BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I have to get more self-confident to set a limit

Hi,
this forum is REALLY helpful for me although I am just reading your thoughts most of the time!!
Last week I went to an aerobic lesson. I met two mommies there, who usually go to the lesson after mine (gym for mommies who want to lose weight after birth)!
Since that day I don't want to go to gym again! They spoke about CF woman as if they are aliens, to greedy and selfish to have children and stuff like that!
I know them and their opinion but the one thing, that really annoyed me was, that I just stood there, saying nothing, although I thought: "Shut up!!! There are people that have other aims in life - not only dirty napkins!!!"
Don't get me wrong - I don't want to be rude to people who I'm not one with, but I just would like to have the ability to say my opinion in a polite but straight way...

So my big aim will be: to be quick on the trigger!!!!

Honestly, I think some people tie up their desire to being a parent as almost a moral obligation to be a parent. Some religions encourage having children by condemning birth control or like the Mormons by outright encouraging women to have children. Society has turned this issue into a black and white issue. Your good if you want kids and your bad if you don't.

Unfortunately the people who would make horrible parents usually end up having children for some insane reason that I don't understand. It seems like every idiot out there with a pulse and reproductive organs is popping out kids when sterilization is a better option for them, truly some people really shouldn't breed. DO THESE HOLIER THEN THOU MOTHERS SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS GROUP?? How often have I heard this particular group talk about how their birth control failed as if the decision was taken out of their hands entirely...what a load of BS.

Then you have a group that knows their own mind and has goals that don't include children AND amazingly enough they manage to make the birth control work (this being a true sign that its posible for that group that shouldn't be having kids at all) and not have any kids.

I have one child and have always been a single Mother to her. I can't tell you the number of people that look at me like I'm strange for having only one child. My logic was that since I was going to be on my own, I didn't want to bring MORE children into the world that would be such a strain for me to take care, more children, less money, less attention, less space etc. My logic here has been truly offensive to people as if I should carry on breeding kids with no plan as to how I would take care of them. How selfish would that be to the child I already have??

I agree with you, Lisa Orlando, when you say that people who shouldn't have kids usually have them. I was in a small note-taking group at college last year where one woman said (when it was time to say something about herself), "I have three kids, and after having them, I realized I hate kids." I felt bad for her...but I thought it was, well, not humorous, but I can't think of the word, that she didn't think about it before popping out not one, not two, but three kids. Everybody didn't really say anything to her after that, kind of acted like she wasn't there. The worst thing about this situation is that she'll be responsible for these three kids the rest of her life, and the kids will probably find out sooner or later that she regrets them, and end up becoming bad parents themselves. But anyway, I feel bad for her.

And I also think society puts a bad image on the child-free, even the childless, if they decide not to have kids altogether. It's sad that everyone must generalize and say all people who don't have kids are selfish. Everyone's selfish in their own way, and not only because some of us don't want kids.

It took her THREE KIDS to figure out she hated them?

Dear god what is wrong with people?

Yes, three kids. I think she thought that "any day now, I'll start feeling all this love and truly affectionate caring that will make all this suffering and boredom and effort for my kids worth it. It *has* to be that way, because *all* the other mothers say that it will happen."

It sounds like "any day now" never came.

I work with a lady who has one child. She's Chinese and married a Mexican man, so she is defintely expected to have lots of kids. We had all met in Oregon from around the country for a business meeting so we didn't know each other all that well. Two of the people had brought babies with them. Those of us without kids with us went to the bar to drink. (Much more fun) She blantently said that she hates kids really loud, and wants to sit as far away from the babies as possible at the dinner the next night. It was hilarious. The men with children at the table just fell silent and hung their heads. When I said, don't you have a kid? She said yeah, I liked children much more before I had one. Whenever I start to waffle I remember her words. Since I really don't like being around kids anyways; I probably defintely wouldn't like to be around my own either.