BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids please act whenever you see it

I dunno I kind of think one child means more money, time etc. to go round rather than two plus!

I know someone who has one child and she seems to be doing a brilliant job and a great mother.

However, "snotty, less caring, and have a less sharing attitude" describes our landlord who we live with to a tee who is was an only child. But then again I think there are ALSO plenty of advantages to being/having an only/one child!! And yes I think more independence would be one of them.

Maybe it helps that gee I used to WISH I was an only child with a brother like I had/have! Think why couldn't I have been enough, why couldn't you have stopped at ME, what did you have to go and get HIM for?!

I have heard this before of mothers who have only one child being hassled about it and asked why they don't have MORE, which is JUST as rude IMHO as being hassled to have a child and asked why you don't!

The woman i know who has one was trying for a baby a few years ago and it was the most miserable and grumpy I have EVER seen her! I was SO pleased when she gave them up and decided to stop trying -- she was unbearable! (The stress I think.)

I guess its posible since I have only one, I shower her with more so if I had two the cost would not necessarily compare.

However, I just had to pay out about $60 for her Halloween costume AND her school pictures, that would have been X2.

When Christmas comes, I can't imagine having to buy gifts for several kids, I guess they just get less. Luckily my daughter is to an age that I can get her things that we both enjoy doing. Like last year, I got her a Camera, made for children because we both enjoy taking pictures.

THEN of course there is school clothes...thats a never ending task when you have a child that grows like a week like mine. She is 10 and can already wear my sandals, they are about an inch too long for her.

Maybe I would feel different had I been in a happy, stable marriage AND been able to have another child close to when Diane was born. At this point, I think it would make life ALOT harder and I don't think my body is up to it.

HEY! I AM AN ONLY CHILD! I hate you all. Haha, just kidding!

Personally, I only know one other only child, my boss (although my best friend in high school was an only child and was the sweetest girl alive.) It's amazing how alike my boss and I are (except she has two kids.)

So I can't really comment on other only children. I know that I am generally not a self-centered person, although I can be at times, but who isn't? However, I know people who come from huge families (8 kids) who are way more self-centered than I.

I liked being an only child, because I was close with my cousins and spent time with them, but then we could go to our own houses. Because I had to entertain myself, I think it really made my creativeness grow and evolve, and that's something I really rely on for my line of work today.

I think as an only child I get really attached to my friends, though, which isn't always a good thing. I also have a problem sharing food, which I hear is supposed to be a multiple-child family problem. But I never had to share a bag of chips with anyone, so when I buy chips, I buy them for me, and I get mad if my husband wants them! Go buy your own chips! (Mostly I get mad because he'll eat the rest of whatever I had.) So I have to buy 2 packages and say this one is yours, this one is mine.

It must depend on how the child is raised. I was raised to NOT be self-absorbed. I was never spoiled or showered with presents. My cousins got more stuff than I did, they are way more needy, self-centered and egotistical. And their parents make excuses for them, they never can do any wrong. I was also very independent because I also had a single mom, yet my husband can barely go to the store alone because he always did everything with his brother and sister.

So I see negatives to being an only child and also negatives to have 2+ children. I don't think it matters how many kids there are, only how they are raised.

I'm an only child too!!! I must admit though, that I was in the interesting situation of having my grandparents do most of the work when I was younger, so I learned to help and work for things pretty early on.

I'm reading the "Birth Order Book" at the moment by Dr Kevin Leman and it's fairly interesting about the role that birth order plays in personality. I'm married to a middle child so I got the book to understand why he doesn't like to share and is so focussed on having new things (I like antiques and he shudders when he sees them).

I'm with Lynn though, it is more about how you are raised than anything else. Because I was raised to be fairly independant, I'm comfortable going off by myself whereas my husband too has to have other people around him and every decision turns into a summit.

I am an only child too!!! lets hear it for the only lonelys!!!!!

