BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Why aren't parents honest about their experience?

"Some people wonder why I analyze things so much."

Many, many people think the same about me...


One coworker said to me:

"The more you think about this issue, the less you will decide to have children..."

I think that says everything... there are no rational reasons...

Juli

And she said that too you in order to make you STOP thinking?

What is wrong with people? Are people really no more then sheep?

I was out with a friend when we witnessed a toddler tantrum in passing. I muttered, "Add THAT to my list of reasons to never spawn!"

He shook his head, laughing at me. "You know, every time you say something like that, you make it more likely that you WILL want kids one day!"

Uh, no. Just means I'm surrounded by reminders of my fabulous life choice. He wants to be a dad someday, and I don't think he's ever envisioned another type of future for himself. He's a great guy, and I hope he gets the life he wants, but I wish he'd put more thought into it.

It's the people who really think about the child issue that end up making the best choice for themselves and their possible offspring. It's the sheeple who DON'T "think too much" who end up changing diapers at 3am and wondering why they aren't as happy as they were told they would be.

I told her, that I'm not sure, because of some very intimate reasons... and that was her reply....

Oh, hah, I forgot to tell you guys - I was showing pictures of my nephew to a girl at work, and she doesn't know I'm CF (she's only in high school.) She said, "doesn't that picture just make you want to have kids? I bet you can't wait." And I replied, "actually, I don't really want kids."

And she looked me in the eye and said, and I quote DIRECTLY: "What is WRONG with you?"

I just smiled, and my other co-worker asked to see the picture, and the teen said to my co-worker, "can you BELIEVE that she wouldn't want kids after taking such a cute picture?"

So I said, "yes, he IS adorable. But they're not always that cute when they grow up." And that actually shut her up and she went back to doing what she was doing.

Oh, and I was showing the picture because it was on the same camera as the pics of my living room floor that we're redoing, and as I was showing the girl the floor it was the next picture on the camera. So I do NOT bring in pics of my nephews to bore the people at work!

Some people wonder why I analyze things so much."-Terrence

I've been told this many times over the years. My friend used to say "you're thinking too much." Well, maybe she wasn't thinking enough? Around the same time she made this statement, she was pledging a sorority and undergoing all kinds of humiliating experiences so she could be part of a group.

She ended up doing all the typical boring things that everyone else does. Why? Because she never wanted to be "different." Thank God not everyone is like this.

I think that is the problem with many parents and people in general--they assume that having children is just what you do when you "grow up". The do not stop to think about if they can afford to raise the children and give them the quality of life that all people deserve.

People have also told me that I think to much and try to analyze things to death. But, the more my husband and I talked about whether or not to have children, the more we realized that we really don't want them. Talking things out has prevented us from following the crowd and doing something we don't really want to do; it has basically prevented us from making a HUGE mistake.

I feel the same way chattycat. Just last night my husband and I had a big talk about it. Each time we do we feel better about our choice, and able to look forward to other things together.

Welcome to the forum!

Someone wrote on this forum recently that their partner didn't realize it was an option not to have kids. I find this very interesting. It seems like only recently people have been talking about it in terms of "having a choice." I said over and over again as a young girl that I wouldn't have kids. I didn't know about the term CF, I just knew I wasn't going to have kids. I didn't know how I was going to accomplish this feat. A few months ago I found this forum, and can I just say "thank God!" It so much easier to stand up to the peer pressure knowing that you are in the minority, but not the ONLY one.

It was a very enlightening experience when I realized that kids are indeed an option, not a requirement. As Oprah would say, it was my "Ah-ha" moment.

As Freida said, each time my husband and I discuss our decision not to have children, we feel better about the choice. We also look forward to doing the things that we are able to do because we don't have children--sleeping late, picking up and going camping at a moment's notice, traveling, or just having a quiet dinner for two!