BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids our biggest fear?

Around this time of year, I always get solicitations in the mail from meals on wheels, an organization that delivers hot meals to homebound seniors who are alone and often unable to afford food or cook for themselves. I like to make a donation. At Thanksgiving you can sign a placemat with a little note etc and they also have Christmas cards you can buy for people indicating that the proceeds will be used for a hot meal. Anyway, I thought this might resonate with people here, because the fear of being alone in old age etc is something that is discussed here a lot (and something that weighs heavily on my mind, though i do know that kids are NOT necessarily the solution to that, as we all know that so many homebound elderly who have kids who are nowhere in sight to help them). What i like about the organization is that it probably helps many seniors who cannot cook for themselves maintain independent living and not go into a nursing home if they dont want to. The link to meals on wheels is below. I hope no one minds the solicitation (I should probably check the forum rules on this one...). On a lighter note, perhaps a donation will bring good karma for me one day, should I be old and alone...

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Just a quick correction / clarification-
the organization I donate to is actually citymeals on wheels for the NY area , but the link is for a national organization which i think does the same thing (not sure if they are connected). Anyway, there are numerous programs that provide this service.

Hi Rabbitt

Thanks for reminding me of Meals on Wheels. We have it here in NZ too, and I have known of people who do volunteer work for it. It might be the sort of volunteer work I might be interested in doing later when am not working so much and have a bit more time, because one of the things I care a lot about is how elderly people are treated in our Western countries. I think they are treated very badly at times and not respected enough for their knowledge, wisdom and contribution to our lives.

I am sure many of the recipients of Meals on Wheels do have children - who either can't be bothered to help them or live elsewhere and can't help.

It is nice to know there are organisations out there to help us when we are older. I must admit, although I have plans as to how to live well in old age and am sure I will have younger friends, there sometimes is that little nagging fear (no doubt perpetuated by the constant messages that people without children are lonely in old age). I don't actually believe that is the case and I have living examples that I posted here once, of amazing older people who certainly aren't lonely, but just sometimes there is that little anxiety.

By the time we get that old, we should be able to order it all online and have it dropped at our door. At least I hope so.

While my mum and dad (60-ish and 70-ish so not THAT old!) have (adopted) kids, I think personally sometimes they actually find being a grandparent a mixed blessing! They love their grandkids of course but I think they are feeling a wee bit pit upon to babysit sometimes.
Since they became "empty-nesters" they have been travelling a lot more - even more than me who travels up to 3 times a year! and they have friends and relatives they spend time with.
Both are still working but they don't really have to.
However, I think it helps of course that they have money. Not loads, I mean they're not millionaires (I WISH!) but they are doing very well, esp. my dad who started off quite poor in life. (Child of a single mother, could't afford the education he really wanted neither could his mother and so on.)
His brother and sister have done very well in business too, they've all worked from the ground up and i think good on them!
I live on the other side of the world from my parents and while they miss me like crazy! it's not like they are sitting around wallowing!!

My grandfather got Meals on Wheels once a week for a while after my grandmother died and he lived alone. He had two daughters living nearby but both of them worked and could not leave their jobs to make sure he had lunch. So they arranged for him to have a hot lunch once a week. My aunts did a lot to take care of my grandfather until he got to the point he had to go in a nursing home, but again, they both had jobs they needed to live, and could not quit their jobs to provide 24/7 care for my grandfather. Besides, he got to be quite a handful (dementia) and would have been difficult for anyone who wasn't a trained nurse to take care of. My mom and my uncle both live several hundred miles away from my grandfather's town, they helped when they could, and visited frequenly. But again, it shows that having children is no guarantee that they will be able to provide elder care for you, even if they would like to.

Cindy

What about "adult" kids that mooch off their elderly parents? The ones who end up in jail, do drugs, or just make really bad decisions in life and continuously need their parents' support? Or, the really sad scenarios in which the adult children are handicapped....There is really no guarantee of your own security even if you have kids. Things could end up well, but you just never know.

I think I'll go to an "active" senior home when I'm old and enjoy the company of other seniors my age.

