BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage name changes for brides...

Hi Tb:
I also am with you - no one gave me away - I couldn't bear to do that.
I didn't wear a veil.

I did change my name though; I really like my husband's last name!

Additionally, changing my last name was the only thing I did -
I still have my own checking account, still file taxes separately, still have my own credit cards, still maintain my self-sufficiency.
I was so scared of losing my independence that it took me awhile to get married. Nothing has changed for me except my last name.
If I didn't like his name, I wouldn't take it, but it is just a really nice name so I did.

[quote=kristen houghton]Did you change your name after marriage? Why or why not? How do you handle the "last name" issue?


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Hey BC, that's funny, because we also maintain separate finances!! We even have different banks! We do have SOME joint credit cards though (we each also have separate). We file our taxes separately (it works out better). We've worked out who pays which bills, and it works well for us.

The thought of being financially dependent really bothered me (still does). At first I even kept a list of all the things I had prior to marriage and all the things he'd paid for, etc. (okay, so I was a little neurotic. I got over it.)

DH's last name is really common and easy to spell. Mine was long and I always had to spell it out.

Hi Tb:

Yes that is funny - another thing we have in common! You are like a twin :O)

The only finances my husband and I have in common is a joint savings account that has money given from our wedding guests. We also put our own money into it once in awhile since the interest rate is so high. I have a separate savings account just by myself.
Other than that, everything else is separate. It is great! One of the other reasons we have a great marriage! I balance my own checkbook, and he doesn't balance his. I save all of my credit card receipts and he throws his out before the statement comes. We are different that way but it works for us. I love having independence but still being married.

I changed my name...I guess mostly just because of social conventions, but I really like the idea too. My hubby and I are a family together, and though the formality of changing your name doesn't matter much in that sense, I do like that we have the same last name.

And really, you are always 'belonging' to a man with the name situation...your father or your grandfather(if your mother gives you her maiden name) or your husband.

My hubby's name is foreign and interesting, though it does cause quite a headache most of the time here in the US!

Hubby told me that in Holland, it is very normal, maybe even customary, for the name to be like this: (First name) (Husband's last name)(Wife's maiden name). Whereas in the US, if you keep your maiden name, it goes before your husband's name.

On the topic of separate finances...I guess I never really understood that. My sister has the same setup with her husband, and they are constantly going, "Oh, I'll pay for dinner...It's your turn to pay rent...Can I borrow some money?" I mean...I know it's not uncommon, I just don't get it. I share everything with my husband, credits and debts! If I die, I want to make sure he has access to our money, our car, our everything. Never saw a point in keeping things separate. He works freelance, so if he's having a less lucrative month, should he have to borrow money from me? If he can't cover his 'half' of the bills, should I evict him? :~P
I guess if a couple so radically disagrees on money and where it should go and how to manage it...maybe makes sense to keep stuff separate. Just not an issue in my marriage.

We don't consider it "My money" versus "Your money". Everything each one of us owns belongs to the other, of course.
I like having a separate checkbook and credit cards for many reasons, for one, I can surprise him with gifts.
I am more fastidious with the checkbook so we prefer to do it separately, as well as credit card receipts - I always check every purchase on the statement and he isn't into that.
It is just a lifestyle difference.

We also got married as mature adults - 33 & 40. We lived many years doing these things on our own, for ourselves and we like it that way.
We have no secret stash from each other.

But, everyone has different ways of doing things so whatever works for each marriage is great in its own way :O)

I definitely DON'T want to get married, but if I did...I would consider keeping mine.

It's sad because my last name will end. My Dad's last name is S. He has two sisters and one brother. The sisters are married, changed their names. The brother has no plans of getting married or having children...ever.
My dad had 3 girls.
When we all get married, there will be no more S.

We also got married as mature adults - 33 & 40. We lived many years doing these things on our own, for ourselves and we like it that way.
We have no secret stash from each other.

I can see if everything is already established separately...maybe just easier to change an address than cancel accounts and add people to existing accounts. I guess it made more sense for my hubby and I to have joint stuff, since he immigrated from a different country to the US. He had no credit built up, and doesn't completely understand the system of finances and taxes here(another reason he's completely fine with me handling all of our finances!) Also, I was pretty much just a year out of college...then we moved across the country and set up a new life together, so it just made sense for us to do it all combined, together.

The only real nice thing I would like to have separate is our PayPal account, because it's hard to Christmas shop online for him with all the 'payment received' notices popping up in our email that he uses as his primary email! But we worked out a nice system where he will see it's Paypal, not look at the content, call me at work and ask if I just bought anything, and if I say yes, he will then move it to a separate folder and not look at it. (Sometimes it gets really fun if we buy something on Ebay and the seller ships it to the Paypal name instead of the Ebay name, and then we have to sit there and try to figure out who's gift it is...because it has both of our names on it!...We will say, "Ok, it's from New Jersey, did you order something from New Jersey??" and we have to dig through our Ebay orders to figure it out. Holiday fun at our house!)

I always had my own accounts, separate from anyone else before my wife moved in with me. She had her accounts all set up, her own cards, etc, so she was sooo used to managing her own money. The division of money now is that I pay the mortgage and utility bills, and she pays her bills and runs her business. She IS joint on my checking, and I am joint on HER checking, etc, but we NEVER use each other's money unless it is an emergency and/or we ask each other 'is it ok if I buy ___"?

The one thing that we wanted to avoid (which I noticed with my parents, who only had a joint account, still to this day, after being married 42 years) is asking 'Can I get this' or 'can I get that?' for EVERYTHING. It wasn't intuitive, especially in the age before cell phones.