and "stupid", and wouldn't hesitate saying so, usually coupled with a "when you have kids, you won't be doing dumb stuff like that". So she called it stupid. I'd also call it stupid, and I avoid baby showers like the plague as well. Each to their own. It's a free country. And it's a CHILDFREE board.

Amen Pikasam!!!

It sucks when people show up mad and swinging over something so subjective...when someone is posting here for support. The last thing she wants or needs is bashing from a parent.

A lot of us are observing that "kids these days" are being disciplined less, coddled more, watching too much tv, and it's having an affect on their behavior. If parents can't handle hearing that, then don't read this site! And when they do, and they are soooooo defensive, it makes me think there is a reason they're so touchy. Bratty kids possibly? I've read one to many confessions on True mom confessions about mothers gladly handing off their hellions to the teacher so the mom can get a break from their out of control child. My sympathies, and much respect and admiration, to the teachers.

Carennedy, in response to your commenting on Yehonala's career choice, I agree with my "friends" here in the CF room. She was just blowing steam, which she's certainly entitled to do, especially in here, without a judgment being thrown on her career choice. Do you have kids? Then you'll have to admit that even your own kids have something unlikable about them (or risk sounding utterly unreasonable, as we view many parents). I've noticed that many of us CF'ers in here either teach kids or have taught them in the past, myself included. Just because I once wanted to wring two 8th-grade girls' necks for being so smart-alecky and trying to disrupt class doesn't mean I either don't like kids or that I was engaging in something I needed to rethink. Incidentally, those girls were promptly and sternly corrected, as were any other disruptions in my classroom, which I absolutely refuse to tolerate.

You know, Carennedy, I perhaps think CF'ers might make a great choice as educators, since we're a little more removed from children being around us all the time. We don't make many excuses for them, and we don't think they're God's little innocents who can act up and expect us to either think it's cute or just let it slide. Rather, many of us see them as small adults, able and willing to sponge information and take correction when delivered well.

Now, in response to Yehonala's original plea for suggestions, I think the phone call and gift card idea is perfect. No worries about the granddad-to-be or the fact that they don't know you're childfree. You wouldn't worry too much about a die-hard patriot finding out you own a foreign car, would you? It's just another preference in your private life.