I need some help... Im totally at a loss.

Here's a little history to my problem...

My dad is Bipolar, has been suicidel, is an alcoholic, has done some awful things in his life, and has gone through a tremendous amount of things in his life including abuse in his childhood (all types of abuse). We got along when I was little, then from about 10-19 we could barely stand eachother. It wasn't until my parents separated when I was 18 that we slowly started building a relationship. Since then he attempted suicide once that I know of when they first broke up (about 5 years ago). He has gone through numerous bouts of ups and downs. His drinking got to the point of becoming dangerous (driving, doing other drugs and participating in unhealthy situations). He started AA meetings, councelling etc was medicated for his bipolar and depression and became a bit of a zombie. (very lazy, sleepy, ate very little or too much), became obsessed with my mom for awhile, stopped drinking for 1 year and started going back to church etc... things we good (for the most part) then he fell back into drinking. Refuses to take his meds. Refuses to see his doctor. Claims that he wants to live his life his way. I found out (through him) ALOT of things about him. Things that most daughters probably would never know about their dad, but I listen because it helps me understand why he is the way he is. Most of the time when he calls me he's drunk and just rambles on. And Im tired of that. But he's already said he doesn't want help. That he's going through some things and he wants to live his life his way. For the longest time he hasn't been sleeping and we've all found that rather strange (like he will sleep MAYBE 4 hours in 3 days) and tonight he told me that he can't sleep because he has nightmares about his childhood.

My problem is that I have soo much empathy, love, sympathy etc for him (because obviously he is in alot of pain)that I can't get mad at him.. well not that I should, but I can't express my concerns to him. And frankly, my husband has had enough of my distress because of my dad that he wants me to tell him how I feel or he will tell him. It terrifys me to talk to my dad about it. Because 1 he gets frustrated with people when they try to help - he doesnt want it. 2 Im worried that it might send him into a depression. and 3... its just not easy!!! Hubby and I got into an argument tonight about it and I realized that my dad's problems are beginning to affect my marriage!... or they are going to start affecting it! And I dont know what to do.

He's already cut people out of his life (family) that he blames for his problems, has cut people out who have tried to help him... what do I do?!?!?! (there's way more to the story.. way more, but that's the gist of it...)

Last edited by lala21; 11/21/07 03:26 AM.