BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Why aren't parents honest about their experience?

I too don't have a mothering instinct. In some ways I am definately a nurturing person. I chose initially to work with kids thinking I could "make a different" "children are the future" etc. HA HA! I bought the hype from those trying to sell us on teaching cos there weren't enough! Plus I found I enjoyed teaching kids some things. And I LIKE kids but I wouldn't go as far as say I LOVE them as in I love ALL kids generically.
But I never really had that urge to have my own. I have had odd moments of "kodak moments" e.g. my twins thing, or thinking I want a guy like that and oh our daughter will be so cute and look like this. But those moments have been VERY rare!
When my brother was born I ignored him. (At 3.)
When I was ten or under my brother and I met one of dad's client's kids and he (bro) said "I can't wait to have kids" and I looked at him like he was crazy and didn't FEEL ANYTHING!
When I was about 15 I decided no kids for me.
When I was about 20 my 18 year old friend and I saw the young kids going into Sunday School and she said "Can't you wait?" (to have your own) and I looked at her like she was crazy.
When the first man I felt in love with talked to me about having kids I felt grossed out! (Although he DID mention having LOTS!)
At 23 when my then boyfriend said he wanted me to "marry me and have my babies" I reluctantly said OK in the future but felt panicky.
When I married at 29 before that hubby and I talked about how I felt but we said maybe in 5 years and every year became five years and now it's like HELL NO!
AND ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DAY if not EVERY single day for one reason or another I think how pleased I am to be childfree!!!
Again, this DOESN'T mean I can't be happy for mothers!!! and pregnant people!
And at 34 when my supposed biological clock should be screaming at me, I'm more childfree than ever.
OH and when I was a little girl, mum told me later, although I loved Barbies and dolls houses I NEVER played with or espressed ANY interest in baby dolls!! Or babies.

I love children.
But I couldn't eat a whole one.

That's what doggie bags are for!

Today I met a new gymnastics instructor. She got engaged on Saturday. She was telling me a little about herself, and she was mentioning how she never finished her degree. But it doesn't matter, what kind of job would she get with a degree in history? And besides, "when we have kids, I'll stay home with them."

I just smiled and nodded, but inside I was screaming. I couldn't imagine not finishing a degree (of course, I have two.) And to just shrug it off because you'll stay home with the kids? I guess when the kids go off to school she'll go back to teaching gymnastics or something.

Sometimes I feel intellectually stifled because I work with SO many people who don't have degrees. I don't want to be a receptionist forever! I don't make any money! And yet, all of these women that I work with have to support a family, and they don't have degrees. It just boggles my mind.

I am a mother of 13 children, 5 girls and 8 boys between the ages of 4 and 19. grandmother of 2, newborn girl and 11 month old girl. I'm 38. Yes, call me crazy! but I wouldn't go back and change things if i could. I'm not going to lie to you, i have moments where I think i simply can't handle it anymore and want to scream, runaway to live on my own....but then reality hits me and I know i would NEVER do that.I love all my children way too much. Sure my house is never clean, never on a schedule and am always broke! but somehow my husband and I manage. Everything works out well in the end through the good times and the bad. I don't even remember life when i didn't have kids, and can't imagine a life without them. I'm sure everyone has their own stories and opinions about children and I understand all of them, it simply depends on the person.

Oh my, a grandma at 38? I'm sorry about that, but it sounds like you love kids! I hope your children who now have their own children are doing a wonderful job.

Oh i do love kids! My oldest, Dixie is 19 and married, she has two kids mindy and claire, claire is 3 weeks old and mindy 1. my hubby says if we could afford it we'd have more kids but after ten pregnancies, i think i'm good

A kid I work with is awaiting the birth of his sibling ... this child will make 10 kids total. And they are ALL home schooled (except for the 18- and 19-year-olds.)

Ingilbert -- are the 18- and 19-year-olds in college or about to start? Just curious.

I make judgments have opinions about people who choose home-schooling for their children, especially those parents who didn't get their own 4-year degree.

Ha ha! I'm okay with homeschooling (would have loved that option when I was a kid) but, I agree with you that it's sometimes alarming when you consider who's teaching them. I've seen so many mommy-home-school blogs in the past year full of grammar and spelling errors. There are tests and standards for the kids going through it, but none for the mom/teachers.