BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids At what point is the line drawn.

Background: I am a medic working in an emergency room in small town out in Idaho.
Story: Yesterday during my shift we had a patient (4 years old) his father and his older brother (8ish I'm guessing) come in to be seen. While the 4 year old and the father were being screened in, the 8 year old was left in the waiting room, to "entertain himself". During that time he knocked over a table, tore up a magazine, and drew on one of the chairs (I don't even know why a 8 year old is carrying around a sharpie).

I had to ask the father to control his child, his only response was that "his ADHD medication had not kicked in yet". And then he proceeded to leave him by himself as his youngest was taken into the back to be seen by the Doc.

Within about 60 seconds of his dad dissapearing, this child decided that a magazine that someone else is reading should be his. So he walks up to this 80 year old patient (sweet little old lady) and just rips the magazine out of her hands. He then walks about 5 feet away and just throws the magazine down on the ground.

Angry beyond belief, I get up and return the magazine to the Lil ol lady, she thanks me, and just sits their quietly and continues to read. As I am walking back to the desk, this child returns and attempts to reclaim "his magazine". This time though she decided not to let go. He yells at her, and then to my amazement rears back and slaps her across the face.

My tech restrains the now screaming and flailing child, as my nurse comforts the old lady and gets her some gauze (she now has a bloody nose btw), as I storm into the back and inform the father that his child just assaulted another person, and that his stay here is over. I explain to him that his child is leaving now, and that he needs to accompany him.

His response still raises my blood pressure, he says "he's just a kid, stop being such a harda$$" and then turns away to ignore me.

Harda$$...I have not yet begun to fight. I call the police and report the assault. They arrive in about 15 seconds (they were driving by apparently). They take the father and both children and escort them out of the facility. The entire time the father is screaming that this is BS, and he's going to report me.

Is it just me..or shouldn't parents be at least a little bit responsible for their own children? How ridiculous has this become, that a parent brushes off the fact that their child just assaulted someone? And people call me irresponsible for not having children....


Skeeter

OMG Skeeter - this is just APPALLING. You are NOT a Harda$$. It is not you - parents should be responsible for their own children. I get so angry about this. Quite often now I see newspaper stories about a kid who has bucked the rules at school(arrived with piercings through their nose/eyebrows etc) or worse has totally misbehaved and been expelled, and then the parents get on their high horses and support the "poor widdle child" instead of supporting the school or teacher and telling the child to pull its head in. I just hate to think what society this is breeding - best case scenario is that the kid grows up, gets into the work force and tries to have relationships and finds that no-one wants to support their selfish behaviour and they are not the centre of the universe after all.

Your story makes my blood boil. What sort of messages was that kid receiving as the father shouted indignantly at you. My parents would have slapped me and grounded me for weeks for behaviour like that.

Imagine having kids and knowing that they were going to school and being friends with kids like that. Imagine having to "mix" with parents like that at your kid's school or sports team?

Stick to your guns Skeeter. I hope this Dad and kid get some sort of punishment for this.

Oh they will..I am on a base and the dad is active duty military, Tuesday morning (monday holiday) I am calling his commander and reporting this. In the military the active duty member is held responsible for anything his dependents (spouse, children, etc.) do. In the past I have seen people lose their medical insurance (since the military pays for it) for acting out in the hospital. If kids act out,steal,etc. in the store. The family can lose the privelage of going to that store. Kids caught vandalizing..etc. lose the privelage of living on base, forcing the family to move. Some harsh responses sometimes, but I wish they applied everywhere, not just on base.

Skeeter

People think that their children can do no wrong. It's sick. If he's progressed to this level of disrespect already, jeez! And just think, if the kid's doing this sort of thing now, what is he going to do when he gets older, bigger, stronger? Is there a budding sociopath in our midst?

I don't understand why parents do not try to correct their children's behavior. That's the key job of a parent, to teach their children the difference between right and wrong. My Mom would have gone insane on me if I would've done that. Let's just say that after she was done with me, it would be very lucky that I was already at the ER!

oh yeah I know that feeling, the thought of acting out in public...my mother would have nailed me for that one.

WOW Skeeter. I agree with your actions 100%, and I hope that kid AND his dad get some well-deserved discipline. If he can't manage to discipline his own kid, I guess the government/military will have to do it for him, and hopefully include him in the punishment. He really shouldn't have the benefit of military insurance or medical care for himself or his children if he can't (or doesn't care to) prevent them from assaulting people in the waiting room. Boy, I would have been SO TEMPTED to whack that kid myself. Or the dad. Not that that would be the right thing to do of course. You did the right thing calling the police.

Skeeter - I can't believe this happened, and in a hospital, too! You were right to call the police. If I were the little old lady I would be pressing charges against the father! Why couldn't he take both of his kids in to the doctor, anyway?

HI Skeeter:
Interesting story. ALthough I have 4 kids of my own, I have just finished a degree in Psychology and there is evidence of a World Wide trend/increase in the incidence of ADHD. NO! I don't condone what the child/father did, but I have to tell you,
having some insight into this stuff would've enabled you to
a) Deal with the child a little more appropriately (Sat him down,
looked him in the eye and told him that his behaviour is unacceptable and give him some LIMITS with in which to operate!
b) Understood that the reason he is the way he is - IS THE FATHER! and you would've realised that relying on him was a waste of time.
THE SINS OF THE FATHERS ARE VESTED IN THE CHILDREN! and that aint just a religious comment.
Good luck for the next incidence and remember: 'IT'S NOT THE KID'S FAULT!"

I agree with you that it's not the kid's fault, but when that kid turns into an adult, does it then become his fault? When do children have to start being accountable for their actions, even if they do act that way because of how they've been raised?

Oh i completely understand that its the parents fault and not the childs. But as far as sitting down and talking to him..not a chance. I see too many lawasuits in the news when someone other than the parents trys to intervene on an unruly child. And my responsibility is to the safety of my patients not to babysitting a unwatched child. I understand that due to work schedules/single parents/etc. it's not always possible to leave the extra child home when coming in to the ER. But having a child who when left unattended causes another patient is ridiculous.

And after working pediatrics for so long, I certainly don't believe that the ammount of children who have ADHD is increasing. I just think we are diagnosing more of the children who have it. Whereas 15 years ago, these kids that had ADHD, would never be diagnosed with it.

On another note, I volunteer with special olympics alot during my free time, and after working with children who truly have serious cases of behavior problems. I have come to realize that it is not the disease/disability/sickness that is the root cause of bad behavior. Its the parenting. If an autistic child can show more self control than a child with ADHD, there is something wrong there. I believe that a lot of this comes from the fact that our special olympics atheletes have so much outside interaction. Their parents are highly involved, as are their teachers, their coaches, and their volunteers. Truly dedicated positive adult interaction. They are surrounded by it at all times, and it is proven beneficial time and time again. And thats what all children need. And unfortunately they are not getting it. (clarification so i don't get yelled at: I am not saying across the board, that parents arn't being positive influences on their children. I see more good parents than bad ones.) "Bad children" almost always fit the same story..lack of parent interaction. And theres no excuse for that. I see single parents with multiple children, applying positive parenting skills, and their children are just a blast to be with. And for every one or two good children that I see, I see one that acts out, misbehaves, and his/her parents just shrug and say a common excuse:"i'm raising them to be free-willed" or "kids will be kids" etc.

I applaud parents that take the time and effort to raise their children right, there is nothing more difficult than that. But thats what parents are supposed to do. They are supposed to instill positive morals in their children. If, from day 1, they don't plan to do this..why have kids?

Skeeter
P.S. please excuse my ranting....