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Hello all ...

I'm new to this page. I figuered to give it a try and find some serious help. I am a 20 year old female and i'm in a violent relationship, I have no idea what to do anymore. I was in a 4 year relationship in which i left my ex for it and figuered i deserved better and all i get is abused. The new Guy i'm with is 25 and we been together since 4-22-07 we expecting a child together this January 29.08. I'm happy i'm having a baby but scared also.. I was abused in my previous relationship when i was pregnant i miscarried one child at 5 months and one at 2 months in which the one at 5 months i was rushed to the ER. I'm only 20 i deserve better... my mother passed away September 16 2006, and everytime i didn't have no where to go she would let me in and now i can't do that, my dad has no room in the house for me. I'm hurt, emotionally falling apart in which i don't know anymore. Being abused, mentality, physically .. Can some one please tell me what i should do


Carah

Welcome Carah! I am the DV editor here at BellaOnline.com I have many resource listings for help. Since you are pregnant, mention at your next doctors visit that you are being abused and they should be able to point you in the direction of getting help and getting away. You do deserve better no matter what age you are. You ahve already lost 2 children, you do not need to lose another one. What state are you in?

Hello Thanks Jeanette for getting back at me. I really am happy some one got back to me... I'm in Massachusetts.. I am so scared to mention anything to my doctors because of him. I get hit , pushed around, choked to a point i can't breathe. When he is mad at me he doesn't give me food. I'm not working now ... It is hurting me with no money, i don't know what to do anymore. I live in fear everyday. My sister helps me as much as she can but i can't stay with her. Her landloard doesn't approave i guess. Thanks for everything

Carah, I'm not sure your sister's landlord can say anything because your pregnant.

You really do HAVE to get out of there. Whatever it takes, you have to get away.

The cycle you are seeing with him is only going to get worse, it will not get better AND at some point he could direct it at your child. You can't let that happen.

Please, speak with your doctors, tell them the truth and let them help you but make some plans before hand. Pack your stuff and get out at a time when he won't be noticing, like when he is gone to work. Don't look back.

CARAH,
Please use the resources that jeanette has for you. You need to get away right now. This will not get better. I'm sure these resources are places for you to go to get the proper help that you & your child need. You were in a relationship like this before & this is not good for you or the baby. I don't know what is up with your dad. I have a daughter who is 23. I would never turn her away. But that is not your fault your Dad won't help you. It is not your fault this nut is abusing you.

Please tell the doctors as Lisa has said. You need to get away from him. He could kill you. You are only 20 & you have a whole new life ahead of you. For your baby too. I don't want to hear about you on the news as another murder statistic. This coward is a sick person. He will not change. It will get worse. Jeanette is right, you had 2 babies die already due to these cowards abusing you. It is hard but there is help out there. Please let Jeanette give you these places to call & go too. I don't want you or your baby hurt anymore. Or killed. Thanks for listening. I hope that the next time we hear from you, you are at a shelter or safe place. Good luck & I will pray for you too. Judy K. in Chicago

Carah, I grew up in Massachusets, I might have some connections that could find some help for you.

Jeanette has some to give you as well.

The church I was raised in probably has some kind of organization that helps battered women. If you would like to email me, my email is lethalfind@yahoo.com, tell me the town you live in and I will ask around and find out what is available and then give you the information.

I have an old friend who lives in Boston who is the music director of one of the churches there, the rest of my friends are out by South Lancaster, Bolton area.

While I don't practice this religion anymore, they are kind and loving people who could help you alot.

I'm sorry i havent been on the computer was taken away from me.
I really need help Fallriversfinest@aol.com is my email Please send dall the information you can and have. I dont know what to do anymore.

Carah

I got your message and I have sent out some emails and tomorrow I will make some phone calls.

In the meantime here are some online resources I found you might be able to make use of. Please make sure to delete your history and cookies from your computer should anyone try to search what you have been doing. I would also make sure you dial another number AFTER you call one of these just in case he checks your redial on your phone. Keep in mind that some of these might also be long distance and would then show up on your phone bill making it posible for him to call the number and know who you have been talking to.