My parents were older when they had me and my father died of a diebetic induces heart attack when I was 5 and he was 49 at the time. my problem was all my friends were spoild they got all the toys they wanted and could get away with anything because there was always someone else to blame and they never had to fight for themselves because big bro or sis would do it for them.

What I had I had to earn, money, toys, cloths, whatever and I could not bribe some one else to do it for me it was just me.
after my dad died my mom was emotionaly unavalible and she was always tired so she never spent quility time with me. my mom made sure i had meds and cloths and food but as far as fighting the school system that labeled me stupid or held me back because i had straight A and B's but missed one to many days because i was sick....I was on my own!

you know who I think is the most spoild of kids? the middle child! they have the older bro and sis's to fight and stand up for them and the younger bro and sis' to blame everything on! then the next spoiled would have to me the youngest child because by the time they come along the rules have bent broked and disapeared so they get away with everything.

the onlys and the oldest are the ones that get the raw end of the stick they have to brake in and train there parents and there in no help or guidence from an older b/s.

I think there is a lot to be said for good parents! I have a friend that has her two girls her husbands two sons and then there is to foster girls that are hubbys neices and they treat every child like there own you never hear step, foster, his hers or someone else they are all one family and that is it! no favorits and no one can blame anyone because they know the kids well enought to know when they are lieing and will punish straight a cross the board so the guilty party always comes clean one way or the other!

that is six kids and no goverment help to speak of but they do have insureices through the state for the kids but that is it no hud wic or food stamps. and they make ends meet on a teachers aid pay and working for the city.

that is how a family should be. they took on the sisters kids to get them away from a bad home but they did it not for the goverment money but for the girls.

you dont find that much these days!

I was the second of five - my parents couldn't afford to have 5 kids so money was a constant worry.
I always wondered why my parents kept having babies - when my brother was born I thought that would be it - 3 girls and finally a boy. (though my mother denies they were trying for a boy & says we were all planned)
When No. 5 was announced I was 11 years old and I remember feeling nothing but anxiety - how could Dad work any harder?
Would we survive? How many more?
I know my parents would have had a much easier life with fewer children.

Birth order is interesting - the examples that stand out for me are:-
My older sister was handed a huge amount of responsibility at an early age - she helped so much with the younger kids and running the house - she was never interested in marriage or kids and is a very independent woman.

My younger sister fell between stools really - 6 years younger than me and two brothers below her - she often made her own fun - more like an only child - she found company/comfort in books.
I vividly recall her sitting alone under the lemon tree reading for hours.
She went on to study veterinary medicine.
She is single with no kids.

My husband is the youngest in his family - but his siblings are much older so he has a lot of "only child" traits. (maturity, enjoys his own company and space & peace and quiet)
He has a CF sister and brother so we're the norm in his family.

I think our childhood experiences really shape our lives whether we like it or not...we are certainly born with our personalities but then other factors come into play that seem to produce the person you are today.

My SIL is a total spoiled brat, self-absorbed like you wouldn't believe. She's the only girl and the middle child.

My BIL was the third (and youngest) and he was actually left places. Also, he forgot his favorite toy at a rest area once and they refused to go back and get it. So, he doesn't really spend any time with the family.

As far as birth order, I am EVERYTHING!

I am my mom's only child, and was raised as an only child, and expected to be independent.

I am my father's second child, and in his family I am treated like the baby. (I am also his boy.)

I am the oldest out of 6 cousins with whom I was very close, and I had to be responsible for them all and got blamed for everything they did.

I am a middle child because my sister has another half sister who is one year younger than me, so I'm in the middle of her family (who treats me like family.)

Who am I supposed to be today?

I'm an only child and I think whether you have one kid or a dozen it all depends on good parenting. My parents taught me to be responsible at a young age. I knew when to speak and when not to speak and what to say around whom. I've worked since i was 15 (I am from a upper middle class family) and I am responsible with money. I've never been spoiled or acted out. I think there are benefits to being an only child--the focus is on you, and your parents can most likely afford to get you thinks they may not have been able to if you had siblings, such as the college of your choice.