BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Just couldn't manage it

It's 5.30am and yet again (for the 3rd time in the last week) I am up early trying to catch up on my work. I'm transitioning into a new job and trying to finish up at my existing job. In arts marketing there are daily urgent deadlines no matter how hard you try to pre-plan. There are also evening events to attend at least once a week. Outside of work I seem to have endless things to do. It never seems to stop. Tax and budget things, housework and maintenance, family, keeping up with friends, social events and obligations, gardening, other projects like writing commissions, trying to get exercise and eat well, let alone hobbies like learning French which I am trying to do and want to do.

The last year I have felt so exhausted and at the moment I am feeling a bit desperate about it. I am trying to get enough sleep and time to just rest and relax, and cutting back as much as poss on social things, but there always seems to be some obligation or another,or something that HAS to be done.

If we had gone down the track of having a child a couple of years ago - how would I have coped? How do parents with 2-3 kids manage all this? One of my new colleagues in my new job has 2 kids and she and her husband are both in high powered marketing jobs. Another new colleague has just come back to a full time job 3 months after her baby was born. She has to drop her baby off at its grandparents early in the morning, express milk all day apparently (yikes) and have a killer routine that never waivers just in order to do it all.

Feeling the way I have felt lately, I don't know HOW I could do it even if I wanted to.

Even without children my life is completely packed full to the degree I am feeling overwhelmed at times.

And these early mornings this last week have been so challenging for me. If I were woken up several times a night every night on an ongoing basis, I think I would actually have a breakdown.

I hear you, FBGB!

I'm actually considering cutting back to part-time at the school where I teach. Part-timers make a lot more per hour of teaching time, don't have to do all the "extras" (weekend duty, meetings, committees, etc., etc., etc.). I would go back to private teaching --- I miss my flute studio so much --- which is also pretty lucrative.

My hubby and I are number-crunching right now, seeing how it would work (he's a city letter carrier, with the attendant excellent Federal bennies --- which is what allows me to be thinking along these lines in the first place).

Been missing you guys. As to why I haven't been here, well...see above. Hope to remedy this soon! I've got to give my school notice by January or February if I plan on changing my status.

Hi Bonsai

(Having quick break from my work - now 6.45am!)

So nice to get your empathy and to know others feel the same way and are going through the same thing. I totally support you going part-time with the teaching. My close friend is a teacher and she spends hours and hours on the admin and reports and extras.

I love stories of people who cut back on working to have more life. Aren't we lucky that without children we have the choice?

In a couple of years I want to do exactly that - go freelance and work fewer hours. DH is also talking about going down to 4 days per week. We have to save like crazy the next couple of years to pay off some mortgage etc and build up a bit of a fund. I am so excited about that next stage! It keeps me going when the alarm goes off at 5.30am.

I have friends who had kids at aged 40-ish (she is same age as me) and they have 20-plus years of working like demons ahead of them to support them. The thought makes me feel panicked and physically ill.

OK, back to it....

FeeBee

I've been there....it's really tough. A couple of years ago, I was working full-time, going to school part-time, and we were building a house. My job is also the kind that isn't exactly 9 to 5. There's a lot of commitments and social obligations that go with it. I was also committed to getting my workouts in, and maintaining my friendships. So when my time was scheduled to the hilt like that and people had the audacity to ask me, "why don't you want kids?" I'd try my best not to choke them. I love my life as it is, and at that moment, it couldn't get any fuller.

I've cut things back a lot. The house is built, I got my degree, and I put a few limits on some of the work stuff. Unfortunately, I haven't even been as consistent with my workouts. Still, I want my time for me, my DH, and my dear friends and existing family. I don't need any more obligations or commitments.

BONSAI! We've missed you!!!

My job would be impossible if we had children - I'm often overseas and interstate - my husband and I often co-ordinate our business trips but even so, I've been away for 10 weeks this year.
I'm working in Sydney this week.
I decided to branch out on my own about 8 years ago - without the financial responsibility of children it was an easier decision.
Things have gone well and I now take about 6 weeks leave every year - we're talking about winding back further in 5 years or so. I doubt we'll ever actually retire (until we have to) - just wind back more and more. Basically, we work because we want to - not because we have to.
I love the stimulation and challenge of work and I'm most efficient when I'm very busy. I do take time out now and enjoy a long bath after work, a massage or time to myself.
At certain points in an investigation we all run on adrenaline and really don't notice that we're having dinner at 10pm.
I know I'll miss the mental gymnastics and the "rush" that comes from my work when I finally have to retire...

Elise! Hi! We have really been missing you!

I simply couldn't do it. I changed jobs a few weeks back to get myself into a slightly better financial situation and a much happier work situation, but right now, I'm working constantly. And I'm exhausted.

In addition to more hours than I'm used to (I generally work part time because of my knee problems), I'm spending the first few hours of every evening sitting (to ease the pain) and the stressed out little depression I suffered in my last month or two at my old job left me way behind on my housekeeping. So the little time I have off lately is being spent recuperating and cleaning... not to mention another round of "honey, I shouldn't have to ASK you to help with the housework" going on.

I'm so tired and overwhelmed right now that a friend (who has also been working insane hours) and I have been trying to schedule a single evening together for over three weeks. Right now we're looking at next Saturday... barring more work.

I physically couldn't handle a child on top of work and housekeeping. One busy month like this AND a munchkin running around would have me hooked on pain killers.

<blush>

Same here! Missed you guys!

Haven't been here since the summer. My problem with this forum is that if I'm here, I'm HERE...as in, I read everything. I have a hard time just doing "a little"...

Myra, I feel the same way right now. I certainly don't work as much as you do, because I'm part-time, but my hours are all over the place. Some days I don't work at all, but more often, I have a 12-hour day. Except not all 12 hours are work. I'll work 3 hours at this job, have two hours off, then work 6 hours at that job. And then I rush home in between to take care of the dogs and work on the floor (we put in hardwood and are ALMOST done! Just have to do a second set of stain on the baseboard today and then hubby will install it this week!)

And the days I'm off, I spend the whole time either working on freelance projects or cleaning the house.

It seems like I don't have any free time, and I don't even work that many hours! It's just crazy here, there, everywhere, at all times of the day hours! I don't like getting home at 8, because then I need at least a few hours to unwind and try to get stuff done, but hubby needs to get up early for his job, so it's basically get home, fall asleep on the couch.

Last night, though, we watched a lot of TV while I just sat and painted Christmas ornaments for all the little kids that we know, so that was quite relaxing and fun!

I'm going to make a conscious effort to work out every day doing something, because I've gained at least 5 pounds in the last few weeks with so many jobs (because I was subbing a LOT for two girls on vacation, so I guess I've actually been working 50 hour weeks the last few weeks instead of 30.)

Myra, I hope that you take good care of your knee, and I hope you are able to get together with your friend.

Worst case scenario is that both my friend and I get to catch our breath by early February. Things generally ease up by that time of the year.

Talked to my boss today about how exhausted I've been. She said she noticed too late that she had me working so much and said to look for an easier schedule starting next week.

But I know the nature of the business is that things will stay crazy for the rest of the year and into January. As good as her intentions are, right now the best I can hope for is a more balanced schedule. You know, just as much time, but spaced out better. Sorry if I'm babbling, but aside from Thanksgiving day, I haven't had a day off in 8 days. I'm getting a little loopy. But after tomorrow, I have 2 fabulous days off in a row... so I can catch up on some housework and prop up my leg in between.