Does your whole family live in the same town you do? If not then I would consider contacting one of these shelters in a different town then where you live. It might make it more difficult for him to locate you. Having said that, these shelters aren't easy for them to get into. They are a lockdown kind of facility and no one is admitted until someone sees who is knocking at the door. The police normally watch these places well. My Mother and I used to volunteer at one where I lived in Texas.

Please be safe, start making plans to get out and take everything you want with you. The likelihood is that you will not be able to go back and get anything and even if you did, he would probably have either gotten rid of it OR do something to keep you out like changing the locks on the doors.

Massachusetts Domestic Violence Shelters:



Massachusetts Coalition Of Battered Women's Service Groups 210 Commercial St., 3rd Floor Boston MA 02109 (617)248-0922


New Hope, Inc. P.O. Box 4100 Attleboro MA 02703 Business #: 508-226-4588 Hotline/Crisis: 508-226-4588 Toll Free #: 617-762-1530


Asian Shelter & Advocacy Project P.O. Box 120108 Boston MA 02112 Business #: 617-338-2350 Hotline/Crisis: 617-338-2355


Asian Task Force Against Domestic Violence, Inc. P.O. Box 87 Boston MA 02120 Business #: 617-739-6696 Hotline/Crisis: 617-277-3648


Casa Myrna Vazquez, Inc. P.O. Box 18019 Boston MA 02118 Business #: 617-521-0100 Toll Free #: (800)992-2600


Renewal House P.O. Box 919, Roxbury Crossing Boston MA 02120 Business #: 617-277-4194 Hotline/Crisis:617-566-6881 MLS 5 months BYF N


Domestic Violence Action Program D.V.A.P. 18 Newton St. Brockton MA 02401 Business #: 508-583-6498 Hotline/Crisis: 508-583-6498 Toll Free #: (800)281-6498


Womansplace P.O. Box 4206 Brockton MA 02403 Business #: 508-588-2042 Hotline/Crisis: 508-588-2041


Transition House P.O. Box 530 Harvard Square Station Cambridge MA 02238 Business #: 617-354-2676 Hotline/Crisis: 617-661-7203


Harbor Me, Inc. P.O. Box 505634 Chelsea MA 02150 Business #: 617-884-8974 Hotline/Crisis: 617-889-2111


Our Sister's Place P.O. Box 4236 Fall River MA 02723 Business #: 508-677-0224 Hotline/Crisis: 508-677-0224


Women's Center, Stanley Street Treatment and Resources 386 Stanley Street Fall River MA 02720 Business #: 508-679-5222 Hotline/Crisis: 508-675-0087


Battered Women's Resources, Inc. P.O. Box 2503 Fitchburg MA 01420 Business #: 508-342-2919 Hotline/Crisis: 508-630-1031 Toll Free #: (508)368-1311


Women's Protective Services/WIN Haven Shelter 63 Fountain St. Framingham MA 01701 Business #: 508-820-0834 Hotline/Crisis: 508-626-8686


New England Learning Center for Women in Transition, Inc. 10 Park Street Greenfield MA 01301 Business #: 413-772-0871 Hotline/Crisis: 413-772-0806


Womanshelter/Companeras P.O. Box 6099 Holyoke MA 01041 Business #: 413-538-9717 Hotline/Crisis: 413-536-1628


Independence House, Inc. 22 Main Street Hyannis MA 02601 Business #: 617-771-6507


Elizabeth Stone House, Inc. P.O. Box 59 Jamaica Plain MA 02130 Business #: 617-522-3417 Hotline/Crisis: 522-3417


Finex House, Inc. P.O. Box 1154 Jamaica MA 02130 Business #: 617-436-0831 Hotline/Crisis: 617-288-1057


Native American Indian Center of Boston 105 South Huntington Avenue Jamaica Plains MA 02130 Business #: 617-232-0343


