BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence I need your opinions please

My departure from this relationship is now less then 2 wks away and I'm starting to get cold feet.
He's being really nice, which in turn is making me second guess myself but I know he plays head games.
It's sad because all of this is normal for me, 20+ yrs of abuse will do that to you.
All the abuse I've gone threw ...... god it feels so normal to be treated that way when it's all you've known for so many years, that you find yourself thinking this is what life really is like.
But I know deep in my heart that this isn't really living, even if he does make me feel that I'm crazy and what he doesn't isn't actually happening ....... that I'm only imagening it....
He's got me so screwed up right now that I'm questioning if leaving is the right thing even when I know it is.
This is a huge change and I'm ready for it, but then I wonder .........am I really?
The way I think seems so distorted sometimes but that's the way they work I guess...
Sorry for rambling......so what's your opinion?
I know I'm going to go, I have to, I want to.......but is what I'm feeling right now normal because honestly I'm not sure......I just think I'm nuts.....what do you think?

You're not nuts.

As bad as the relationship is, it is the only thing you have known; and you are getting ready to make a major change. Those kind of changes are scary for anyone.

but think about it like this...all kinds of change are scary: going to college, going on job interviews, starting a new job - and all of these things are GOOD things! So it is perfectly normal for something good to be scary - it is just because we humans like the familiar (even when the familiar is pretty [censored]).

Get out, know you are making the right decision, and know that your future is going to shine so much brighter from here on out.

I agree with Michelle. When I was getting my protection order after he beat me almost every day for a week, i hesitated. Was I doing the right thing? What if he changes and should I take him back? What if , what if, what if..... You aren't crazy, you aren't nuts, what you are going through is normal. Like you said, you go through so much abuse that you start to believe it is normal. You will be fine. Be strong!

I was just sitting here thinking about how absolutely terrified I am right now.
Thinking what his reaction is going to be when he realizes I'm gone for good and can't get a hold of me as I'm changing my cell phone number since he knows it.
He always gets to me and makes me feel bad when he cries, he's really good at making me feel guilty.
I'll be seeing my counselor tomorrow and discussing how I feel with her, I really look forward to talking to her because it's an outside opinion that I need to set me straight again.
I'd say right now I'm focusing to much on all of this and scareing myself to death, worrying what's going to happen but well I'm good at that...*vhs*
I will try to keep you posted on what goes on, wish me luck I've only got 11 more days to go.

You know, and old saying keeps comgin to mind (can't remember who said it, though...)



It is so natural for you to be scared right now, but you will be able to do this, and you will be so much better for having done it!

Lady Skye,

This phase will bring many questions in your mind. Keep strong and firm.

I know I am new here but I can give you one piece of insight. I left my ex dh over 3 yrs ago. ( May 3 2004 my birthday I will never forget). I got my two children broke into my own house while he was at work to get something for the kids to wear found my hidden set of car keys and ran. I stayed in a shelter for near a month before I was strong enough to venture out. Needless to say it was very nervewracking to go back to my hometown because I knew he was there. The courts set it up that he could see the kids on weekends IF he picked them up at the police station. We haven't seen him since May 26 2005. I think he learned that day no more. I was in a grocery store with my kids and he approached me asking when my oldest son's autism would go away. Which shows how ignorant he was. I told him it wasn't. At the same time my son got a worker and a friend of mine that was there. He went to punch and was laid out on the ground. Needless to say he stopped stalking me soon after that. I wish you the best of luck and if you EVER no matter time or day need a friend look me up on my yahoo or MSN names. I have a very large shoulder for people that have the courage to stand up and say enough is enough. I know it is scary and I know the what if's. I still have them and still scared. But I know now that the courts are on my side and he cannot touch me. Very good luck to you hun and if I can be of assistance look me up.