BellaOnline Forums Education Gifted Education does it ever "balance out"?

i homeschool my pg son. i was recently asked when i would "put him back in public school?" i said that i didn't know when, if i ever would, concerned that that hadn't met his needs and might never. she also homeschools and her sons are atleast very academically ahead for their ages. when asked when she thought she would, her definitive answer was "third grade". Why? Because "they all seem to balance out by third grade."

i would especially like for those with older kids to answer this. does it "balance out"? once he's older, will he find a way to have his needs met? or does balancing out mean letting a gift stagnate? my son is just now 5, and it feels more like it would be the latter of the two.

alicia

Nope.

Okay, that's the short answer. From what I've read elsewhere, the "they all even out by 3rd grade" line is meant much more to reassure parents of kids who are a bit behind, maybe a bit slower to pick up reading and such. (My opinion is that reading is a skill like potty training and walking -- they aren't all ready at the same age, and expecting them to be is absurd.)

Let's see, you have a pg kid who is just 5. What sort of grade level work is he currently doing?

Now check back in a year -- bet he is more than one official grade further than his current standing on basic skills.

My experience -- and ds was in a private elementary school for all but 1/2 of 2nd grade, that tried to customize a fair amount for him. At 5 yrs 10 months, he was in 1st grade, basically saying he could've done the work last year. So I brought it to the principal's attention. (This was early in the school year.) She tested his reading level -- and he was a minimum of 8yr 8mo reading level (in some areas was 9yr 9 mo.) Not as "ahead" as some pg kids, but still up there. (I can't remember the grade equivalents, but it was more than that point in the year of 3rd grade, at least.) So, for him to have "balanced out" -- he would have lost ability. Not likely, barring brain damage.

Now, this doesn't mean that there aren't SOME schools that might work with you and your child to appropriately accommodate him. But it is a lot more work -- I took the easy way out and homeschooled starting 6th grade, and wished I had done it sooner!

Now, though, my ds is approaching 16, and we have found a part-time school, part-time homeschool solution locally. Every area is different, though, so your solution may be different. (Not to mention every child and family has different needs, etc.)

So, back to the short answer.

Nope.

Zandes-

Here's where I believe the 3rd grade myth comes from:

1. There are kids who are developmentally unprepared to read before 7 or 8. This doesn't mean they are slow, their brain just isn't organized to do so earlier. So for these kids, it does appear that they "catch up" around age eight. Many "unschooled" kids read even later than this, though later they may prove to be exceptionally bright.

2. A gifted child who is not challenged in school eventually gives up. By the time they've been in the system for three or four years without learning at their own pace, they learn to sit back and coast. They forget how to strive for anything, and their precocity becomes much less evident.

Does that make sense?

I suspect that the balancing out is the loss of precocity mentioned above. Just wanted to hear gifted mommy opinions.

Hi, Zandes. I had not heard the "balancing out" thing about 3rd grade before. In my opinion, that's crazy--just one more of those things people repeat without actually analyzing it. Maybe they don't really want to analyze it--they may just be looking for some way to justify their personal agenda. Kids, gifted and not gifted, are all different. As much as some schools might like for all children of a certain age to perform at exactly the same speed and level, it's just not going to happen.

There are some people who homeschool their younger children, but do not feel qualified to do their older ones. In my opinion, this is a mistake. Children do not truly learn anything they do not want to learn. If they want to learn something, children will find a way whether you are their teacher or not. Our kids were living proof. When they got ready to take their ACTs, they--without our help--made sure they had the skills they needed. They both scored high enough to earn scholarships to their colleges.

I have two grown gifted kids whom we started homeschooling when they were teenagers. The eldest was in 11th grade when we started homeschooling; the other in 8th. During their grade school and junior/senior high school tenures, they definitely did not learn everything on a predictable schedule; and we definitely ran into situations where they were NOT intellectually stiumlated in school. Once we got started homeschooling, I wished we had started sooner--like from birth. For us, it was the absolute best way to address our kids' special interests and to insure that their learning paces would be goverened by what came natually to each of them. Both kids ultimately pursued higher education.

If you are concerned that you may not be "qualified" to teach an older child, my advice is not to worry. The day I realized I was at least better qualified than my kids' worst teachers was the day I got my confidence to homeschool. Unless you plan to neglect your child, you'll probably do fine. To me, the two biggest things homeschooling parents can do are (1) instill some values in the child and (2) stay on top of where the child's interests lie so you can procure books and tools that will fit their interests. Prioritize those two things in the order listed, too. A child without values is a scary thing, no matter what he knows. A motivated child will do fine with these provisions.

This reminds me that it is probably time I write our county's gifted and talented department head about my having been told by the head in 1996 (who might be different than today) that "most kids even out by 3rd grade" (and she was saying this to a kid who was already well beyond 3rd grade level in most if not all areas, so what was he going to do - regress and forgot skills?). By the time he was the age for a traditional 3rd grader (age 8), he already had been admitted to college (and could have started at that age had we been game) and earned his first government paycheck. He had also already won national and international awards/contests in different areas for kids his age/grade to up to 16 years of age/grade whatever that would be. And he had SAT scores higher than that of most college bound high school seniors. And age age 7 (i.e. before he would have hit the age for a traditional 3rd grader), he already had a mental age in the 20's and scored post high school level across the board on individual academic testing. Even out, my derri�re.

I hadn't wanted to write when our son started college at age 9 due to concerns of someone calling the press or trying to stick social services on us for allowing a young child to be in college, but now that our son is 16 and has been living on his own in graduate housing since 14, it might be time to write the county and let them know how full of bull their "kids even out by 3rd grade" notion is.

Rose Marie, you have a way with words! Thanks for adding your thoughts. I think you should contact that school official and give her a report. Maybe you could point out how damaging it is to make gifted kids sit in classes where they have already mastered all the material. Send them a copy of Genius Denied, too!

I am wondering now, how many parents hear this stuff and just accept it? I figure there must be quite a few.

Wow, when will we stop hearing THIS myth, huh? Man, if only it were true -- I'm sure it would be a real reassurance to all of the parents of children with special needs to hear that their children will miraculously "even out" by third grade...or that children who are too tall will somehow stop growing, or that children with athletic skills will lose their hand-eye coordination until they are even with their peers, and that children with vision problems will now see the board just as everyone else does.

In short, this myth is just as silly as all those other ideas, and for the same reason. Children who have been drilled to death with flash cards until they can read a few Dolch sight words on the first day of school will probably "even out" relative to their peers just as children who didn't know how to open a book on the first day of school will gain that knowledge too, but PG is a different kettle of fish.

If some people's children were to "even out," what that would mean is that basically some would actually have to regress many grades or so in order to get (back) to third grade.

Hi Meg-

I like the analogies you used. With all the talk about embracing diversity you'd think that by now people would be aware that we're all unique. Unfortunately, there is still that pervasive idea that we are all equal so we must also all be the same.

Is Meg Murray your real name, or is it taken from the Wrinkle in Time character?

best wishes-

I don't know if this idea is world-wide, or just in the US -- but I've always thought that perhaps the whole notion of "all men are created equal" gets misinterpreted (rather than equal to do the what they can with what they have, people seem to view it as equal in a Harrison Bergeron sort of way.)

Just like the "all children are gifted" bunk -- all children are special, all children are gifts (to their parents), but all children are NOT gifted.