Women's Resource Center, Inc. 454 North Canal Street Lawrence MA 01842 Business #: 508-685-2480 Hotline/Crisis: 508-685-2480 Toll Frce #: (800)400-4700


Atlanic P.O. Box 2096 Lowell MA 01851 Business #: 508-458-0274 Hotline/Crisis: 508-454-1436


Services Against Family Violence P.O. Box 164 Maiden MA 02148 Business #: 617-324-2221 Hotline/Crisis: 617-324-2221


A Safe Place, Inc. P.O. Box 3231 Nantucket MA 02584 Business #: 508-228-0561 Hotline/Crisis: 508-228-2111


Domestic Violence Program New Bedford Women's Center 252 County Street New Bedford MA 02740 Business #: 508-996-3343 Hotline/Crisis: 508-99WOMEN


Women's Crisis Ctr. of Greater Newburyport 8 Prince Place Newburyport MA 01950 Business #: 508-465-2155 Hotline/Crisis: 508-465-2155


Necessities/Necesidades, Inc. 16 Armory St. Northampton MA 01060 Business #: 413-586-1125 Hotline/Crisis: 413-586-5066


Women's Services of Western Mass., Inc. 146 First Street Pittsfield MA 01201 Business #: 413-499-2425 Hotline/Crisis: 443-0089


South Shore Women's Center, Inc. 225 Water Street, Suite 412 Plymouth MA 02360 Business #: 508-746-2664 Hotline/Crisis: 508-746-2664


DOVE, Inc. P.O. Box 287 Quincy MA 02269 Business #: 617-471-5087 Hotline/Crisis: 617-471-1234


Renewal House P.O. Box 919 Roxbury MA 02120 Business #: 617-277-4194 Hotline/Crisis: 617-566-6881


Help for Abused Women and Their Children (HAWC) 27 Congress St. Salem MA 01970 Business #: 508-744-8552 Hotline/Crisis: 508-744-6841


Respond, Inc. P.O. Box 555 Somerville MA 02143 Hotline/Crisis: 617-623-5900


YWCA ARCH Program Abuse and Rape Crisis Hotline P.O. Box 80632 Springfield MA 01138 Business #: 413-733-1588 Hotline/Crisis: 413-733-7100


Women's Support Services Box 369 Vineyard Haven MA 02568 Business #: 508-693-7900 Hotline/Crisis: 508-696-SAFE


The Support Committee for Battered Women P.O. Box 24 Waltham MA 02254 Business #: 617-891-0724 Toll Free #: (800)899-4000


YWCA New Beginnings P.O. Box 1835 Westfield MA 01086 Business #: 413-562-5739 Hotline/Crisis: 413-562-1920 Toll Free #: (800)479-6245


Daybreak Resources for Women & Children, Inc. 945 Main St. P.O. Box 925 Worcester MA 01610 Business #: 508-755-5371 Hotline/Crisis 508-755-9030

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Carah,
From your picture I can see a beautiful, sensitive young woman. Please take the advice all have given. You MUST get away now; you cannot wait.

Listen, Carah, love is not hurting someone. Any man who hurts his partner or any woman who hurts hers for that matter, is not showing anything but cruelty. Love and relationships are about respect and honor. My heart breaks for you. You really have never felt the love of a good man.

First things first-tell your doctors, get help and get out,get the police involved for protection, if you have to leave the state or even the country to protect yourself, do it. There are women's groups who will help, Lisa has done a wonderful job of compiling a list for you to use.

Make no mistake, he will kil you and the child. That is the bottom line and the one thing you must remember to say to yourself every time your courage wavers, "He will kill me and my baby."

After this is over, after you have left, get counseling for yourself. You have been in two abusive relationships before you are even 21. There is a reason you choose these men.

Counseling is free through many of the groups listed in Lisa's post and Jeannette is a wonderful source of all agencies which will help you.

My thoughts are with you. Stay focused on what you have to do now.