About a month ago, a DJ on the radio asked the audience to call in their biggest regrets in life. Of couse, most were humorous. I will never forget the mom who called in saying she REGRETTED having her two teen daughters. Very sad. She poured her feelings out on the radio saying she doesn't know what all the hype of having kids is about when she's got two brats that will never listen to her and cause a lot of stress. She said if she could do it again, she'd not have kids bc it's just not worth it. She did mention that she has never told her kids this (Thank goodness). I thought it was remarkable that this woman admitted this. I think most parents just keep it in. I'm not saying all parents secretly don't want their kids - I'm just saying there are SOME who do regret their decisions, but it's too late.

Sorry to get off track here. XOXO everyone.

Cookiecody and always_outside - you make really good points.

CC - yes, often children are too busy with their own lives (or dealing with teenage children themselves) or simply live elsewhere OR, as you say, unable to really care for an elderly parent if things get too serious with their health.

AO - exactly - some peopl have children who siphen off them their whole lives. Or, even worse, those stories you hear about children making horrible decisions on behalf of their elderly parents - sending them to rest homes where they are miserable etc. I think when I get old but still have my faculties intact, I will decide myself ehere I want to go if I become sick, and book it in advance and have my lawyer make sure my wishes are followed.

That's presuming I even get to old age - you never know if you will. So no point in agonising over it now, I guess!

Rabbitt,
In the end what happens to us in our old age is up to us. We must stay active and healthy in order to enjoy our "golden years". That means exercise and eat right, enjoy life and surround yourself with loving caring positive people. That I believe is our only defense to avoiding having people to take care of us as we age.

My husband and I take care of his mom, she is a young 63 year old who has numerous health problems. I will spare you most of the details. I love my mother-in-law to death but I believe that she has made many poor choices in her life for example, poor diet, heavy drinking, smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years (not anymore), dememtia, and being sedentary. She incurred a back injury she had at age 45 which she chose not to have addressed in surgery and has been out of work since. If you ever had to ask she would tell you the reasons why she chose all of those things and you might even find yourself sympathizing with her even just a little.

Anyway, after a compound fracture of an ankle, a broken foot (the other one) and neuropathy caused by diabetes and etc.. my husband and I and a home health aide who comes 60 hours a month are her primary caregivers. This woman has gone through a lot in her life as we all do in our own ways and I have learned so much from her.

My husband has 2 brothers and one of them lives 3 hours away, in fact he made his yearly visit yesterday because he said that he didn't know what the winter weather would be like. I have to say that the weather here in North Carolina the past few years has been very mild, he is such a liar. His Wife couldn't come with him (again) because the family dog is "sick" what a [censored] excuse I would bet that he's very healthy.

I think that if I had kids at home then I think that we may not have the time and/or energy or money it takes to be a caregiver in a situation like this. My own family history has given me arthritis in my knees, my mom had both of her knees totally replaced at age 52 which is young for that procedure. Don't think that I don't do a step workout and exercise my legs all the time, at first it hurt so bad I almost cried many times but I am determined to be as independent as possible. My mom still works at age 64 and she has limited movement in her legs due to complications but she gets through it.

I know that sometimes we just aren't able to function without the help of others and it isn't all bad, we all need each other in this world anyway. If my mother-in-law didn't have a home health aide her life would be less gratifying for her. Someone to take her out to the store, play games with and help around the house with housekeeping makes a big difference. Having help from someone else other than a grown up child is OK. Don't fear having to have someone to help you, in this world we ALWAYS need someone to help us, just like this forum!!

Do all that you can do to be healthy AND HAPPY and remember getting a little help is not the end of the world.

Love to all

I would never object to promoting a worthwhile charity in this forum! :-)

I had a close friend who got Meals on Wheels because he needed a specific diet for heart issues. He did like to cook, but found it difficult to figure out what he was supposed to eat. With special dietary needs, Meals can't be beat!

He passed away almost a year ago at the age of 80. I am thankful to Meals on Wheels for what they did for him while he was alive.

If you are able, please support charities that mean something to you. Not just during the holidays, but all year long.

Kim
MNK Editor