BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids had to share this!

hi everyone! i know a lot of us have had people trying to "pressure us into having kids" or simply not understanding our decision.i wanted to share a positive story concerning one of my friends. one of my very BFF is gay and lives out of state. we've known each other our whole lives(his father and my father are BFF) anyway, i was telling him about 2 of my friends being preggers and how difficult it is for me right now. he said that he's so proud of me about being CF and that my hubby and i have a great relationship the way it is and he's very glad about that. he said that he would never want children and he told me about a guy he had met a while back who wanted to adopt children with him and he "literally ran in the other direction!" it was so good for him to hear his support.it really made me feel so good to have a friend really understand and be so supportive.

indigo

We have a few CF gay friends - they now complain that many of their gay friends are having babies....it's now pretty common for gay couples to have kids - using surrogates or sperm donors.
I thought it was interesting that a lot of the pressure on CF couples is now also a problem for gay couples - their gay friends singing the praises of parenthood!

How refreshing to find someone that supports you in your decision! Good for you. I wish I had more people in my life that understood that being childfree is a choice and a personal one at that. In my area, people have all of the their kids before 30 if not before 25, so it's a VERY uncommon thing in our circle of friends/family and it's hard for them to understand why we don't "just do it" like they all suggest. I about fell off my chair when a friend of mine said if we didn't just go for it and try, we never would because it's easy to scare ourselves out of having kids. I'm not sure that it's such a bad thing to scare yourself out of such a huge commitment!

Indigo

How wonderful to get this positive feedback. Isn't it a breath of fresh air?

Ironically, one of the people who seriously bingoed me was a lesbian woman who worked for the graphic design company I use. She and her partner had a child and she decided to have another. She sent me pics of the child and went on and on about how wonderful it is - sent me links to adoption and fostering sites too, after I had told her DH is infertile to get her off my back. At the time I was thinking I wanted children but my DH didn't and it really messed with my head.

I do have plenty of people who are supportive of my decision. Including my best friend, a Mum herself, who has told me I would be mad to do it now. She is the one who says the world needs more Aunties.

Feebee, that is appalling. It sounds like you're due for a CF graphic designer! In case anyone is in need of one, I know of a fabulous one who is happy to telecommute from Nor Cal (me).

Hey Frieda, I'll keep that in mind - send me your portfolio! I'm semi serious - when I worked in the last job I had in London, my graphic designer was in Spain and my printing company (and my boss) were in New York. We just used IM to have conversations and I proofed everything on pdf.

I'm planning to start my own arts and web marketing business in the next few years (was one of my "20 things"!). Maybe I should cultivate CF suppliers to work with! In fact, my current publicist (a cool CF woman aged 45 or so) wants to be in partnership with my business.

hi everyone! i have yet another great story to share with you all!i was in toronto last weekend and had breakfast with an aquaintance of my hubby's and mine. she's in a band and so is my hubby. his and her bands sometimes play together so that's how we met.i really didn't know her that well so it was nice to be able to spend some time with her. anyway, her and i were talking while my hubby was in the bathroom and the subj. of kids came up. she asked if we had kids and i said no and then asked if we were playing on any and again i said no. turns out that she's in her mid 40's(she really doesn't look like it) married and is CF. it was so cool to find that out! she's been married for 16 yrs. and has gone through some of the things i'm going through now and it was so great to talk to her. she kept saying that we should move to toronto. she also told me that she feels it's difficult to make friends who are CF.i think that perhaps there are more of us than we think and like her who i suspect only "came out to me " when she knew i was CF as well.

i know that we both really benefited from that conversation and that next time i see her i'm going to make it a point to talk to her more. my hubby also commented that it was interesting to talk to her about some of the same issues and experiences that we face being CF.

indigo

How cool for you, indigo! Every time someone writes about finding a CF friend, they make it sound like hitting the lottery. I'm jealous!

Wow, Indigo, that's fabulous! It is almost like "coming out", isn't it?! So wonderful to find a person you can openly and honestly talk to about the issues. Woohoo!

I tried to write an article once about the pressure on gay/lesbian couples to have children within their communities, but I didn't find anyone who was willing to be interviewed.

If you know of anyone, please have them email me. I would love to know more about same sex couples and being child free. I only use first names, and they can use a pseudonym if they wish.

Kim
MNK Editor